Self-confidence and Self-esteem Tip: Stop Negative Self-Judgments!

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Be Effective.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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I am constantly exploring the factors that lead to solid self-confidence and better self-esteem. One of the major ways I learn new information is to observe myself. Recently, I noticed I was being very judgmental of myself because I was not being effective in accomplishing what I wanted to accomplish.

I felt helpless in some situations and in other situations the actions I had taken were not bearing fruit. My constant nasty judgments toward myself about not being effective in several endeavors made me feel really bad all over. This is when I relearned the fact that self-confidence is not that complicated or confusing.

The bottom-line that determines if you feel good about yourself depends on how you judge yourself. If you are judgmental of yourself, you feel bad. If you are self-accepting, you feel good. If you are so-so, then you feel so-so! Since, I have never been one to accept mundane and ordinary, feeling good all over is where I wanted to return.

The psychological truth is my own harsh mental judgments toward myself are all that matter. It does not matter what you think or someone else thinks. It is what I think about my ineffectiveness that destroys my good feelings, self-confidence, and keeps vibrant moments far, far away.

Since this is a psychological law, the solution is clear. I must stop being so judgmental toward myself for not being effective. The sooner I shift out of self-judgment, the sooner I return to feeling good and enjoying vibrant moments.

Do you judge yourself:
When you do not take action on something?
When you are not effective in the actions you take?

Obviously, judging yourself does not make you more effective either, no matter what you think. Your mental judgments make you feel bad so you get depressed and feel anxious. So, what can you do to be more effective and get better results?

I shifted into more effective problem solving. I resolved to get the help I needed instead of staying stuck in helplessness and self-judgment. I begin to share my sunscreen-spray-in the lungs-when-I-swim problem with many more people who could support me and help me at my swim club. I turned to experts, family members, and friends for advice and referrals for handymen.

Suddenly, the momentum of my ineffectiveness shifted into huge successes. The sunscreen spay was being limited by the manager quickly when other pool members had told me it would never be banned. Three handymen returned my call AND two showed up in one day!

Wow, results were easy and effective with a shift in my energy.

Tis true. You affect matter, other people and what is happening to you whether you are conscious of this physical fact or not. Even though it often seems like you are doing all that you can do to be effective, you are not. You are stuck in the negative energy that keeps you ineffective.

Shift out of negative, downward, self-judgmental energy into more self-accepting, effective problem solving if you want to be effective. In reality, effective help is all around you, all the time. Thank goodness for reality, once again!

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BE MORE EFFECTIVE: Many effective actions take more courage and better communication skills. Get the help you need. Take the home study course, “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” This is a high quality traditional Assertiveness Training course with the additional value of energy awareness, body language, non-verbal communication, and holistic psychology coaching by Dr. Jeanette. 47-page manual with six weeks of lessons and handouts PLUS more than eight hours of audio classes. $149.97

Read more and order.
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

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Read more and order:
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GET HELP WITH YOUR JUDGEMENTS: Learn about your mental judgments and how powerful they are in making you effective and ineffective. Study the eBook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Buy at Amazon for $3.99 http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AO7DU2E

Read more:
http://www.drjeanette.com/mendbrokenheart.html

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Color Therapy: Use Color to Feel Better and Heal Your Aches and Pains

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Use Color.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

Do you think about color during the day?
Do you notice how you feel during the day?

Color affects your emotional, mental and physical health constantly even if you are not paying attention to the colors in your environment. Consider amping up your holistic health by paying more attention to color and consciously using color to become healthier in mind and body.

Colors are real, physical vibrations that hit your cells, body, and nervous system constantly. The light waves of various colors can pierce through many levels and layers of unhealthy matter. Regular readers of The Vibrant Moment may recall the pink jail cell and pink prison clothes, which reduced crime for the Texas sheriff. If you missed the Power of Pink, here is the free psychology article: http://thevibrantmoment.com/2014/04/30/color-therapy-the-power-of-pink-for-personal-growth/

What color do you spend time in during your day? Consider the dramatically different results that are possible for you in the course of one day. For example, looking at my beautiful, Center City, turquoise blue swimming pool has a profoundly difference impact on me than looking at Philadelphia’s grey concrete sidewalks and black streets.

You can also use color to heal your body.

At one of my Nature Workshops, a woman had a severe pain in her right shoulder. Since you can use your intention and visualization to manifest color instantly, I asked the group members to help her reduce her pain. We created a circle around her and sent her green healing energy. After about a minute of sending color and a few minutes of silence feeling the affect of the color, her pain disappeared.

Group energy and working with a holistic psychologist are stronger and more powerful than just one person. Nevertheless, you can use color therapy on your own anytime you choose. So, the next time your shoulder or any other part of your body is hurting, try Color Therapy and see what happens.

Color Therapy Exercise

1. Take three deep breaths.
2. Relax your body so you can receive the color vibrations.
3. Intuit what color or colors you need.
4. See, imagine that color or colors flowing into the painful area.
5. Keep breathing and relaxing as you feel the color flowing in your body.
6. Keep breathing, relaxing, and feeling your emotions.
7. Let go and express any emotions that surface.
8. Be silent and still as you feel how the pain in your body changes.

The best way to know which color you need is to intuit it. Many of you may not trust your intuition but it is usually spot on! The way to tap into your intuition is to ask your body what color it needs. Wait for the answer to drop into your awareness. You may see the color, feel it, hear it, or just know it. Do not use deduction or thinking.

If you have not developed your intuition enough to trust it, you can always start out with white. White is safe and effective because it has all the color vibrations in it. The white may change automatically into the specific color you need during the color exercise.

You can also use the rainbow exercise where you use the six basic colors of red, orange, green, yellow, blue, and purple. When you hit the color that is most needed, you usually notice some shift in how you feel. Your body smiles and says, “Hey, I want more purple, that feels sooooo good!”

Take the time every day to notice color and use its healing vibrations to consciously feel better, think more clearly, and heal your aches and pains.

A colorful world is vibrant, healthy, and strong.

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LEARN MORE ABOUT COLOR THERAPY: Develop your ability to sense the different color vibrations using the home study course, “Energize Your Mind-Body With Color And Sound.” The six primary colors are paired with simple sound and body movements to increase your energy in your body and energy field. Learn which colors you are avoiding and which ones you need. Color Therapy exercises are playful, fun and healing. Use alone, in Color Therapy groups, or with children. PDF format, 40 pages, $9.97.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/colorexercises.html

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UNDERSTAND AND FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS: To learn more about your emotions and how powerful they are in making you healthy and sick, study the eBook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Buy at Amazon for $3.99 http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AO7DU2E

Read more:
http://www.drjeanette.com/mendbrokenheart.html

Feeling Guilty? Live a Guilt Free Life and Keep Loving, Healthy Relationships

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Say No To Guilt!
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

How often do you find yourself in this situation?

I am using my client, J’s example of guilt, because it is such a typical and difficult situation. Here is the email question I received this morning:

“My cousin, I’ve been close with, married a man a few years ago that I really don’t vibe with. My husband feels similarly. I’m trying to stay close to her without being very involved with him. She also has a young daughter just 6 months younger than my toddler.

They just bought a house and are moving farther away. It’s about 2.5 hrs. They invited us to a housewarming/birthday party.” I declined as politely as possible … trying not to give much reason.

Now my aunt and cousin are dissatisfied and I can feel it strongly. I made the decision because – I don’t really want to go.
- There are many other things I’m trying to focus on.
- I was invited to a friend’s child bday party I want to go to.

I already went way out of my way to sit through the most horrible wedding I’ve ever been too … I don’t want to experience that again and neither does my husband. It’s hard to explain . . .

Now I feel they’re “not happy” with my feelings … and I feel like it’s a lose/lose. If I go I won’t be happy … if I don’t go I’ll feel bad. After all I think *these are family – the people most here for me when my mom was sick. I feel bad. I want them to know I care, but I also want to care about myself.

Give me your wonderful guidance and wisdom please. Already listening to the guilt audio, but I need more specific help.

Thank you!”

What would you do?

This is definitely a guilt trap. By that I mean my client will feel bad, no matter what choice she makes. It is a lose-lose situation. The energy of a guilt trap is sticky, pulls at you, and makes it almost impossible to get out.

J is no push over. She was able to be assertive and say, “No,” the first time around. She has taken the Assertiveness Training home study course, “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence,” studied the self-help audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment,” and has been working with me privately for over a year.

J is clear about her feelings, yet, she is still stuck in the guilt trap. This is what I wrote back: The goal is to get out of the guilt trap and follow your authentic feelings without being passive or aggressive toward the people involved.

Take three deep breaths and intent to be true to yourself. There is no right or wrong answer. There is only your way out of this guilt trap. You want your choice to be the best choice you can make given the situation. You must live with whatever you choose.

If I already had another invitation that I had accepted I would tell my cousin the truth. If it was too far to drive back and forth in a day or night with two small children, I could tell my cousin the truth. If I could set up a fun trip and stay overnight and include the housewarming without feeling resentful, I would.

You want to transform this guilt trap into a win-win by choosing the pathway that creates the least amount of resentment for you. You may feel bad about not pleasing your aunt. You may call yourself, “Selfish and unkind.” That you can live through and transform.

Resentment, on the other hand, eats at you and makes you physically sick. Resentment permanently destroys relationships. Therefore, you want to behave in ways that do not make you physically sick and maintains an honest relationship over the years with your aunt and cousin.

Good luck in following your heart. Be aware of your feelings and reactions as you feel your way through this difficult situation. You can learn what you need to know, so the next guilt trap might not imprison you at all!

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STOP BUILDING UP RESENTMENT: Assertiveness Training is the most effective way to learn how to say no to resentment and requests that are not in your best interest. Take the home study course,“Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” You get a 46-page manual, PLUS six lessons, over eight hours of audio instruction and live coaching with students, $149.97, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

“Thank you Dr. Jeanette for your Assertiveness Training course, I loved it. I learned I was often being aggressive rather than being assertive. The difference is huge, both in regard to my actions and the results I get.” — Kevin from the UK

FREE BONUS: Order the Assertiveness Training home study course above and get the one-hour self-help audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment,” for free. Worth $29.97.
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FEELING GUILTY? The guilt busting audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment,” explains how learned mental judgments create guilt and deliver guilt to others. The session explains the energy of guilt and offers the listener healthy ways to replace guilty behavior with effective communication skills for more loving relationships. One-hour personal growth audio, $29.97. Money back guarantee.

Order the personal growth audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment for $29.97, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/guiltbuster.html

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GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS: Study the eBook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Buy at Amazon for $3.99 http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AO7DU2E

Read more:
http://www.drjeanette.com/mendbrokenheart.html

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Holistic Health Advice: Enjoy Relaxation Therapy and Emotional Expression

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Relax for Good Health.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

A healthy body is not tense, tight, and tied up in knots. A healthy body is relaxed. The reason is simple. When your body is tense, healthy energy cannot move through you. Your body must be relaxed so the healthy energy in your environment can mix and tingle with your cells, nervous system, organs, and muscles.

Unfortunately, when you have an emotional or physical trauma of any sort, the body goes into an automatic contraction. Nevertheless, for good holistic health, it is essential that your body find a way back to the relaxed state. Otherwise, you stay stuck in the emotional or physical trauma permanently.

In China, the first thing the emergency room doctors do when patients arrive is massage them. This is because massage helps the body relax so that healthy energy can move back into the body to help solve any trauma or damage that has occurred.

Increasing and reestablishing healthy energy flow in the physical body is the foundation of acupuncture. Acupuncture has been proven over the centuries to be very effective for treating physical problems.

Healthy energy flow is also the foundation of holistic psychology. As a holistic psychologist, the first thing I do is help you relax into your body and emotions simultaneously. When you feel your body feelings and emotional feelings, there is an immediate increase in energy flow. Relaxing into your emotions immediately improves your physical, emotional, and mental health.

Therefore, the pathway to good health is to remove past trauma, learn to handle current stress, and stay relaxed in everyday life. Relaxation is one of the most important activities you can do every day if you want to be healthy in mind and body.

Do not underestimate the importance of relaxation for good health. Know that past emotional and physical trauma can be removed from your body with proper relaxation and desensitization. You can learn how to return to the relaxed state after any stress and stay relaxed as you move through your life.

Learning how to relax and stay relaxed is the cheapest, most effective medicine you can find.

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HAVE TROUBLE RELAXING? You can be healthy and happy. Discover Your Relaxation RoadBlocks. Thank goodness, I did my post doc in Relaxation Therapy and Desensitization way back in 1975. However, when I first started trying to relax, I could not let go of control and relax. There are several reasons you may have trouble relaxing and together we find your roadblocks. Then I show you how to get over the hurdles. Order two private sessions and get the third hour free. Must be ordered and first two hours used during July and August. Third session can be used anytime within the year. $200 per hour, save $200.00.

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RELAX YOUR BODY: Your physical body cannot and does not lie. Love your body so it can relax. Learn how to listen to your body and trust the information it knows that your brain does not know. One-hour tele-seminar, “Hear Your Body Talking,” $29.97, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
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RELAX INTO YOUR EMOTIONS: Study the Ebook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Buy at Amazon for $3.99 http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AO7DU2E

Read more:
http://www.drjeanette.com/mendbrokenheart.html

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Relationship Advice: Trust What Works and Who Shows Up

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Trust What Works.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

Do you trust your intuition?
Do you trust other people?
Do you trust your ego?

Let us explore what is trustable and what is not trustable. You cannot trust something that is not solid, firm and secure. On the other hand you can trust any energy that is solid, firm and secure.

For example, you can trust gravity. Gravity is a law on planet earth and this energy is solid, firm and secure. You will not go flying off into space if you relax, let go, and sink into gravity. Neither will you go flying off into space if you are tense, controlling, and pulling up away from gravity! Gravity holds you securely here whether you trust her or not!

This is the kind of reality I like to put my trust in. I trust what works instead of what does not work. Every day I pay attention to my relationship with gravity. I trust gravity and let my body relax, sink into her, and trust her to protect me and keep me safe. Teaching others how to do the same is the fundamental reason my Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study course is effective.

On the other hand, I do not trust beliefs, theories, thoughts, and words. Beliefs have flimsy, unreliable energy, which are often based on false information. Trusting beliefs results in unsure footing. Your ego is based on false beliefs, rules, shoulds, and should nots. Therefore, your ego is not trustable. Neither is anyone else’s!

What do you trust?

If you do not have something or someone you trust, you are distrustful. Distrustful people have anxiety, depression, paranoia, and other mental health problems. In addition, distrustful people have trouble making love, being open, and vulnerable with other people. Therefore, distrustful people do not have fulfilling and satisfying relationships.

Paranoia is the only mental health problem that my holistic psychology approach has a low success rate in. This is because paranoid people do not trust anything or anyone. To get the help you need in unlearning your past conditioning, you must trust your holistic psychologist. Without some degree of trust, no one can lead you out of the darkness.

Developing trust is essential for good mental health. The more you trust, the happier and healthier you will be. Trust takes you into the moment and into the future where all is well. Trust is the foundation that you stand on to shine and flourish.

My suggestion is to start with one energy you trust. You must find something or someone to completely place your trust in. Nature was the place I started. Trees were easy to trust for me. From there I branched out into many other energies I count on and depend on.

Trust any energy that is solid, firm and secure. Do not trust energy that is flimsy, weak and insecure.

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TRUST YOUR BODY: Your physical body cannot and does not lie. Trust your body and love your body for more self-confidence and better holistic health. Learn how to listen to your body and trust the information it knows that your brain does not know. One-hour tele-seminar, “Hear Your Body Talking,” $29.97, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

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TRUST ASSERTIVENESS: You cannot trust your controlling ego; it will be passive and aggressive. Trust your authentic self to stand up for yourself. Assertiveness Training is the most effective way to become more solid, firm and secure. “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence” is a 46-page manual, PLUS six lessons, over eight hours of audio instruction and coaching, $149.97, guaranteed.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

“Thank you Dr. Jeanette for your Assertiveness Training course, I loved it. I learned I was often being aggressive rather than being assertive. The difference is huge, both in regard to my actions and the results I get.” — Kevin from the UK

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DEPRESSION HELP: Learn more about depression, how you learned to depress your energy and solutions to being depressed. Listen to the seminar on “Depression: How to Unlearn Your Unhealthy Conditioning and Break Free.” One-hour audio, $29.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/depressionaudio.html

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Depression Help: Holistic Psychology Teaches You to Stop Depressing Energy

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Notice Your Energy Flow.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

Do you have the energy you need to enjoy life?
Do you get excited at least once a day?
Do you suffer from depression?

I often talk about anxiety. The reason I pay more attention to anxiety than anything else is because I consider anxiety to be the source problem for mental illness, emotional distress and poor physical health.

When you are anxious you:
1.  Behave in ways that are ineffective in getting what you want.
2.  Experience emotional distress.
2.  Tighten up your physical body, which creates disease.

What About Depression?

Some of you may suffer from depression, have family members who tend to get depressed or find yourself without the energy you need to experience joy and excitement in everyday life. Thus, I thought it would be helpful to directly address depression to give you my holistic psychology point of view.

Depression can be very mild such as when you find yourself bored while living an ordinary and mundane life. Or, depression can be severe enough that you do not want to get out of bed. Traditional psychology views depression and anxiety as separate categories, each with their multiple diagnoses.

As my holistic psychology approach became more energy-based I began to define depression as when you do not move fast enough. Anxiety is when you move too fast. In contrast, the definition of good mental health is when you are moving in your authentic, natural, energy flow.

Your natural energy flow is extremely healthy for your mind and body. When you let your energy flow naturally, you have those vibrant moments I love to share with you. When you move too fast or too slow you block the wonderful, exciting moments of being fully alive in your body and in space.

Depressing your joy, excitement, and exuberance is a form of depression. You may not look as depressed as the person who receives the label depression but you are not fully allowing your energy to flow into joy, excitement, and exuberance.

After years of not being happy with my degree of success helping depressed clients, I added body and energy awareness to my approach. With this new way of teaching clients how to give up depression, one of my severely depressed clients gradually, step by step, stopped depressing her energy.

We were both thrilled. She was having fun, getting into clowning, starting to set up a new private practice, and enjoying sex with her husband. She was no longer depressed. Her real self came out and she was enjoying life.

We both thought depression was no longer a concern. A few weeks before opening her new office, she suddenly slipped back into depression. From one week to the next, she moved out of being alive in her body to being numb and depressed again. I could not understand how she, out of the blue, slipped back to her depressed symptoms and seemed paralyzed once more.

When I discovered she was scared to open her new practice I had the clue I needed. She felt out on a limb. Everything seemed like too much to handle. She was not sure she was adequate to the task so she was suddenly overcome with high anxiety. This is when she immediately slipped back into depression.

Eureka! A light bulb went off in my head. She felt safe when she depressed her energy. She felt afraid when she let her energy flow because she had new challenges, new adventures, and new opportunities where she could mess up. As a result high anxiety hit her in the face.

I had not prepared her enough so that she was able to handle the new level of stress she was facing. Therefore, she used her old coping skill of depressing her energy flow. Anytime, you do not have the proper coping skills you use what you used as a child to cope with life.

This is when I discovered that depression is an avoidance response. People flip-flop back and forth between anxiety and depression because they do not know what else to do. Bi-polar, which used to be manic-depressive disorder, is a common diagnosis psychologists give to people.

With depression and anxiety you are in a catch 22 until you learn how to deal with anxiety effectively. Therefore, the answer to depression and bipolar is to learn how to handle anxiety effectively so that your anxious energy is not bigger than you. You must know how to be effective in new situations and to be self-confident.

With this new way of looking at depression and anxiety I taught my client better coping skills. She learned to be relaxed in more situations and be much more assertive. Then she did not feel overwhelmed with her new adventures. She was able to give up her depression permanently when she knew how to handle her new stress without getting so anxious she could not be effective.

Learn the coping skills you need to feel safe letting your natural energy flow take you into new adventures. The exciting moments of being alive are well worth the investment in yourself.

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BE MORE EFFECTIVE: Assertiveness Training is the most effective way to become more effective! “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence” is a 46-page manual, PLUS six lessons, over eight hours of audio instruction and coaching, $149.97, guaranteed.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

“Thank you Dr. Jeanette for your Assertiveness Training course, I loved it. I learned I was often being aggressive rather than being assertive. The difference is huge, both in regard to my actions and the results I get.” — Kevin from the UK

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LEARN TO COPE WITH STRESS: Take the original, well-crafted “Overcome Anxiety Naturally” home study course. Leads you step by step into body awareness and relaxation. Learn how to tame your inner critics, breathe, feel your emotions, and have more fun. Improves self-confidence. 10 written lessons, 5 hours of self-help audio, money back guarantee, $149.97.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

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DEPRESSION HELP: Learn more about depression, how you learned to depress your energy and solutions to being depressed. Listen to the seminar on “Depression: How to Unlearn Your Unhealthy Conditioning and Break Free.” One-hour audio, $29.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/depressionaudio.html

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Please share the holistic psychology information at http://www.drjeanette.com with anyone who is interested in learning to be happy, healthy, and effective.

Personal Growth Power Tool: Remember the Good Stuff!

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Remember the good stuff.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
====================

What are you thinking in this moment?
What do you remember at the end of the day?

Take time to notice. A fascinating observation I have made over the 38 years I have been successfully helping people reach holistic mental health could be useful to you. If you put this self-improvement observation into daily practice you could dramatically improve your results.

I have noticed that there is an amazing difference between how my clients use their memory in between sessions. This difference results in either dramatic, regular, or slow personal growth.

The clients that remember throughout the week the positive experiences they had during a private session with me make dramatic progress. The clients that have a positive experience and then do not think about this breakthrough again during the week make slower personal growth progress.

Begin to observe your use of memory. How you use your memory can make or break your personal growth program. Do you remember and think about the positive events in your life? Or do you forget about them and think they were a strange fluke?

If you forget about your small positive events, experiences, feelings, or sensations you are not taking advantage of the successful learning that has already occurred. You learned something helpful but you immediately forget that you learned it. This is not helpful.

Therefore, I systematically use positive memory, along with positive reinforcement, in the written lessons of my Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study course. Each lesson teaches you to pay attention to and remember your tiny, baby steps forward. When you remember the positive events that happen to you again and again, this dramatically improves your self-esteem.

This new self-confidence is based on solid reality. You did experience a positive learning and you remember it and build on this reality instead of throwing it away. It really helps to have someone remind you to remember!

When you do not remember a wonderful compliment from another person that happened yesterday, it is as if this positive feedback did not occur. You are trashing the learning and acting like it was not real or valid. Your Inner Critic wins and you lose.

If you often forget compliments, change your behavior to help you believe and integrate the positive experience into your self-esteem. Use your memory like the power tool it is.

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NEED HELP REMEMBERING? Take the original, well-crafted Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study course. Leads you step by step into remembering the positive things that happen to you. Learn how to tame your inner critics, breathe, feel your emotions, and have more fun. Improves self-esteem. 10 written lesson, 5 yours of self-help audio, money back guarantee, $149.97.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

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If you are not ready to study the anxiety course this summer, listen to the one-hour audio, “Tame Your Thoughts.” It is included in the Anxiety home study course and helps you focus your memory on the good stuff.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/tameyourthoughts.html

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USE BODY LANGUAGE FEEDBACK: Your body cannot lie and it reveals the truth about you. Become more aware of your body language and what it is telling others about you. Study “Hear Your Body Talking.” One-hour audio, $29.97, guaranteed.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

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Self Esteem Tip: Self Confidence is Based on Reality, Not What You Think!

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Look in the mirror for a photo of me.

 

 

 

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Get Honest Feedback
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Do you see yourself realistically?

Last night I was pondering one of my teachers’ writings, teachings, and behaviors. I love him and that is the reason I choose him to be my teacher. I resonate with him. This means my vibration is similar to his vibration.

However, he made a comment in his book about how warm and fuzzy he was. Since I have spent time with him in person I was surprised to hear him say he was warm and fuzzy. I did not find him to be huggable. I checked with a friend who attended his workshop and she did not find him to be warm and fuzzy either.

We all have blind spots and these blind spots can appear to be ridiculous to others. So, I wondered about myself. How realistically do I see myself? I think I am warm and fuzzy, am I? Given the number of people who say I give good hugs and ask for more, huggable has a high probability of being correct for me.

To be huggable all the time would not be authentic. When under stress we respond to the stressful stimuli with either anxiety or solutions. So, give yourself and others room to be the full range of human at all times.

Nevertheless, I am intrigued about what others see in me that I do not see. I still thank my post-doc supervisor, Joseph Wolfe, M.D. who asked me, in his charming South African accent, “And exactly what was the reason you said that to your male client at that point in the interview, Dr. Keller?” I was stunted, I had no clinical or scientific reason.

I was Dr. Doris Jeanette Keller at the time and Dr. Wolpe’s comments sent me into a deep depression, feeling criticized, attacked, and inadequate. Thankfully, I looked underneath my defensive reaction to discover I was criticizing myself for being a terrible therapist. Joe’s honest feedback helped me become more realistic about myself as a beginning therapist. He was after all, teaching me how to be a better therapist.

Then there was the bass jazz player who sent me crying all the way home through Rittenhouse Square one cold, late night in Philadelphia. His simple words, “You have a chip on your shoulder,” wounded me to the core and helped eliminate another blind spot.

You cannot be self-confident if you are unrealistic about yourself. If you do not stand on solid ground, you are insecure, weak, and scared. A self-confident person knows her strengths and weaknesses. Self-confident people have no reason to defend against the truth.

My teacher’s blind spot has inspired me to make a conscious effort to see more of my blind spots this week. How about joining me in my personal growth adventure? Use feedback, energy flow, and behavior to help you become more realistic.

Self-confidence Building Tips:
1.    Notice the non-verbal feedback you get from others
2.    Listen to verbal feedback and notice your reaction
3.    Do not assume someone is criticizing you
4.    Look at yourself in mirrors and in glass panes
5.    Be self-accepting when you see tension
6.    Be self-accepting when you notice judgments

What I am suggesting you do requires moving pass the first major turning point in personal growth. Some fall back at this point and do not move forward. They do not want to see themselves realistically.

Here is a secret power tool to help you be successful making the cut. I call this the First Trick in Transformation: Do not judge that which you find. You will enjoy the process of discovering new blind spots if you do not make yourself wrong or bad about the truths you discover.

Instead, relax, let go,  and trust the process of transformation to take you to a new level of self-confidence.

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LEARN MORE ABOUT TRANSFORMATION:  Study the emotional health audio, Opening the Heart, on a daily basis. Includes information about the First Trick in Transformation and helps you stay with yourself though the different stages of personal growth. Delivered in a lullaby sounding voice that is comforting to the heart, body, and soul. 3 hours of self-help audio, $97.00, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

Order before Saturday, May 32 and receive the written transcript worth $19.97 for free.

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ALREADY OWN OPENING THE HEART? Take the Assertiveness Training Course home study course “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” Recognize your passive and aggressive behavior and become assertive. Learning how to be assertive helps you be more realistic about yourself so you have more self-confidence. Stand in your power and enjoy it! $149.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
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USE BODY LANGUAGE FEEDBACK: Your body cannot lie and it reveals the truth about you. Become more aware of your body language. Use body feedback to be realistic so your self-esteem improves. Study “Hear Your Body Talking.” One-hour audio, $29.97, guaranteed.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

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Personal Growth Tip: Let Go of Control for Natural Health and Wellness

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The way to be creative, healthy and happy is to let go of control. My kitchen table.

 

 

 

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Make a Mess.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
Live at the Edge: http://www.ladybuglive.com/edge.html

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Do you have a mess you need to clean up?

Could be the mess in your basement, the thoughts of perfection in your mind or the defensive energy that tightens your body.

All of these represent a mess. Your chaos can be literal, disguised, or denied! If you are obsessive compulsive and maintain a sense of control over your outside world you still have disorder inside you that needs to be acknowledged and cleaned up. If your body gets tight, for sure, you have a mess that needs to be exposed, owned, and cleaned up.

Spring cleaning is a necessary part of the transformational process. Having a mess that needs to be cleaned is essential. If you do not have a mess, this means you are controlling yourself and your environment so much you are not transforming energy. This means you are stuck in denial or perhaps something worse.

If you are controlling yourself so that you do not think you have a mess, let go of control. When you let go of control your disarray is exposed. You have been controlling yourself precisely because you did not want to make a mess or be a mess. Change this into being proud of your jumbo jumble and know that you have let go of your controlling ego state.

If you see your mess in the basement, take action and throw away the garbage. If you disguise or deny your chaos, help yourself by addressing the reasons you are too scared and anxious to let go of control. You cannot flow, change, create, and transform energy without letting go of control.

When you let go of control, your chaos becomes obvious. To grow, you must make a mess and then clean up your mess. Just like a child who is finger painting and all covered with paint who may one day be a famous artist. You must give yourself the freedom to make a mess and be a mess in order to create your masterpiece.

Creativity is the energy of spring. Get busy changing, flowing, and transforming energy so the lazy days of summer can be enjoyed.

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NEED HELP LETTING GO OF CONTROL?  Study and use the emotional health audio, Opening the Heart. A personal guide shows you how to feel safe enough to let go of control and love your mess. Delivered in a lullaby sounding voice that is comforting to the soul. 3 hours of self help audio, $97.00, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

Order before Monday, May 26 and receive the written transcript worth $19.97 for free.

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STOP OUT OF CONTROL ENERGY: Being out of control is the same as being in control; both are unhealthy. Learn more about your emotions and energy so you know where you are controlling yourself, when you are out of control, and when you are flowing. Study the e-book, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Buy at Amazon for $3.99 http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AO7DU2E

Read more:
http://www.drjeanette.com/mendbrokenheart.html

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Personal Growth Help: Stop Avoiding Hurt to Improve Relationships

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This wonderful golden chain tree is blooming in my backyard right now.

 

 

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Stay With Your Feelings.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
Live at the Edge: http://www.ladybuglive.com/edge.html

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Do you try to avoid being hurt?

Many people do.

However, if you are a regular reader of The Vibrant Moment, you know there is an avoidance learning principle that adults and children need to know and understand in order to flourish.

Avoidance Learning Principle

The extensive psychological research in operant and classical conditioning since 1924 reveals that the more you avoid something, the weaker you become.

For example, if you have social anxiety you experience anxiety when you get ready to go to a party. You avoid the party, which avoids your anxiety, which makes you immediately more comfortable.

However, when you avoid the party, your avoidance behavior does not do anything to prevent your anxiety symptoms from occurring again and again in the future. As a matter of fact, your avoidance behavior is reinforced and you are more likely to avoid the next time. This means you will be more anxious the next time and it will be harder for you to go to a party.

Apply this Learning Principle to your Emotional Distress.

The more you try not to be hurt in your relationships, the weaker you become. The more you avoid being close to others in a relationship, the more isolated you become. Your sense of self gets smaller and smaller and your anxiety about being hurt gets bigger and bigger. Soon, you live in a tiny box and your body and mind begins to get sick and feeble.

To top it off, the worst result of your avoidance conditioning is, you get hurt anyway. Yes, you get hurt no matter what! You feel hurt by others even though you are living in a box because you do not want to get hurt by others.

In physical reality, which is the area outside of your box, it is not possible to avoid getting hurt by other people. No, it is just not possible to be a sensitive human being and not get hurt by other human beings. Just as it is not possible to avoid anxiety and go to a party.

Put Learning Research Facts into Action

Not only do you need to know and understand how you learned a behavior that is unhelpful to you. You also need to take an action step and put your knowledge to good use. You must actively unlearn your self-destructive avoidance behavior if you want to be mentally healthy and physically strong.

Therefore, you must stop avoiding hurt, now or later. There is no other way to achieve natural health and wellness. You must stay with yourself when you feel hurt and welcome hurt when it arrives.

Staying with yourself through hurt, loss, and grief is a necessary emotional health skill you need to learn in order to be effective in your relationships. If you are a parent you need to learn these essential emotional health skills so you model them for your children.

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LEARN TO STAY WITH YOUR FEELINGS: Use the emotional health audio, Opening the Heart. In a loving voice you have a personal guide who shows you how to stay with yourself when you feel hurt and afraid. The Opening the Heart audio series is three hours of education in the essential emotional health skills needed to enjoy relationships. Delivered in a lullaby sounding voice that is comforting to the soul. $97.00, money back guarantee.

Read more and order: http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

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STOP AVOIDING: Learn more about your feelings, emotions and energy. Study the eBook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Buy at Amazon for $3.99 http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AO7DU2E

Read more:
http://www.drjeanette.com/mendbrokenheart.html

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