How to Know When You are Defensive

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Give Up Defensive Energy.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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A reader asks, “Show an example of authentic defensiveness (validly
taking care of yourself) and whatever ‘being defensive’ is … people
always make it sound nasty and shameful. It’s dismissive, as it’s
often used in the vernacular. ‘Oh, you’re just being defensive. I
don’t have to pay attention to what you’re saying.’ In other words, a
power play, to create helplessness.”

I was walking through Rittenhouse Park on the way to buy groceries
when I caught myself in the act of being defensive for the first
time. I was replaying a conversation over and over again in my head
between me and my traditional talk therapist. She said, “You are … I
honestly cannot remember what she said at this point about me. My
response was, “This is NOT TRUE about me. No, way. I am not …”
whatever it was she said.

In my head I was defending myself. Making up reasons to prove that
what she said was not true. Creating excuses about the reason I do
this and that and the other. This mental energy of denying and
rejecting what my therapist said is an excellent example of defensive
energy.

My new psychological awareness was in the early 1980s and I did not
know about body language and energy flow. I did know about defense
mechanisms. Thank Freud for discovering that humans create defense
mechanisms to defend themselves against a perceived attack. I felt
threatened by the observation and feedback that I was getting from my
therapist.

You defend yourself when you feel criticized or attacked. The person
giving you the feedback may or may not be attacking you. Usually,
they are not. They are telling you their truth and you do not like
it. You do not like it because it makes you uncomfortable and
anxious. You do not like it because it threatens your ego, your image
of yourself.

An example of assertive behavior, which would be authentic
defensiveness, would be to receive what my therapist said and explore
her feedback to see how much of it was true. I am sure all of it was
true. She was not being critical of me, she was trying to help me
become more conscious and aware.

You may think your family and friends are making you wrong or bad.
However, most of the time they are being honest with you and they are
not attacking you. Once in a while a family member may be judging you
and making you wrong and bad. In this case you need to say to
yourself, “So what? Maybe she is or is not making me wrong or bad. So
what?”

When you say “So what?” to yourself, this helps you immediately give
up your defensive response. The goal is to be assertive and not
defensive. An assertive response is one that supports you
emotionally. If you are assertive you are honest with yourself about
what you feel. You do not reject how you feel.

You experience your helplessness if that is what you feel. Feeling
helplessness is a step closer to becoming stronger and more secure.
No one is making you helpless, you feel helpless. Feeling helpless
goes back to early childhood learning when you really were helpless.

When you feel helpless, now as an adult, you need to connect in a
loving way with the part of you who feels helpless. Your helplessness
is not going to go away until you do something to help it go away.
Your job is to protect the part of you that feels helpless and keep
her safe and secure.

Defending yourself against helplessness does not empower you. Feeling
your helplessness and making sure the helpless part of you gets the
practical assistance she needs from your authentic adult self empowers
you. If you provide what is needed to your emotional self, you will be
stronger and more secure the next time you get feedback.

You will be able to receive feedback and consider it without
rejecting it or turning it against yourself. Once you get rid of your
inner, learned, mental judgments against yourself, another person’s
judgment does not destroy you. Outside judgments do not feel good,
but if you do not agree with the judgment, it does not hurt your
heart.

The reason an outside attack does not hurt your heart is because you
are protecting and loving your little girl, and her feelings. She
does not feel helpless if you are taking care of her and protecting
her from internal and external attacks.

Never be afraid of feeling helpless or any other feeling. It is by
listening to your feelings that you know how to protect your
emotional self so that you become stronger and more secure. The
helpless part of you cannot take care of herself on her own. She
really is helpless, until you show up and do what is needed.

Is this clear? If not, ask another question.

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TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Being assertive is a powerful, effective, and
the fast way to improve your self-esteem. Parents and children need
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If you have not had an Assertiveness Training course in a few years
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========================

PRACTICE BEING ASSERTIVE: Get the practical help you need to be more
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How to Get What You Want by Being Assertive

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Be Rational.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==================

You make a mistake.
Your partner does something you do not like.
Your son will not eat what you want him to eat.

What do you do? Do you become rigid and controlling, insisting he eat the way you want him to eat? Do you exaggerate the situation and make it worse than it is? Is this moment really that much of a tragedy?

We all overreact sometimes. It is wise to notice when you do. If you have been in effective therapy, you received outside feedback about your irrational, defensive behavior. You learned that being defensive is a waste of your time and energy. Even more importantly, you learned that irrational behavior does not get you what you want.

An irrational reaction is when you behave in a way that does not fit the reality of the situation. A defensive reaction is not an emotional reaction. Psychologists, researchers, and dictionaries often confuse the source of irrational reactions and tell you that you are being too emotional. Not true.

The source of an irrational reaction is a learned conditioned response. Reactions often feel like a knee jerk response that occurs so quickly you cannot be master over it. But is it? The figurative meaning of knee jerk comes from the physical patellar reflex discovered and named in the 1870s by Dr. William Richard Gowers. Your physical knee jerk response is necessary for good health. It is a reflex, not a conditioned response.

An irrational reaction to life situations is not a reflex and it is not good for your holistic health. When you are conditioned to respond irrationally to anything, you are trapped in a vicious circle of self-control. You are like the pigeons in the city parks that go round and round because they are conditioned to turn around because once they found food when they did.

Could it be that when you are not “in control,” you react irrationally? Yes, irrational reactions occur when you cannot cope with reality. You suddenly become dysfunctional, instead of breathing, dealing, and bending with what is really occurring. When you are irrational, you are not feeling your authentic emotions and you are not aware of your body.

Abruptly, you behave as if you were a monster, instead of a human being with choices and options. In this irrational moment, you are the one being controlled. Thus, you are weak and helpless. You are not free to choose an assertive, effective way to handle the situation.

Reactions are learned, which is a very good thing, because this means you can unlearn them. There is no reason you cannot break free from any conditioned response and become rational and emotionally secure. Rise above your conditioned reactions by feeling your emotions and body, instead of being afraid of them. Your body and heart help you stay safe and sane.

Being in touch with your emotions is what allows you to be assertive. You must know what you feel before you can be assertive. When you are assertive, you are rational and emotionally secure. You are standing tall on a solid foundation of integrity.

Being honest makes you an effective, loving parent, lover, and friend. Best of all, you get what you want.

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GET WHAT YOU WANT: You deserve to get what you want and feel good about it. Being assertive is powerful, effective, and the fastest way to improve your self-esteem. Parents and children need to learn assertive communication skills that work. If you have not had an Assertiveness Training course in a few years it is time for a refresher course. If you have never had one, it is time for you to learn how to be strong and effective. Order “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” forty—seven-page manual with six weeks of lessons PLUS more than six hours of real life coaching audio. $149.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order: “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.”
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======================

How to Pull More Money Toward You by Feeling Worthy

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Feel Worthy.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==================

So many self-esteem issues boil down to the fact that you do not feel worthy. Some religions do their best to convince you that you are not worthy from day one. You are born a sinner. If you are born a sinner there really is not much hope. Therefore, many people give up and do not even try to be the magnificent person that is deep inside of them.

What about you? Do you feel worthy of what you have and what you want? Take a look at all the areas of your life that you would like to see some improvement in. Make a list. Call it your dream list. Listen to your heart. What do you want to have, do, and be, before you die?

Is more money on your list? Yes, if money is not flowing toward you with ease, consider the possibility that you may not feel worthy of money. I didn’t, and that is one big huge success I have enjoyed over the last few years. Once you have hand written out your list, put your Dream List up somewhere so you can see it and read it every day.

Then use your intention: Intent to reach all of your desires in due time. One goal will be much easier than another and that may be the one to work on first. You can also work on as many goals as you can realistically keep in your awareness. Give yourself a year to notice some dramatic change or movement toward one of your goals.

Keep reading your list and paying attention to what you really do want and need. Next, start to take the action steps that lead to your goals. You have to work and plant the seeds in order to get to any goal worth having. This means different things for different goals. Consider mentoring, education, discipline, and practice.

As you are taking the steps toward your goal begin to amp up your awareness of how unworthy you feel of receiving the desires that live in your heart. Pay attention everyday to how worthy you feel about everything, especially the desired goal. Be honest and notice the truth that is in your body, heart, and unconscious. Soon you will feel the unworthiness that is lurking there.

It is not easy to transform feeling unworthy to feeling worthy. However, transforming low self-esteem to more self-esteem is possible and it does not have to take that long. Many humans have been extremely successful in feeling worthy of love, success, health, happiness, and money. Join them.

Let go of your judgments against yourself and notice what happens.

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======================

How to Follow Your Heart and Find Peace

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Seek Peace.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==================

A reader asks, “What do I need to feel more at peace?”

A pause and a wonder.

That is a short answer arriving instantly from my intuitive poet. Let’s explore the holistic psychology dynamics of finding peace to see how close my little poetic phrase is to the longer version.

Peace is a state where all is well. You do not have to jump up and do something. You are ok and your world is ok. When you feel peace you are enough and your world is enough. You are in harmony with yourself and your surroundings. I love feeling peace, tis a delicious, deep, vibrant moment.

The opposite of peace is war, conflict, fighting, confusion, and distress. Conflict, fighting, confusion, and distress are caused by a brain that is never satisfied. A brain that finds fault with its world. A brain that does not allow you to experience reality. This never satisfied part of you is sure to make you unhappy and drive others away.

From your question I assume that you are in conflict. This means different parts of you are at war. The war may be hopelessly futile, meaning no one ever wins. Unfortunately, this is the conflict the brain often puts you in — a lose-lose situation. A lose-lose mental state is irrational. If you try to please the irrational part of you, you often feel crazy because it is impossible to please an irrational brain.

For example, the irrational brain loves to call you lazy. So, you jump up and try to please the brain so it does not call you lazy. After you do what the brain told you to do, the brain does not say, “Great job, that is wonderful. You are wonderful. You are enough.” Instead it says, “You didn’t finish the job, you didn’t do this enough or that enough. You didn’t do it the right way.”

Alas, you are still lazy or stupid or crazy or selfish. You always will be, and never can you get out of the irrational lose-lose situation your brain puts you in, until you get out of your brain. The pathway to peace is to exit the conflict you are in. Since there are no winners in this war, letting go of trying to please an irrational master is smart.

Instead, listen to your heart and follow your heart. Your heart is a wonderful master: loving and kind, gentle and strong. Let your heart lead the way and peace is what you find. You will also enjoy good mental health and enough time to play, make love, and have lots of vibrant moments. A compassionate heart is peaceful and patient.

To find your compassionate heart, you must open your heart. To open your heart go inside and take a look. There you may find your inner conflicts covering up your lovely heart. These are the conflicts you must heal, forgive, and transform in order to be at peace. There is no magic, you must do the personal growth needed to heal, forgive, and transform this dense energy out and away from you.

The secret is to find your emotional self who must be protected from the crazy lose-lose situation you are constantly putting her in. Only when you are safe from your judgment can you experience peace and harmony instead of conflict and disharmony.

There is sanity in the real world. The war between your brain and heart is real and one will win, every single time, every single moment of your day. Only one can be your master. You get to choose.

A pause and a wonder. Stop, feel, and be in awe of what you find, the precious one that is you.

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OPEN YOUR HEART: The benefits of opening your heart are peace, patience, kindness, love, and vibrant moments. Opening the Heart audio series is the guide to help you find your emotional self and learn how to keep her safe from your judgments. Your emotional self leads you to peace and your purpose in life. Three hours of relaxing, comforting audio to use again and again to help you do the personal growth needed to follow your heart. Order “Opening the Heart,” $97.00, money-back guarantee.

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========================

ALREADY OWN OPENING THE HEART? Learn more about your sensitive self and how to trust your intuition and poet. Did you know that twenty percent of the population is highly sensitive? Another twenty percent is sensitive. This special report, “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person” addresses the concerns and psychological problems you may have in accepting, developing, and using your intuitive skills to your advantage. 31-page PDF file, $19.97, money-back guarantee.

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TAME YOUR THOUGHTS: Your thoughts are strong, keep you awake at night, and are often out of control. You must pay attention to your thoughts and get rid of the rotten, lose-lose ones as fast as you can. Tame Your Thoughts is an hour tele-seminar that helps you change masters. $29.97, money-back guarantee.

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=========================

How to Be More Empathic

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Stop Reacting.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==================

A neuroscientist at the UC Irvine School of Medicine, Dr. James Fallon is an expert on the minds of psychopaths. His research on the brains of psychopaths resulted in his own brain being analyzed without his knowledge. When he found out his brain looks just like the brain of psychopaths, he did not freak out and refuse to accept the data.

Instead, he started to ask his family and friends about his personality and behavior. Psychopaths have an antisocial personality and they do not empathize with others. When he asked his wife and children, they surprised him. His wife said, “You are lacking in empathy.” His children told him, “You are not there emotionally.”

Checking out the feedback you receive is how you need to respond when you get outside data. Do not discount the data, take it to heart and see what is true and what is not true. Listen to what others say and receive it. The moment you get outside data is the moment you can make huge changes for the better. This is one reason a good psychologist or mentor is worth every penny.

While Dr. Fallon is acting kinder, he still reports that he does not feel kind. For success, he needs to feel kind and not just act kind, but at least he is making the attempt to become more loving. Being open to the truth about himself is the first step toward creating better relationships.

If you want better relationships you must also stop reacting defensively when you get feedback from others. Listening to others is one of the major ways you can successfully create healthy, loving relationships. Giving up your defensive reactions is the best way to prevent divorce and break-ups.

Acting kinder toward others is not the way to be successful in becoming more empathic and loving. What you must do is unlearn self-rejection and learn how to feel kinder toward yourself.

When you feel kind toward yourself, you will not have any trouble feeling kinder toward others. Others feel you and respond to you in kind.

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BE KINER TOWARD YOURSELF: To access your kindness, read the shorten version of the Opening the Heart Ebook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Even if you have listened to the audio or read the original Opening the Heart Ebook, the edited “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love” clarifies and explains in more detail the process of feeling your way through life.

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=========================

How to Create a Breakthrough to Enjoy Life More

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Create and Enjoy Breakthroughs!
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==================

A client arrived at my door smiling and happy. “I can’t wait to tell you the good news. I am a different person,” she beamed. And indeed, she did beam. When we sat down face to face, she told me all about how her obsessive-compulsive behaviors were fifty percent better after our last session.

Due to my highly empathic nature I was also beaming… and learning. I wanted to know exactly what happened in the last session that was so effective. She had shared a traumatic event in her life that she had shared before. What had occurred during the last session that created this sudden, dramatic change for the better? I am always curious about the essential ingredients of transformation.

From my point of view she has shared more details, more pain and Ah, I remembered how she moved her hands just so and showed me. The body, maybe her body was more involved? Maybe she actually felt her emotions more in her heart and soul?

She tried to answer my questions. “I don’t know. When I go to wash my hands, I remember I don’t have to.” We talked about Lady Macbeth washing her hands over and over in an unconscious state of distress and what a brilliant psychologist Shakespeare was …

“What I thought was true was not true.” Umm, this sounds important, I perked up. She somehow discovered for sure that her belief was false. We had talked about her magical thinking over and over again. But what happened that proved to her that her belief was really, really, false?

She was more honest in sharing with me her pain, helplessness, and complete confusion. Aha! Yes, her mental confusion was expressed much more clearly and that was when her hands were telling her story with such depth. Maybe this was the essential factor in her current breakthrough! She had been too embraced to tell anyone the truth, even me.

Her mental confusion was the result of the bigger, stronger, outside attacking force. Her emotional honestly allowed me to validate with more vigor, yes, the outside forces were attacking and hurting her. But the important factor may have been that this time she confessed more of what she had been too ashamed to admit before. Sharing her embarrassing, irrational thought patterns allowed me to correct deeper levels of her fuzzy thinking.

Fuzzy thinking is one of the major obstacles to success in personal and professional growth. Fuzzy thinking is The Reason most people do not make and keep enough money on hand! Fuzzy thinking is hard to expose and clear up. Take actions to clear up your fuzzy thinking as soon as you can for better results and exciting breakthroughs!

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WANT TO THINK MORE CLEARLY? With all the fuzzy thinking in the world, it is hard to get clear about what is false and not false. You cannot expose your false beliefs to yourself. You have to have some outside help in getting clear so your fuzzy thinking can be corrected. My mentor of many years helped me with my fuzzy thinking. Wow, am I glad! You can also learn from Marcia Yudkin author of twelve books. Listen to our teleseminar about Marcia’s “Six Principles to Clear Business Thinking.” Learn six, simple principles to repeatedly use to get what you want and need–even money! Money-back guarantee. Yelp, cost is $29.97.

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FEEL YOUR EXPERIENCE: To access your feelings, read the shorten version of the Opening the Heart Ebook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Even if you have listened to the audio or read the original Opening the Heart Ebook, the edited “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love” clarifies and explains in more detail the process of feeling your way through life.

Order your copy for $2.99:
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=========================

How to Develop Self-Confidence by Doing Something Different

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Take Care of Yourself.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

==================

Are you taking care of yourself?
Are you taking care of others?

Both of my parents taught me to take care of them. Neither of them taught me how to take care of myself. If I had to pick the one most important false belief you need to unlearn, it would be: In order to be loved you must take care of others.

I spent the first thirty-four years of my life paying attention to others. I noticed what I thought they wanted and needed. Then I did what I thought they wanted and needed. The Southern culture really adds fuel to the idea that you are born to take care of others.

Everyone’s “feelings” get “hurt” down south. You have to walk around on egg shells to make sure you do not hurt someone’s “feelings.” Now, I admit there are some mighty sensitive people down south, but is it really my job to inhibit my thoughts, feelings, and behavior so I do not hurt their “ego?”

I was the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect wife, and of course, the perfect psychologist. Pleasing others seemed to work just fine, until I lost the love I thought I had secured. The rug was pulled out from under me even though I trusted that I was loved because I did such a great job of taking care of my lover.

I did not know that taking care of others makes you dependent, unhappy, resentful, bitter, needy, greedy, weak, and sick. A resentful person is not any fun to be around. No, everyone wants to run away from you and finally they do! Caretakers are often left in the dust wondering what went wrong?

Taking care of others hurts the people you are taking care of just as much as it hurts you. Love has nothing to do with care-taking behavior. When you love someone you help them but you do not do for them what they need to do for themselves. This is especially true with children. Parents need to show their children how to take care of themselves by taking care of themselves!

When you are around people who take care of themselves, you are free to be yourself. You do not have to walk on eggshells and inhibit behaviors. You can relax and be yourself. If you happen to truly hurt someone’s feelings, you apologize and promise to be more sensitive.

There is a huge difference between hurting someone’s ego and hurting someone’s emotional self. Being mean hurts others. Being yourself does not hurt others. Feel the difference. Take action steps that lead to unlearning the false belief that no one will love you if you do not take care of them.

People love you when you let them close to you so they feel the sensitive emotional person that you are. You are lovable without having to do anything. Love is free and has no strings.

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TAKE CARE OF YOUR HIGHLY SENSITIVE SELF: Move beyond your ego defensive reactions into taking care of your sensitive self. Get help with being overwhelmed and confused so you accept, love, and protect your sensitive nature. Order “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person.” Get the facts about your highly sensitive nature as well as tons of support and encouragement to be yourself and shine. PDF, 31 pages, $19.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
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=========================

TAKE CARE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF: The Amazon shorten version of the Opening the Heart Ebook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love” teaches you how to find, accept, and love your sensitive, emotional self. Even if you have listened to the audio or read the original Opening the Heart Ebook, the edited “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love” clarifies and explains in more detail the process of healing your emotional self.

Order your copy for $3.99:
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=========================

How to Improve Your Sexual Health For More Joy

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Protect Your Energy.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

==================

A reader asks, “What is Sexual Health and how can I improve it?”

Last week I offered you a full-bodied, holistic psychology definition of sexual health. If you are sexually healthy you are mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy. Do not waste time, money, and energy, take appropriate actions that slowly and surely begin to improve your sexual health. Read What is Sexual Health if you missed it: http://thevibrantmoment.com/?p=1528

Ok, onward to the second part of the answer. How can you improve your sexual health?

An effective way to improve your sexual health is to learn how to relax your body so you feel your body feelings, physical sensations, and energy. The problem is, you may be afraid to relax your body. If you relax your body, your sexual energy automatically surfaces. Therefore, you may become anxious when you try to relax, or become relaxed, because you are afraid of the potency of your sexual energy.

The second most important way to improve your sexual health is to learn how to feel your emotional feelings. You may also be afraid to feel your emotions. Most people are. This is the reason our entire species is emotionally immature. You have been taught to avoid, deny, and hate your emotions.

The only reason I can find to justify such an incredibly strong self-destructive response is that our species is terrified of the powerful, vital energy in Pandora’s box. Therefore, you must overcome your fear and anxiety of your emotions before you feel safe enough to allow your vital energy to flow.

If you already feel comfortable letting go of control, go ahead and do it! You will be successful in reaching sexual health when you physically and emotionally love yourself. Your sexual energy will flow throughout your body making all your cells happy and healthy. Your healthy emotional expression will make your energy field glow with radiant energy. You enjoy abundant holistic health.

However, if you cannot let go of control with comfort, then you must ease your way into relaxing and feeling safe in your body. You need to put your toe into the deep water of emotions and check these colorful energies out before you dive in and float. You must know how to protect yourself before you can achieve sexual health.

Last week I suggested you, “Pay attention to how you relate to your sexual self. Is she or he “in the closet, hiding from you?” Or are you in love with your sexual self, protecting this part of you from inner or external judgments? Just notice, do not make yourself wrong about what you notice.”

If you did the exercise I am sure you exposed one or more of the mental judgments you have in your head that attack you and your sexuality. It is your judgmental thoughts that keep you in control so that you do not do anything “bad” or “wrong.”

I do not want you to do anything bad or wrong either. However, I do want to free you of the chains of control you have around your sexuality so you achieve magnificent sexual health. Children and adults need to feel their body and live in it for good mental and physical health. Children and adults need to feel their emotions to know what is real and true.

Please, replace your mental judgments with self-love so you begin to directly experience the true nature of your sexual energy. Your sexual energy is nothing but spiritual energy that you are trying to control and cannot control.

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IMPROVE YOUR SEXUAL HEALTH: Relax into your body so you feel your body feelings and pleasurable sensations slowly and securely. A successful, step-by-step, body approach shows you how to get into your body feelings and feel comfortable being turned on and alive. As you reduce your anxiety, your sexual energy increases and you feel so good, secure, and strong. Become master of your sexual energy so you have better sex and loving relationships. Order the home study course, “For Men: Become a Better Lover – How to Have a Better Sex Life,” 10 written lessons, seven hours of audio, $249.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order: “For Men: Become a Better Lover – How to Have a Better Sex Life.” http://www.drjeanette.com/becomeabetterlover.html

For Women. Reduce your anxiety and enjoy being turned on and loved. The same general anxiety reduction material in the home study course for men is included in the Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study course although it is not specifically geared toward sexual anxiety. Order “Overcome Anxiety Naturally,” five hours of emotional health audio and ten written lessons, $199.97. Money-back guarantee.

Read more and order “Overcome Anxiety Naturally.”
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

SUMMER BONUS: Order either home study course before Sunday, July 5 and get fifteen minutes of free email sessions to help you stay on course and be successful, worth $50.00.

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FEELING GUILTY? Guilt and shame are the two major ways you control your sexual energy. Both are deadly in stopping the natural, healthy flow of sexual and emotional energy. Get the support and help you need to break free from guilt and live a guilt-free life. Order the self-help audio “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment.” One hour, $29.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/guiltbuster.html

SUMMER BONUS: Order “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment” before Sunday, July 5 and get the free self-help audio, “Tame Your Thoughts” worth $29.97 for free. Must mention The Vibrant Moment in check out box to get free audio. http://www.drjeanette.com/tameyourthoughts.html

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FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS: The Amazon shorten version of the Opening the Heart Ebook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love” teaches you the difference between controlled, out of control, and flowing sexual energy in the first section. Even if you have listened to the audio or read the original Opening the Heart Ebook, the edited “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love” clarifies and explains in more detail the process of healing your emotional self.

Order your copy for $3.99:
http://www.amazon.com/HEAL-BROKEN-HEART-STOP-HURT-ebook/dp/B00AO7DU2E

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Take Your Sexual Self Out of the Closet for Better Holistic Health

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Relax and Feel Good.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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A reader asks, “What is Sexual Health and how can I improve it?”

In the early 1980’s, a client came into my office and complained, “Why didn’t you tell me I was going to feel more sexual? I did not know this was going to happen and you never mentioned it.” She frowned at me. She was not happy she felt so “turned on” as a result of our work together.

Honestly, I never even thought about her sexual health improving as a result of teaching her to relax and feel her emotions. She had a husband, they had sex, no known sexual problem. Yet, as her anxiety level dropped more and more, her sexual energy automatically and naturally increased! To me, this was good news. To her, she was scared of her increased sexual desire.

I mention this client to help you appreciate the power and potency of your sexual energy. If you do not already have good sexual health, there is a high probability you are afraid of letting your sexuality flow freely. Therefore, when you begin to improve your sexual health, make sure you keep tabs on your anxiety all along the way if you want to be successful in unlearning your sexual inhibitions.

Let me remind you that the better your sexual health, the better your mental and physical health. This week, I will give you a definition of sexual health. Next week I will talk about ways to improve it. Sex technically refers only to intercourse, which is a biological function for reproduction. However, people today, and according to the World Health Organization, sexual health is:

“a central aspect of being human throughout life encompasses sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviours, practices, roles and relationships. While sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all of them are always experienced or expressed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, psychological, social, economic, political, cultural, legal, historical, religious and spiritual factors.” (WHO, 2006a)

As you can see, your sexual health is involved not only with your innate physical responses but interacts with all the existing factors in your outside world. As a holistic psychologist and sex therapist I base your sexual health on your ability to love yourself and others. This means you need to love your body, sexual response, emotional expression, and spiritual energy.

First, you need to know that your sexual health does not depend on having sex with someone else. Absolutely, not! You can also have pleasurable physical organisms without being touched by another person. You can have an amazing spiritual kundalini experience without being touched by another person.

Your sexual health has to do with how you relate to your sexuality, not how someone else relates to your sexuality. For good sexual health you must know, accept, and love your own unique blend of sexual needs, desires, and responsiveness.

If you are sexually healthy you will be:
Able to let go of control and feel your body feelings
Aware of your body and how it feels when you move
Able to relax into your body as needed
Comfortable with your natural body orders
At ease touching your body for comfort and pleasure
Able to let loving people touch your body
Receptive, allowing energy into your body
Expressive, giving energy outward to others
Spontaneous and free of inhibitions
Able to love and be loved
Able to give and receive physical pleasure
Comfortable having orgasms alone and with others
Self-confident with or without a sexual partner

Write down which of these abilities you are already good at and which you need to work on. Your degree of sexual health depends on how many, how much, and how often, you enjoy these qualities and experiences. The more, the better your sexual health.

This week pay attention to how you relate to your sexual self. Is she or he “in the closet, hiding from you?” Or are you in love with your sexual self, protecting this part of you from inner or external judgments? Just notice, do not make yourself wrong about what you notice.

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GET TURNED ON: If you are stuck in your head thinking most of the time, Order “Hear Your Body Talking” and really listen with your whole body so you begin to honor your body wisdom and begin to love and take better care of your physical home. One-hour personal growth love your body audio, $29.97.

Read and order: Hear Your Body Talking: http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

SUMMER BONUS: Order before Sunday, June 28 and get another personal growth audio of your choice worth $29.97 from this list. http://www.drjeanette.com/cds.html Must mention The Vibrant Moment to get free personal growth audio.

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WANT TO RELAX AND FEEL GOOD? Learn to relax and feel your emotions so you get more turned on to life. Take the home study course, “Overcome Anxiety Naturally,” five hours of emotional health audio and ten written lessons, $199.97. Money-back guarantee.

SUMMER BONUS: Order before Sunday, June 28 and get fifteen minutes of free email sessions to help you stay on course and be successful, worth $50.00.

Read more and order “Overcome Anxiety Naturally.”
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html
======================

FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS: The Amazon shorten version of the Opening the Heart Ebook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love” teaches you the difference between controlled, out of control, and flowing sexual energy in the first section. Even if you have listened to the audio or read the original Opening the Heart Ebook, the edited “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love” clarifies and explains in more detail the process of healing your emotional self.

Order “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love” for $3.99 from Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/HEAL-BROKEN-HEART-STOP-HURT-ebook/dp/B00AO7DU2E

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How to Overcome Perfectionism? Stop Anxiety From Ruining Your Life!

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Chaos is Not Dangerous.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Do you want to be perfect?
Do you find fault with people who are slow or unsure?

Perhaps you have an inner critic called “Ms. Perfect” or “Mr. Never Satisfied.” Perfectionism is a serious upper class mental health problem. Even the middle and lower classes can think being perfect has it virtues. A la the White Picket Fence Envy Syndrome of those living outside the perfect house where the perfect family live with the perfect kids and perfect jobs.

Perfect people cannot let go of control and experience colors, feelings, and emotions. Therefore, if you try to be perfect you do not enjoy vibrant moments, playful lovemaking, and heart-felt happiness. Being spontaneous, free, and joyful are rare events if you spend your time trying to be perfect.

Trying to be perfect makes you anxious and keeps you controlled. Since you are afraid of doing something wrong and bad, you severely inhibit your body and how it moves. This causes mental illness, sleepless nights, boredom, and physical diseases. Notice how much energy being perfect consumes.

Early in my career I discovered that perfect people were always afraid that if they let go of control they would be out of control. Perhaps you also need to know that when you let go of control you are not automatically in an out of control state. You may feel out of control since you are not used to chaos. Chaos is a period of time where you experience being a mess or making a mess.

If you do not have a mess or become a mess, from time to time, then you are stuck in a tiny perfect place of rigidity. Messes are part of the natural process of transformation. Chaos is not an out of control state. It is a necessary state you must accept, if you want to be successful in personal growth and make dramatic changes in your life.

Note what the scientist credited with discovering Chaos Theory, Edward Lorenz, called his paper in 1972: “Predictability: Does the Flap of a Butterfly’s Wings in Brazil set off a Tornado in Texas?” Indeed it could and more. Chaos fuels personal growth, change, and transformation.

Some of you may be familiar with the ongoing story of the man in North Carolina on the CBS Evening News who is dying and finding deep meaning and purpose to his life. In March, 2015, we learned that he had tested the “butterfly effect” to see if one act of kindness in a North Carolina restaurant could go around the world. His act of kindness reached Africa.

What about you? What do you set off when you flap your wings or break free? What happens when you stop controlling yourself and create a mess? What are the results of not washing the dishes and making love instead?

We know from Chaos Theory that Mother Nature does indeed know what she is doing. Disorder, just like feeling your emotions, moves into order naturally on its own. It is safe to let go of control and enjoy the natural flow of your energy. Your natural energy flow gives you peak experiences and makes you physically stronger and mentally healthier.

On the other hand, being out of control is dangerous. Flying mental energy bolting around without awareness is dangerous. When your energy is not grounded, you are out of control. This means you need to quickly get back in your body and ground your energy so you do not hurt yourself or others.

Chaos is not dangerous. Chaos is part of nature and obeys natural laws. Go ahead and let go of control. Enjoy being an artist and free spirit, make a mess and reap the benefits of being creative and happy.

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YOUR BODY IS FOR GROUNDING! Yes, one of the three reasons you have a body is to keep your energy safe and securely grounded. Study the body awareness audio, “3 Reasons You Have a Body: Hear Your Body Talking” to feel more secure letting go of control. Improve your relationship with your body for better results in relationships. Your body knows more than your conscious mind. Your body never forgets and never lies. One hour, $29.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

Free Bonus: Order “3 Reasons You Have a Body: Hear Your Body Talking,” before Monday, June 22 and pick the other personal growth audio, worth $29.97, you would love to own from this list: http://www.drjeanette.com/cds.html

======================

CONTROLLED OR OUT OF CONTROL? The Amazon shorten version of the Opening the Heart Ebook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love” teaches you the difference between controlled, out of control, and flowing energy in the first section. Even if you have listened to the audio or read the original Opening the Heart Ebook the edited “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love” clarifies and explains in more detail the process of healing your emotional self.

Order your copy for $3.99:
http://www.amazon.com/HEAL-BROKEN-HEART-STOP-HURT-ebook/dp/B00AO7DU2E

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