Self Confidence Tip: Choose Power and Forget Control

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Choose Power.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach


When I first noticed I was nervous before a certain client arrived for our session, I became very curious as to the reason I would experience anxiety with her and not any of my other clients. My client always dressed perfectly, had lots of money, a good job, and had no problem except for losing her partner.

Exploring the reason I was nervous about meeting with this client lead to one of my first major breakthroughs as a young psychologist. I discovered the physical difference between control and power. Most people, and many psychologists, are fooled by the man or woman who exhibits a great deal of control.

In some circles, controlling your behavior is highly praised and valued in the USA and Europe. In my early psychotherapy groups, I often had to deal with some members putting the controlled person in the group up on a pedestal. As a result, they felt “inferior” to the person who was in control.

Many highly controlled people are functional in the world because they are rewarded and reinforced for being “in control.” Even current psychological treatments in 2014 focus on controlling your anger, having to be positive, and thinking your way to happiness.

However, since I was using relaxation therapy and desensitization therapy back in the late 1970’s to reduce anxiety in sexual situations as a sex therapist, I knew that control was never functional in the bedroom and in matters of the heart. Control of any sort immediately kills emotional intimacy and delicious lovemaking.

As I felt my anxiety about the client who was about to arrive in my office, I suddenly realized my client was in control. She put herself on a pedestal, she was perfect. As a result, she was unpleasant to be around. I was not looking forward to seeing her.

When I realized she was in control, I knew she was highly anxious. Knowing she was anxious make it easy to be compassion toward her so I could then help her relax her body so she could feel more comfortable being herself.

The bottom-line is, the more anxious you are, the more controlling you are. The more relaxed you are, the more powerful you are.

Reading body language is extremely helpful. A tense body is different from a relaxed body. Power and control cannot exist in your body at the same time. You are either in a state of power or control. One physical state blocks out the other.

You get to choose power or control every moment of your life.

Real power is the healthy energy that is measured by physicists as voltage. The more voltage, the more power. When you are in a state of power you radiate good energy around you and your resistance to disease is high.

Power is the vital energy that gives you vibrant moments. Notice what, when, where, and how you control yourself. Then, choose to be powerful by loving yourself as you are in the moment. Give up seeking to be in control.


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READ BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class on Body Language in 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Your body gives you the feedback about whether you are in control or power. Please email me and let me know if you are interested. The cost will be $300.00.

If I do not answer your email, call me at 215-732-6197.


Transformation or Therapy? Try the New, Holistic Psychology Way

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Change Your Matter.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach


Therapy or Transformation?
Which one do you choose?

One of the major differences between the current, traditional psychology and the new, holistic psychology is its primary goal and purpose.

Traditional psychology often aims to help you adjust your behavior so that you do not make others uncomfortable. This is the medical, psychotherapy model. Every time the new psychiatric diagnosis manual comes out more and more normal behaviors are being labeled as mental illness.

For example, grieving the loss of a loved one. The new psychiatric manual gives you six months to grieve a close, loving relationship before you get a mental illness label. Once you get a mental illness label, medication is usually recommended to stop you from experiencing your naturally occurring feelings and emotions.

In sharp contrast, the New, Holistic Psychology aims to help you achieve emotional, physical, and mental health and wellness. Any good psychologist knows that normal, healthy grieving takes approximately two years before you can think about your loved one without crying and feeling hurt and pain.

Do you want to control your behavior using the medical, psychotherapy model? Or do you want to transform your energy, matter, and problem so you can relax and be yourself?

The Holistic Psychology Way uses the transformation model. This means you let go of control and allow the natural health and wellness process of life to change your ineffective behaviors into effective behaviors.

Mother Earth is the expert when it comes to achieving the healthy flow of energy that naturally leads to holistic health and wellness. This is the reason I started doing transformational workshops outdoors in nature 25 years ago. As the Philadelphia Inquirer noted, “Mother Nature is Dr. Jeanette’s co-therapist.”

Being close, attached, and connected to Mother Earth keeps you safe and sane. The goal and purpose of a nature workshop is to show you how to transform your unhealthy energy, tense matter, and real problems into effective solutions that are safe, effective, and enjoyable.

Change your matter, not just your mind.


Depression, SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorders Treatment: Winterize Your Habits

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Winterize Your Habits.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach


With the light in the north hemisphere decreasing, it is time to bring in effective ways to avoid depression, keep SAD (Seasonal affective disorders), and the blues away. With less external light you need to change your habits and routines to beef up the positive, uplifting energy in your daily life.

Here are three ways to deal with depression and SAD the Holistic Psychology Way:

1.  Warm up your feet and hands with body work and body awareness.

Any martial arts that attracts you and sounds like fun is excellent. I prefer the energy aspects of Aikido. Look for body awareness classes in your neighborhood that your body is eager to enjoy. Consider Alexandria and Feldenkrais classes.

You notice immediate benefits as soon as you start to live in your body instead of living in your thoughts. Soon, more blood will be flowing through your feet and hands on a regular basis and the cold winter will not seem so cold and depressing.

2.  Give yourself more rest, relaxation, and sleep.

Your winter needs are very different from your summer needs. Feel like a bear. Let the cooler weather change your habits and do what feels good. I sleep more in the winter and spend more time resting and doing nothing.

If you are a person who does not let yourself take naps, reconsider. Naps are not bad, they are good for the body and soul. Naps have always been an integral part of my insomnia program. Naps feel so good anytime of the day or night.

3.  Bring in more sunlight.

When I was teaching in Sweden in 1999 at the University for Global Well Being, I suffered from SAD (Seasonal affective disorders) due to the continuous cloudy days of Northern Europe. As soon as the sun would finally peep out, after days and days of clouds, all the teachers and students ran out of the buildings and stood outdoors. As a group we stood tall and soaked up the brief sunlight as if it was the most precious energy in the world! And it was.

Therefore, I created a light exercise to help myself and the students bring in more light. You can also use the power tool of your imagination and visualization. Stand outside and imagine the sun, which is right behind the clouds, shining its strong, intense, sunny rays on your face and body. Feel it as if it is really happening. Imagining the sunlight makes it happen. You can also use your imagination inside as needed.

If you put into action all three of the Holistic Psychology suggestions for avoiding SAD, I am sure your winter be not be as depressing as last winter. Your behavior needs to change with the seasons if you want to enjoy good emotional, physical and mental health.

Let me know if you try any of these depression and SAD busters. Give me feedback about what helps you get through the winter without getting stuck in the blues and winter depression.


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Self Esteem Tip: Say Something Nice to Yourself

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Say kind words out loud.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach


You are important and you matter.

How many times a day do you say something kind, warm, and encouraging to yourself? Most of you did not learn to say loving, positive, supportive words to yourself because your parents did not model self-loving behavior for you.

You learn how to relate to yourself based on how your parents related to themselves. Even if your parents did their best to be kind to you, you learned to relate to yourself based on the behavior they modeled for you.

My mother was kind to me. However, she yelled mean, nasty things to herself whenever she made a mistake. As a result, I learned to yell mean, nasty things to myself when I made a mistake.

What did you learn from your mother? Father? Teachers?

Unfortunately, self-judgment, self- criticism and self-rejection are universal mental health problems. However, the good news is, since self-judgment is a learned behavior, you can unlearn this unhelpful behavior.

Early in my career, I noticed that I attacked myself viciously when I make a mistake in my professional practice. If I made a mistake about the time of an appointment, I would be mean to myself for over two weeks without any reprise. It was as if I had committed the ultimate sin of all sins and could not be forgiven!

As I brought this unconscious nasty behavior up to my conscious mind, I realized how unhelpful self-judgment was to my well-being, self-confidence, and mental health. Making myself miserable and destroying my self-confidence was not what I wanted to do to myself.

So, I put into practice what I was teaching my clients. I began to be kinder, more understanding and patient with myself when I made a mistake. The ultimate truth is, when you make a mistake, is when you desperately need love not judgment!

Besides, you get much better results when you are kind to yourself than you do when you are mean to yourself. When I was kinder to myself, I was less likely to make mistakes in general because I was more relaxed and comfortable. In addition, I was more fun to be around because I was not making other people wrong and bad all the time when they made a mistake.

Unkind words projected out on others are the natural outcome of self-judgment. If you are being unkind to others or think others are being unkind to you, notice how you are relating to yourself. Your nastiness is occurring in your own head or lurking in your unconscious!

Being unkind is not the same thing as being honest and assertive. Meanness has a very different energy from assertiveness. Highly sensitive people can feel the barbs that come with nasty, attacking energy. Attacks on yourself or others are never justified–no matter what.

So, notice the words you say to yourself.

Bring up your nasty comments to your conscious mind so they do not hurt you anymore. Own your meanness and stop projecting it out on others. Taking responsibility for your thoughts is the only way you can unlearn this unkind way of relating to yourself.

Next, shift into saying kind, positive, and loving words to yourself out loud. This quickly improves your mood, day, and self-confidence. Your cells smile and your whole mind body benefits.


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