How to Stop Judging Yourself and Others for Better Mental Health


The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Care and Change.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Dr. Doris Jeanette, Body-Emotions-Energy Teacher

Here is an excellent holistic psychology question I got this week
from a client. She asks, “How do I stop hating myself— as in judging
myself —when I make a mess and so many mistakes over and over again.
I can’t stand it.”

This client is learning how to be responsible for all her behaviors,
thoughts and feelings without being mean to herself. Being
responsible for yourself without judging yourself is what I call the
“First Trick in Transformation.” When you master this, you move to
the wonderful place on planet earth beyond judgment. This is the
place the poet Rumi loved to write about.

When my client makes a mess, she apologizes and thinks that is all
she has to do. However, the messes continue and add up over time
because she is not learning how to be a more responsible person with
the people in her life. She is still avoiding, instead of owning and
facing her mess. You know you are still being defensive if you cannot
admit and talk about the mistakes you make with ease again and again
over time. No buttons or triggers will be there when you are
emotionally secure.

Like most people in the world, my client does not want to be
responsible because if she admits she made a mess, her Inner Critic
beats her to death, just like the flagellation that was used for
punishment by the Romans. In 2023, you may not be physically
punishing yourself but you sure are beating yourself up creating as
much emotional and physical pain as if you were!

Sometimes, my client wants to kill herself to escape this pain. The
racing, mean, nasty thoughts hitting her emotional self makes her
want to run away and hide. If these thoughts are often enough,
terrible enough, people do kill themselves, as the brilliant author
Virginia Woolf did by putting rocks in her pockets and walking into
the Ouse river behind her home.

Therefore, learning how to stand up to your Inner Critic is essential
for personal growth. The lower brain needs to unlearn this nasty behavior
from the Middle Ages of attacking ourselves when we make a mess.
Making a mess and making mistakes are part of the natural process of
transformation that occurs when we self-actualize and become our true

When you make a mess you must clean it up. If you are not making a
mess, then you are not becoming a better person, you are stuck in
your ego. This means you want to make a mess, be responsible for your
mess, be compassionate toward yourself and stop making the same mess
over and over again. In other words, CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR! Anxiety is
usually the reason you make a mess in the fist place, so learn to
reduce your anxiety, be responsible and make better choices.

The fastest way I know to be successful learning how to stop whipping
yourself, is to FEEL how much you are hurting your little girl when you
attack her and make her bad and wrong. Feeling solves the problem for
me. Once I feel how much I am hurting myself or someone else, I
immediately want to stop being insensitive, mean or heartless.

My open heart cares and quickly stops the abuse. If you know of a
faster way to do this, please share it with me and our readers.
Caring is the result of opening your heart and solar plexus. Open
your heart to help yourself and humanity move forward.


OPEN YOUR SOLAR PLEXUS: Learn to tell the difference between your
true self and ego in the first hour of the Opening the Heart audio
series called “Feelings: The challenge of our species.” Practice
sensing your colorful vibrations as you receive guidance on how to
recognize your rigid ego energy. You are empowered as soon as you
accept your true self. Three hours of audio on feelings, fear and hurt,
recorded in a sound studio so my voice delivers healing, calming
vibrations to resonate with over and over again for better mental
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Read more and order:

The three-hour Opening the Heart audio is included in the home study
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Read more and order:

If you enjoy The Vibrant Moment, please forward it to friends and
colleagues. It comes to you from Dr. Doris Jeanette, with over
forty-five years of experience teaching people how to read and use
energy to unlock and use their human potential. Sign up at:

Doris Jeanette, Psy.D.
503 S. 21 St.
Philadelphia, PA 19146

Mentor and author of Opening the Heart