Self Esteem Tip: Self Confidence is Based on Reality, Not What You Think!

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Look in the mirror for a photo of me.




The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Get Honest Feedback
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach


Do you see yourself realistically?

Last night I was pondering one of my teachers’ writings, teachings, and behaviors. I love him and that is the reason I choose him to be my teacher. I resonate with him. This means my vibration is similar to his vibration.

However, he made a comment in his book about how warm and fuzzy he was. Since I have spent time with him in person I was surprised to hear him say he was warm and fuzzy. I did not find him to be huggable. I checked with a friend who attended his workshop and she did not find him to be warm and fuzzy either.

We all have blind spots and these blind spots can appear to be ridiculous to others. So, I wondered about myself. How realistically do I see myself? I think I am warm and fuzzy, am I? Given the number of people who say I give good hugs and ask for more, huggable has a high probability of being correct for me.

To be huggable all the time would not be authentic. When under stress we respond to the stressful stimuli with either anxiety or solutions. So, give yourself and others room to be the full range of human at all times.

Nevertheless, I am intrigued about what others see in me that I do not see. I still thank my post-doc supervisor, Joseph Wolfe, M.D. who asked me, in his charming South African accent, “And exactly what was the reason you said that to your male client at that point in the interview, Dr. Keller?” I was stunted, I had no clinical or scientific reason.

I was Dr. Doris Jeanette Keller at the time and Dr. Wolpe’s comments sent me into a deep depression, feeling criticized, attacked, and inadequate. Thankfully, I looked underneath my defensive reaction to discover I was criticizing myself for being a terrible therapist. Joe’s honest feedback helped me become more realistic about myself as a beginning therapist. He was after all, teaching me how to be a better therapist.

Then there was the bass jazz player who sent me crying all the way home through Rittenhouse Square one cold, late night in Philadelphia. His simple words, “You have a chip on your shoulder,” wounded me to the core and helped eliminate another blind spot.

You cannot be self-confident if you are unrealistic about yourself. If you do not stand on solid ground, you are insecure, weak, and scared. A self-confident person knows her strengths and weaknesses. Self-confident people have no reason to defend against the truth.

My teacher’s blind spot has inspired me to make a conscious effort to see more of my blind spots this week. How about joining me in my personal growth adventure? Use feedback, energy flow, and behavior to help you become more realistic.

Self-confidence Building Tips:
1.    Notice the non-verbal feedback you get from others
2.    Listen to verbal feedback and notice your reaction
3.    Do not assume someone is criticizing you
4.    Look at yourself in mirrors and in glass panes
5.    Be self-accepting when you see tension
6.    Be self-accepting when you notice judgments

What I am suggesting you do requires moving pass the first major turning point in personal growth. Some fall back at this point and do not move forward. They do not want to see themselves realistically.

Here is a secret power tool to help you be successful making the cut. I call this the First Trick in Transformation: Do not judge that which you find. You will enjoy the process of discovering new blind spots if you do not make yourself wrong or bad about the truths you discover.

Instead, relax, let go,  and trust the process of transformation to take you to a new level of self-confidence.


LEARN MORE ABOUT TRANSFORMATION:  Study the emotional health audio, Opening the Heart, on a daily basis. Includes information about the First Trick in Transformation and helps you stay with yourself though the different stages of personal growth. Delivered in a lullaby sounding voice that is comforting to the heart, body, and soul. 3 hours of self-help audio, $97.00, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:

Order before Saturday, May 32 and receive the written transcript worth $19.97 for free.


ALREADY OWN OPENING THE HEART? Take the Assertiveness Training Course home study course “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” Recognize your passive and aggressive behavior and become assertive. Learning how to be assertive helps you be more realistic about yourself so you have more self-confidence. Stand in your power and enjoy it! $149.97, money-back guarantee.

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USE BODY LANGUAGE FEEDBACK: Your body cannot lie and it reveals the truth about you. Become more aware of your body language. Use body feedback to be realistic so your self-esteem improves. Study “Hear Your Body Talking.” One-hour audio, $29.97, guaranteed.

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Personal Growth Tip: Let Go of Control for Natural Health and Wellness

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The way to be creative, healthy and happy is to let go of control. My kitchen table.




The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Make a Mess.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Live at the Edge:


Do you have a mess you need to clean up?

Could be the mess in your basement, the thoughts of perfection in your mind or the defensive energy that tightens your body.

All of these represent a mess. Your chaos can be literal, disguised, or denied! If you are obsessive compulsive and maintain a sense of control over your outside world you still have disorder inside you that needs to be acknowledged and cleaned up. If your body gets tight, for sure, you have a mess that needs to be exposed, owned, and cleaned up.

Spring cleaning is a necessary part of the transformational process. Having a mess that needs to be cleaned is essential. If you do not have a mess, this means you are controlling yourself and your environment so much you are not transforming energy. This means you are stuck in denial or perhaps something worse.

If you are controlling yourself so that you do not think you have a mess, let go of control. When you let go of control your disarray is exposed. You have been controlling yourself precisely because you did not want to make a mess or be a mess. Change this into being proud of your jumbo jumble and know that you have let go of your controlling ego state.

If you see your mess in the basement, take action and throw away the garbage. If you disguise or deny your chaos, help yourself by addressing the reasons you are too scared and anxious to let go of control. You cannot flow, change, create, and transform energy without letting go of control.

When you let go of control, your chaos becomes obvious. To grow, you must make a mess and then clean up your mess. Just like a child who is finger painting and all covered with paint who may one day be a famous artist. You must give yourself the freedom to make a mess and be a mess in order to create your masterpiece.

Creativity is the energy of spring. Get busy changing, flowing, and transforming energy so the lazy days of summer can be enjoyed.


NEED HELP LETTING GO OF CONTROL?  Study and use the emotional health audio, Opening the Heart. A personal guide shows you how to feel safe enough to let go of control and love your mess. Delivered in a lullaby sounding voice that is comforting to the soul. 3 hours of self help audio, $97.00, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:

Order before Monday, May 26 and receive the written transcript worth $19.97 for free.


STOP OUT OF CONTROL ENERGY: Being out of control is the same as being in control; both are unhealthy. Learn more about your emotions and energy so you know where you are controlling yourself, when you are out of control, and when you are flowing. Study the e-book, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Buy at Amazon for $3.99

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Personal Growth Help: Stop Avoiding Hurt to Improve Relationships

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This wonderful golden chain tree is blooming in my backyard right now.



The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Stay With Your Feelings.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Live at the Edge:


Do you try to avoid being hurt?

Many people do.

However, if you are a regular reader of The Vibrant Moment, you know there is an avoidance learning principle that adults and children need to know and understand in order to flourish.

Avoidance Learning Principle

The extensive psychological research in operant and classical conditioning since 1924 reveals that the more you avoid something, the weaker you become.

For example, if you have social anxiety you experience anxiety when you get ready to go to a party. You avoid the party, which avoids your anxiety, which makes you immediately more comfortable.

However, when you avoid the party, your avoidance behavior does not do anything to prevent your anxiety symptoms from occurring again and again in the future. As a matter of fact, your avoidance behavior is reinforced and you are more likely to avoid the next time. This means you will be more anxious the next time and it will be harder for you to go to a party.

Apply this Learning Principle to your Emotional Distress.

The more you try not to be hurt in your relationships, the weaker you become. The more you avoid being close to others in a relationship, the more isolated you become. Your sense of self gets smaller and smaller and your anxiety about being hurt gets bigger and bigger. Soon, you live in a tiny box and your body and mind begins to get sick and feeble.

To top it off, the worst result of your avoidance conditioning is, you get hurt anyway. Yes, you get hurt no matter what! You feel hurt by others even though you are living in a box because you do not want to get hurt by others.

In physical reality, which is the area outside of your box, it is not possible to avoid getting hurt by other people. No, it is just not possible to be a sensitive human being and not get hurt by other human beings. Just as it is not possible to avoid anxiety and go to a party.

Put Learning Research Facts into Action

Not only do you need to know and understand how you learned a behavior that is unhelpful to you. You also need to take an action step and put your knowledge to good use. You must actively unlearn your self-destructive avoidance behavior if you want to be mentally healthy and physically strong.

Therefore, you must stop avoiding hurt, now or later. There is no other way to achieve natural health and wellness. You must stay with yourself when you feel hurt and welcome hurt when it arrives.

Staying with yourself through hurt, loss, and grief is a necessary emotional health skill you need to learn in order to be effective in your relationships. If you are a parent you need to learn these essential emotional health skills so you model them for your children.


LEARN TO STAY WITH YOUR FEELINGS: Use the emotional health audio, Opening the Heart. In a loving voice you have a personal guide who shows you how to stay with yourself when you feel hurt and afraid. The Opening the Heart audio series is three hours of education in the essential emotional health skills needed to enjoy relationships. Delivered in a lullaby sounding voice that is comforting to the soul. $97.00, money back guarantee.

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STOP AVOIDING: Learn more about your feelings, emotions and energy. Study the eBook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Buy at Amazon for $3.99

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