The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Say kind words out loud.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
You are important and you matter.
How many times a day do you say something kind, warm, and encouraging to yourself? Most of you did not learn to say loving, positive, supportive words to yourself because your parents did not model self-loving behavior for you.
You learn how to relate to yourself based on how your parents related to themselves. Even if your parents did their best to be kind to you, you learned to relate to yourself based on the behavior they modeled for you.
My mother was kind to me. However, she yelled mean, nasty things to herself whenever she made a mistake. As a result, I learned to yell mean, nasty things to myself when I made a mistake.
What did you learn from your mother? Father? Teachers?
Unfortunately, self-judgment, self- criticism and self-rejection are universal mental health problems. However, the good news is, since self-judgment is a learned behavior, you can unlearn this unhelpful behavior.
Early in my career, I noticed that I attacked myself viciously when I make a mistake in my professional practice. If I made a mistake about the time of an appointment, I would be mean to myself for over two weeks without any reprise. It was as if I had committed the ultimate sin of all sins and could not be forgiven!
As I brought this unconscious nasty behavior up to my conscious mind, I realized how unhelpful self-judgment was to my well-being, self-confidence, and mental health. Making myself miserable and destroying my self-confidence was not what I wanted to do to myself.
So, I put into practice what I was teaching my clients. I began to be kinder, more understanding and patient with myself when I made a mistake. The ultimate truth is, when you make a mistake, is when you desperately need love not judgment!
Besides, you get much better results when you are kind to yourself than you do when you are mean to yourself. When I was kinder to myself, I was less likely to make mistakes in general because I was more relaxed and comfortable. In addition, I was more fun to be around because I was not making other people wrong and bad all the time when they made a mistake.
Unkind words projected out on others are the natural outcome of self-judgment. If you are being unkind to others or think others are being unkind to you, notice how you are relating to yourself. Your nastiness is occurring in your own head or lurking in your unconscious!
Being unkind is not the same thing as being honest and assertive. Meanness has a very different energy from assertiveness. Highly sensitive people can feel the barbs that come with nasty, attacking energy. Attacks on yourself or others are never justified–no matter what.
So, notice the words you say to yourself.
Bring up your nasty comments to your conscious mind so they do not hurt you anymore. Own your meanness and stop projecting it out on others. Taking responsibility for your thoughts is the only way you can unlearn this unkind way of relating to yourself.
Next, shift into saying kind, positive, and loving words to yourself out loud. This quickly improves your mood, day, and self-confidence. Your cells smile and your whole mind body benefits.
HEAR KIND WORDS IN YOUR EARS: My comforting voice puts kind, loving words in your head and psyche. Use anytime you want to feel better about yourself and relax. The “Opening the Heart” audio, models for you how to be kinder and more loving toward yourself. Receive comfort and learn to be kinder toward yourself as you take an inner journey into your solar plexus and heart. 3 hours, mp3, CDs, $97.00, money-back guarantee.
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CLICK TO HEAR THE AUDIO SAMPLE: http://www.drjeanette.com/feelingsweb.mp3
STOP JUDGMENTAL THOUGHTS: The “Overcome Anxiety Naturally” home study course helps you become conscious of how mean you are being to yourself with awareness exercises. You learn how your attacks on yourself make you anxious. The 10 written lessons models self-loving behavior so you stop being so nasty to yourself. PLUS you get the “Opening the Heart,” “Tame Your Thoughts” and “Break the Grip of Anxiety: An Overview” audio all for $149.97, money-back guaranteed.
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FALL BONUS: Order the “Overcome Anxiety Naturally” home study course before Sunday, October 5 and get a free audio mp3 worth $29.97. “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment” is a one-hour personal growth tele-seminar worth $29.97. To get free audio you must mention The Vibrant Moment when you check out.
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