Monthly Archives: December 2014

How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Be Effective.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Get real. Get ready. Roar!

This is my tag line. These short phrases sum up the process of transformation and successful personal growth. If you want your New Year’s Resolutions to bear fruit, you must put the natural laws of transformation into play in your own life.

Positive change does not just happen. Losing weight, eating better, feeling more self-confident, having a good sex life, and living more fully must be orchestrated. You do not achieve peak performance or have peak experiences without taking the pathway that leads to your goals.

Just imagine how much education and practice it takes for a musician to deliver beautiful sounds into your heart. Be realistic about how much coaching and practice it takes for a quarterback to throw a touchdown pass once in a while!

If you want to be effective, you also have to practice. However, before you practice, you must know what to practice! To achieve permanent weight loss you have to know what to do, how to do it and when to do it! Otherwise, you are wasting your time, money, and effort. The weight will come back in full force even after you suffer and deprive yourself.

To be effective, you need to know the exact pathway that leads to your goal. This is the reason education, coaching, and mentoring are the best investments you can make in 2015. If you invest in yourself, you will learn what, when, where, and how you need to practice, in order to be effective.

As noted in my tag line, the first general psychological state you must enter is: to get real. You cannot be in denial or exaggeration. You cannot be defensive or in an ego state. To be effective, you must sit in reality and be honest about yourself in every moment. Rose-colored, all-happiness, and everything positive realities do not work.

For example, if you are overweight, you must be honest about what your body looks like before you can lose weight. You have to look in the mirror and see what is there. It is only in reality that you can be effective. The laws of transformation and personal growth only work when you are in reality.

You cannot be effective and reach your New Year’s Resolutions being stuck in your head with positive or negative thoughts about reality. The first thing an effective coach, psychologist, or mentor teaches you is: to get real. Then, you learn what is the next step that leads directly toward your New Year’s Resolution.

Please share this holistic psychology education with friends and family interested in keeping their New Year’s Resolutions: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Grieving? Use the Holidays to Heal Your Heart

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Use the holidays to heal.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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It was eight days before Christmas when my heart was broken at the age of 34. I thought I would die and never get over losing my beloved.

The holidays are much more difficult if you have suffered a major relationship loss. If a loved one has died this year or is in the process of dying, the joy of the season is hard to find. If you were divorced this year or had a break up with your lover, the emotional pain in your broken heart may feel like its more than you can bear.

Currently, my mother’s health is failing and the anguish I feel in losing her is hard to be in. It helps me to remember the unexpected benefits I experienced when I was 34. I decided to stay with myself in my emotional pain, instead of running away or becoming more closed. My life was magically transformed by the natural process of feeling my authentic emotions.

The wide gaping hole in my heart, which I thought was delivered by the loss of my beloved, was just the tip of the iceberg. The loss revealed many long-time emotional hurts that where screaming at me because they needed to be healed. If I did not heal them, I could not grow as a person, become a better psychologist, and live a life of rich meaning and deep purpose.

What would happen if you opened up to your emotional wounds? You could also leave your ordinary and mundane life behind. You could discover that experiencing your hurt is the first sign of a more vibrant, meaningful life. Look at your loss from afar. Look up high or down deep to see how your suffering and pain can have meaning and purpose this holiday season.

Hurts create cracks in your heart. Cracks are the only way you can become more loving and receive more light. See your current hurt as the first sign of more life, vitality, and the beginning of many more vibrant moments.

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Holistic Psychology Solutions To Being Impatient, Irritable and Frustrated

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Become powerful.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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I trust you are looking forward to the third holistic psychology newsletter article about how to deal with impatience and irritability. If you missed the reversal of reality information about impatience read it here: https://thevibrantmoment.com/?p=1348
If you missed the description of exactly what impatient energy is read this:   https://thevibrantmoment.com/?p=1354

Solutions to being impatient and irritable.

To move from impatience to patience, the first thing you need to do is pay careful attention to your thoughts. If you have not been in effective therapy or taken personal growth courses that help you reveal your unconscious thoughts, you may not be aware of your nasty thoughts.

However, if you have been in successful therapy, you know you have mean thoughts stuffed in the dark recesses of your unconscious mind. If you do not know exactly what your nasty thoughts are saying to you, take the home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally to find these buggers and expose them to the light of the conscious mind.

Last week I told you about my racing, out of control thoughts that were attacking me when I got my hand stuck in a very tight yellow glove. When you are impatient, your irrational thoughts are always making you wrong, rushing you to do something different and complaining about the results you are getting.

It is these attacking, irrational thoughts that affect your body, heart, and automatic nervous system. First you experience anxiety in your nervous system, then your anxiety creates feelings of impatience and irritability. Note that being irritable is what causes irritable bowel syndrome and other unpleasant physical diseases.

It stands to reason, if you catch your irrational thoughts making you anxious, you have an excellent chance to tame them. If the problem is inside your head, not outside in the world, you can certainly be effective. All you have to do is learn what, when, where, and how to tame your thoughts.

Yes, I know, sometimes other people really do attack you. In this case, you may think other people are causing you to be impatient. In some ways, they are! However, if you do not agree with what they are saying, they cannot continue to be the source of your anxiety and impatience. This is the secret to how you can become powerful and effective.

Thus, the way to stop your impatience and irritability is to take responsibility for your own nasty thoughts. Taking responsibility for your thoughts is not the same thing as changing your negative thoughts to positive thoughts, which is what Cognitive Behavior Therapy teaches you to do.

Taking responsibility is a bigger, more inclusive way to become effective and powerful. When you take responsibility, you have the power to change your impatience to patience. Taking responsibility puts you in the drivers’ seat.

If someone else is attacking you, you do not, and never will have the power to stop him or her. However, if you are the one attacking you, you can stop when you learn how and decide to stop. When you take responsibility you move from being a victim to being master of the situation.

Back to my burning hand stuck in the tight yellow glove with bleach inside of it. Do not compare yourself to my response, which is based on 32 years of practice being patient with myself. Instead, learn from my example how your default can move from patience to impatience with enough practice.

Looking at the sight of my hand stuck in the yellow mess, all tangled up and wet, I suddenly laughed at myself. “Yelp,” I said to myself, “This is just like me.” The right glove was much tighter, at least a size smaller than the other glove when I put it on. The right glove was probability packaged incorrectly. But that had not stopped me from struggling to put it on in the first place.

Now, I was stuck in a bleached filled glove due to my own undoing. Seeing the humor in the situation, I quickly shifted my point of view bringing newfound energy. Without thinking about it, I yanked the glove off and was free. Relief!

Ah, I returned to my default of being loving and patient with myself. Patience is self-love and self-acceptance. Not only does it feel better to accept all my mistakes, accidents, and foibles, it makes me stronger and more effective!

It was learning to be patient with myself so many years ago that allowed me to enter my first vibrant moment as an adult. The whole world changes when you become patient with yourself. You drop down in the moment, clean up your mess, and continue onward and upward

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TAME YOUR THOUGHTS! Stop your thoughts from making you irritable and impatient. Get to know and learn how tame the racing, attacking thoughts that make you frustrated. Feel calmer and more relaxed by becoming master of your thoughts. One-hour audio, $29.97, money-back guarantee.

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Read more and order:
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WINTER BONUS: Order one of the above personal growth audio and receive the other one for free if you mention The Vibrant Moment in the check out box when you place your order before Dec. 20.

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Mental Health Advice: Notice and Admit Your Impatience

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Admit You are Impatient.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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How often do you get impatient? And with whom?
How often to you get irritable? And with whom?

Here is part two of the answer to the question from a reader about how to deal with impatience and irritability. Last week I exposed the fact that sometimes you think you are impatient and you are not. If you missed this reversal of reality holistic psychology information please read it here: Mental Health Relationship Advice.

Ok, I was just impatient and irritable. For real. Right this moment, before I sat down to write.

I had to bleach clothes that had e coli on them in the washing machine. As a highly sensitive person, I hate bleach, it burns my eyes. Even wearing a pair of yellow rubber gloves I was concerned I could get the toxic chemicals on my shirt or pants. But I was being very, very careful.

After diluting the bleach in the water so it would not totally ruin my clothes, some of the e coli clothes I put in floated up to the top of the water. While pushing the yucky clothes back down into the bleached water, some of the heavily bleached water in the machine got on my right sleeve and dripped down into my right glove. Yee, gads!

Rushing up my steep Center City basement stairs to wash off the bleach, I tripped at the top of the stairs. Back on my feet, I reached the kitchen sink. Pulling at the right glove, to get it off as fast as I could, it would not come off. Yanking at it, pulling and pulling with all my might, I could not get the glove off my hand.

My hand was stuck in the glove with bleach inside and outside of it. This is the moment it happened. Never having gotten my hand stuck in a very, very tight yellow rubber glove before I did not know what to do. My eyes were burning, my hand began to burn due to a cut on my finger. I was trapped. I experienced helplessness.

So, the conditions for impatience, frustration, and irritability are:

1. Something does not go right or turn out like it is suppose to. Your expectations of the outcome are not the results.
2. Your actions to change the results and make them do as you want do not work. You are not being effective.

There you have it. When these conditions exist, you are ripe for getting impatient.

So, you need to notice and admit to yourself that you are impatient. It is you and you alone. No one else is to blame.  If you are blaming someone else for your impatient energy, stop blaming them or any other outside factors. You are the one with the impatient energy and that is that!

Notice your body and how tight it is. What do you feel? What are you experiencing? Notice your thoughts and how fast they are moving and what they are saying to you. Do you want to make any sounds?

I growl, “Erg, Erg, Erg,” clinch my teeth and experience being overwhelmed. My racing thoughts are attacking me, making me wrong, rushing me to do something different and complaining about the results I am getting.

Oops! Sorry, this answer is now too long so you must wait until next week to get the solutions to being impatient and irritable! If you feel impatient as a result, please notice.

Do take note this week of when you are impatient and the factors that make you irritable. Awareness is the first step toward positive change.

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TAME YOUR THOUGHTS! Stop your thoughts from pushing you around. Racing, attacking thoughts make you impatient. Feel calmer and more relaxed by taming your thoughts. One-hour audio, $29.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/tameyourthoughts.html

ALREADY OWN TAME YOUR THOUGHTS?  Use this coupon worth $30.00 on your next order worth $97.00 or more, LIFE! Must order before December 15.

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STAND UP TO YOUR INNER CRITIC: You need your Inner Critic to help you stay in touch with reality. However, you must stand up to your Inner Critic when it is irrational and nasty. Learn how to use writing to de-fang yours. “De-fang Your Inner Critic to Find Your Voice,” Best selling author, Emily Hanlon joins me to teach you how to handle your creativity and nasty inner voice. One-hour audio, $29.97.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emily.html

WINTER BONUS: Order one of the above personal growth audio before Monday, Dec.15 and receive the other one for free if you mention The Vibrant Moment in the check out box when you place your order.

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LEARN TO READ ENERGY AND BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class, “Say Goodbye to Being Fooled” to improve your self-esteem and effectiveness in relationships. Starts in mid-January 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Email me and let me know you are interested. One-hour class weekly, one-hour peer coaching weekly, $300.00. Contact information at drjeanette.com
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Relationship Advice: Learn to Read Energy and Look Deeper into Your Heart

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Look Deeper.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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I received a question this week from a reader about how to deal with impatience and irritability.

How often do you get impatient? And with whom?
How often to you get irritable? And with whom?

It is always helpful to notice the energy of what you are experiencing first before you take action steps to change the energy. Using energy as a feedback tool is what sets the New Psychology apart from all the other psychological approaches. If you want to know more about who you are and what you are experiencing you must become more aware of your energy.

Are you really impatient or do you just think you are impatient?

Sometimes, the sneaky ego tells you that you are impatient and you are not. I notice this quite often with my clients. For example, this is what I hear, “Please, help me today with my meanness. I was so impatient with my mother this week.”

Because I read energy, even on the phone, I immediately distrusted my clients view of herself being “mean.” My client is highly sensitive, so, I asked her to tell me more details about what happened and what she did that was so unkind to her mother.

Sure enough, after I heard the whole story, it was clear she had not been impatient and mean with her mother. She was reserving reality. Her mother had been insensitive to her.

It is conceivable that you have the same misperception about your behavior. Perhaps you do not really feel impatient but think that you do. Maybe you are not behaving in an irritable way with people. Instead of impatience, you may feel resentment, anger, fear, or hurt.

Maybe something really important is going on underneath the energy you call impatience. Perchance your irritability is a sign you are not taking care of yourself. Could it be you need to be more assertive?

So, the first thing you need to do is notice the energy of what you are experiencing. It is mental or physical? Or emotional? Is it too fast, too slow? Is it weak, strong? Dark or light? Notice the weight, color, and texture. Are you in your ego or in your heart?

Learning to read energy is an essential skill for a holistic psychologist, therapist, coach, parent, and successful person. Ok, you are paying attention to your energy. Now what?

Next, you must look underneath the surface energy. Look deep into your heart. You want to see, hear, smell, taste, feel what is going on with your emotional self. You do not want to accept what your head and brain tell you without getting the concrete data you need to know your truth.

You want to feel the authentic energy directly so you know what is really going on inside of you. You could be upset about something that is really occurring. What if you became aware of an unhealthy relationship dynamic that you need to do something about?

That was the case with my client who thought she was mean to her mother. Underneath her perception that she was being mean to her mother was a mother who was judgmental toward her daughter’s new, healthy, assertive behaviors.

When you look under the surface you find your inner truths. Also, you learn how you are defined, controlled, confused, and manipulated by others. Most people and parents do not consciously define, control, confuse, and manipulate you. They are just passing on what they learned from their parents.

Nevertheless, it certainly empowers you if you know you are letting others define, control, confuse, and manipulate you! Then, you can learn to be assertive which results in healthier relationships and increased self-confidence. Next week, I will talk more about how to deal with impatience if you are really being impatient.

Here is a big hug to you for reading The Vibrant Moment. Please share your free holistic psychology newsletter with friends and family interested in being more aware, healthy, and happy: http://www.drjeanette.com

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LEARN TO READ ENERGY AND BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class, “Say Goodbye to Being Fooled” to improve your self-esteem and effectiveness in relationships. Starts in mid-January 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Email me and let me know you are interested. One-hour class weekly, one-hour peer coaching weekly, $300.00.

Call me at 215-732-6197.

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