Category Archives: holistic psychology

How to Feel Happy and Say Wow More Often

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Experience Wow Often.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
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When was the last time you said, “Wow!” out loud?
When was the last time someone else said, “Wow!” to you?

This is the first thing one of my current clients has been saying for the last few months when we connect on the phone. “Wow!” Her life is certainly not boring, mundane, or ordinary. What about yours?

The Vibrant Moment exists to make sure your life is not boring, mundane, or ordinary. When you are here on planet earth you have the opportunity to have lots of exciting adventures. Sometimes reality is hard and difficult but if you stay in your natural flow, you become stronger and wiser after the hard times.

Regular readers know my mother passed away last winter after about a year of sickness. I mention my life experiences from time to time to help you see how real people live in the flow. While staying in the hard times is difficult when you are grieving or in pain, know that when you get out of the hard times you will experience joy again.

After my exciting, loving, body awareness Nature Workshop this past weekend, I have been walking around my house rubbing my hands together because I am so excited. “Wow!” pops out of my mouth every few minutes. My energy has returned! I finally have some pep!

Awareness is such that you do not notice you are missing something until you get it. I knew I did not have much energy, grieving was using it all up. However, I did not know how ungrounded I was. I was trusting I would move through my grief and get my energy back. And … that is just what happened.

After working in the forest this week-end with a group of caring, open people, my legs are back to sturdy and strong. I have not felt this strong since I rushed to NC to be with my sick mother a year and a half ago. Honestly, the power I feel in my legs may be greater than before.

For sure, my joyful energy has returned and I feel good all over. Of course, my grieving is not over, but this difficult passage in my life has turned a corner. Now I am enjoying the benefits of transformation that come with grieving the loss of a loved one. More of me is present and available for healthy living and vibrant moments.

For you, stay with yourself wherever you are and trust your natural process. If you are in hard times, you will be back to experiencing “Wow!” soon. Just let go of trying to control anything or anyone and more of you will soon be present and available.

Keep the faith. Get grounded and enjoy the moment — whatever it is.

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GET GROUNDED: If you want me to do a Nature Workshop in your area contact me. Perhaps we can make it happen. Your legs can feel stronger and more sturdy. If there is a location you will travel to such as Hawaii let me know.

Read about Nature Workshops:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

Contact information at drjeanette.com

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GROUNDING AT HOME: Take the home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally to get your mental energy grounded so you stop being anxious. Extremely effective. If you do the body exercises, you get results. Ten written lessons, five hours of audio, including the emotional health audio guide, Opening the Heart worth $97.00. Course is tax deductible for holistic health professionals as continuing education. Buy the entire home study course for $199.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

Order before November 1 and get a free audio worth $29.97 of your choice at: http://www.drjeanette.com/cds.html

Must mention The Vibrant Moment to get bonus in the check out box.

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How to Know When You are Grounded and Relaxed

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Get Grounded.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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I often mention how important it is for you to be grounded. This is because being ungrounded for you, a human energy system, has the same unpleasant consequences that your light switch suffers when it is ungrounded.

You could burn down your house if your electrical box did not have a safety value to completely shut off the electrical current when the wires get overloaded. Apply the same principles to you, your body, and nervous system.

Just like a teenager who is out of control and desperately needs his parents to ground him until he comes back into balance, you need to keep an eye on yourself. The results of not being grounded are self-destructive. For example, when you are ungrounded, you are anxious, manic, irrational, and accident-prone.

Do you know when you are ungrounded? Here is a list of factors to help you know if you are grounded or not.

If you are grounded you:
Are aware of your body as a solid mass.
Feel energy in your feet.
Are aware of the bottom of your feet connecting to gravity.
You are not moving too fast or too slow.
Are aware of your physical surroundings.
Notice how you are relating to yourself and others.
Are relaxed and present, ready to response appropriately.

The first factor is the most important one. If you are not aware of your body, there is a high probability that you are not grounded. Without body awareness you are in some mental state that is defensive, weak, and unreliable.

Your holistic and mental health are determined by the degree to which you are grounded. Psychologists, coaches, social workers, and therapists, need to get grounded so they can teach you how get grounded and stay grounded.

I was just in Yellowstone National Park enjoying the bears and the signs that said, “Be Bear Aware.” Inspired, I leave you with a strong reminder: “Be Body Aware!”

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GET GROUNDED: Mother Nature grounds you and protects you from irrational thoughts. Let me teach you how to get grounded and stay grounded. Relax and express yourself in a small group of interesting people at a Nature Workshop. Near NYC and Philadelphia. Come for the day or spend the colorful fall weekend in New Hope, PA. October 24, 11:00-5:00, $200.00, five openings left.

Read more and sign up:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

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GROUNDING AT HOME: Take the home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally to get your mental energy grounded so you stop being anxious. Extremely effective. If you do the body exercises, you get results. 10 written lessons, five hours of audio, including the emotional health audio guide, Opening the Heart worth $97.00. Course is tax deductible for professionals as continuing education. Buy the entire home study course for $199.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

=====================

How to Become More Sensitive and Self-confident

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Explore Reality.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Recently a family member asked, “What is the difference between imagining something and perceiving something that is really there but others do not perceive?”

I have often asked myself this question as well as energy teachers and experts. The answer is not always clear. The major reason research with energy is hard to do and hard to repeat is because energy changes so quickly and so fast.

Quantum physics proved many years ago that once consciousness looks at something, consciousness, itself, influences the results. So, it is impossible to remove you, the consciousness, that is studying the phenomenon, from reality. Since you cannot remove yourself you need to get to know yourself and how you affect your surroundings.

When you use your powerful imagination, you are the source. You create an image and use it to advance your personal growth, write a book, improve a talent, or increase your success. As a holistic psychologist I know you can also use your imagination to create mental illness, emotional distress, anxiety, and failure. Your imagination is a powerful tool that you use for or against yourself.

Being able to perceive something that is really there, but many people do not tune into, is an entirely different experience. You can learn to feel the difference. You cannot think the difference because it is your thoughts that effect and try to control matter.

For example, some dogs, after training, smell cancer with over a 92% success rate. Can you? Cancer is really there but maybe you cannot currently perceive it. However, some humans see cancer, others feel it, and some smell it. Certain humans, such as medical intuitives, are as accurate as dogs in perceiving cancer because they have developed their abilities to feel and know.

When you are learning to smell something that is really there but you cannot smell, it helps to have an experienced teacher. The teacher validates what you experience or corrects your misperception. This is similar to the way dogs learn to smell cancer when they are being trained. Currently, this is the most reliable way to learn to perceive something that is really there but it is slightly out of your perception.

When you do not have access to a teacher, you can say to yourself, “This may be true and it may not be true. Let me see if I am fearful or anxious.” Anxiety or fear always interfere with accurate perceptions. If you are not afraid or anxious, there is a higher probability that you are correct.

It may also help to remember your science class in school where you learned about the JND. The Just Noticeable Difference is “the difference between two stimuli that (under properly controlled experimental conditions) is detected as often as it is undetected.” The Just Noticeable Difference is different in everyone and it can change. I often tout the advantages of being a Highly Sensitive Person because you have a higher JND when it comes to toxins and disease.

When you perceive something that is really there, as opposed to imaging something that is really there, you are able to validate your experience with outside physical or metaphysical data. However, the data may not be immediately available. It may take time, research, and repeated experiments to see if what you perceive is OUTSIDE of your imagination and if it has a presence of its own.

I use energy and nature to help identify the truth. Whether the perception is my own, or someone else, I give it the energy test. The energy of “bullshit” is lightweight, jerky, dark, flimsy, unreliable, and weak. “Bullshit” is flat being one- dimensional. Flat is also the energy of your ego, which is learned.

In contrast, the energy of truth is sturdy, steady, solid, reliable, and strong. The truth is three-dimensional existing in space so it feels very different from flat. The truth is holistic; it is like your authentic self as opposed to your ego. Truth is of nature and is here to stay.

You have the ability to learn to perceive many more helpful and exciting aspects of reality. Amp up or get started in developing your skills so you expand your awareness of the valuable information inside of you and outside of you. Look inward and outward for that which is real, steady, solid, and flowing like nature.

Always notice if you are part of the whole or in mental delusion.

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TRUST THE LAWS OF NATURE: Mother Nature validates your correct perceptions and reveals the truths that benefit you. Have fun playing with a group of interesting people at a Nature Workshop. Learn how to get grounded and keep your energy moving in healthy life affirming ways. Near NYC and Philadelphia. Come for the day or spend the colorful fall weekend in New Hope, PA. October 24, 11:00-5:00, $200.00, five openings left.

Read more and sign up:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

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HIGHLY SENSITIVE? Stop doubting yourself so you can use your highly sensitive nature for abundance, happiness, and health. Learn to trust and love your sensitive self. Read the “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person.” These steps show you how to accept, develop, and use your sensitive nature to your advantage. 31-page PDF file, $19.97.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/HSP2.html

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Holistic Health Advice: Rest to Get Healthy Energy

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Rest
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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How often to you let yourself rest and do nothing?

One of my students at The International Women’s Writing Guild at Skidmore College once gave me a flyer that said:

“How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.”
Spanish proverb

This wonderful reminder about a civilized way to live life was a permanent fixture on my refrigerator for years. My quest for happiness, real love and abundance was more sympathetic to this Spanish proverb than the Puritan Ethics, which I was indoctrinated in.

Unfortunately, the Puritan Ethics mentality still dominates the white culture in North America. Nevertheless, resting is essential in terms of your mental health, physical health, mental acuity, and peak performance. The reason resting is essential is because your available energy operates on the second law of thermodynamics.

The second law of thermodynamics affirmed that there is no such thing as a perpetual motion machine or a perpetual human being. You cannot keep going and going without stopping to replenish your energy. If you do keep going you deplete, burn up, and use up your energy source.

When you use up your energy source you become sick and ineffective. So, get with the laws of nature and rest. Rest is one of the major ways you can replenish your energy. When you rest you receive more energy so you can get up and go again.

Resting in nature is even more effective, than resting surround by concrete. Rest in nature.

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REST IN NATURE: Mother Nature replenishes your energy when you stop and relax. Have fun playing with a group of sensitive people at a Nature Workshop. Learn how to get grounded and keep your energy moving. Near NYC and Philadelphia. Come for the day or spend the fall weekend in New Hope, PA. October 24, 11:00-5:00, $200.00, five openings left.

Read more and sign up:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

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How to Use Your Intuition by Slowing Down

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Use Your Intuition.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

==================

Last week I gave you a working definition of intuition and explained the importance of tuning out anxiety so you can tune into your clear, intuitive voice. Read it here if you missed it: https://thevibrantmoment.com/?p=1593

A famous psychologist, Milton Erickson and his wife had an effective way of finding lost objects such as their keys. They sat down and tuned into their intuition to discover where their body put the keys. After all, your body knows where you put the keys even if your brain does not remember.

Really get what this means. Yes, your body knows and you cannot remember. Your body knows. This is the reason all my products, courses, and workshops help you get into your body and live in your body. Feeling your body is the only way to access the valuable information that your body knows that you do not.

The benefits of developing your intuition and using it in your daily life are endless. Credit card companies have a category called lost in the house. Sometimes I have been successful finding my credit card with the Ericksons’ approach so I do not have to call the lost in the house department. Just imagine how helpful it would be if you were able to know, instead of deduct, reality.

Would you like to improve your holistic health? Some medical intuitives are as accurate as an MRI. In addition, medical intuitives can see problems in areas where no medical test currently exists. Your body knows what is going on, within and without, its borders. Don’t think for a minute that it does not!

What kind of relationship do you have with your body? Your body does not lie, confuse you, or manipulate you. You can learn how to hear what your body is saying. Your body knows you much better than any outside person or test. My body even remembers where I put my credit card when I do not! What is there not to love, trust, and use?

The bottom-line is you have probably already used your intuition much more than you admit to yourself. Consider those wonderful moments when everything seems to go your way. The parking space that you need is there. The door opens and you walk through with ease.

Yes, your intuition gives you what you desire. So, sit down and give your intuition more conscious attention. The next time you lose something, take it for a test drive. However, do not expect your intuition to be perfect anymore than any other way of knowing. You are human.

Do not let your mistakes and imperfections stop you from learning how to develop and trust the information you receive. Just know that the answer you receive may or may not be truth. Let the information move and do not try to control reality.

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USE YOUR INTUITIVE SELF: Safe in the arms of Mother Nature it is easier to access and use your intuitive self. Especially if you have a guide gently showing you how to move past your anxiety so you hear the clear tones inside of you. Have fun playing with your intuitive self at a Nature Workshop with a small group of intuition seekers. Near NYC and Philadelphia. Come for the day or spend the fall weekend in New Hope, PA. October 24, 11:00-5:00, $200.00, five openings left.

Read more and sign up:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

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ACCESS YOUR BODY WISDOM: Your body knows what you do not. Listen to what your body is screaming at you. Then give it what it needs for better holistic health. Order “Hear Your Body Talking,” a one-hour tele-seminar to improve your respect, love, and understanding of your body. Then access and use your body wisdom. $29.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order “Hear Your Body Talking”:
http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

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How to Develop Your Intuition by Tuning Out Static

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Develop Your Intuition.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==================

A reader asks, “How do I fully develop my intuition?”

You may have some idea about what intuition is, but do you really understand it? Let’s define intuition so we know the what, when, where, and how we are talking about.

Some people call intuition “Woo-woo,” magic, or nonsense. Many people think the intuitive self is far inferior to rational thought and brain processing. Currently, we live in the worship-the-brain-above-all-else times. Maybe the times they are a changing?

Some define intuition as an instinct, others say it is a gut feeling. All seem to agree that intuition is knowledge obtained without thinking. Knowing without reason. Facts revealed without conscious thought. No deduction or beliefs involved.

For intuition, you must bypass your brain and go straight to the heart of it. Or the gut of it! This is an important fact to keep in mind when developing your intuition. Your intuitive self lives in your body.

I do not put intuition into the same category as an instinct. Instincts seem more like hardwire. Instincts are reliable, dependable, and you trust them if you want to survive and flourish. Instincts are automatic and obvious unless you work hard to inhibit them. Which some people do, and the result is mental illness and a lack of holistic health.

At this point in our evolution, our intuition is more like software in beta. You have to stop, turn it on, and see if it works. In reality, your intuition is probably “on” all the time, but the volume is so subtle you can easily miss the energy and ignore it. Then when you finally do hear, feel, sense something, the information is fuzzy.

Alas, the information you get may or may not be true. What a mess! Where is this radio station anyway? Do you agree it is not an instinct? However, I predict intuition will become instinctive as we learn to develop and trust the what, where, when, and how of what we are doing.

Ok, so you stop, turn on your intuition and try to get it to work properly. But nothing happens. You don’t get anything you trust. What are you tuning into? Could it be your anxiety and fear? Yes, anxiety interferes and gives you the “wrong” answer. Or, no answer. This happens often in the beginning.

You cannot be intuitive if you are anxious. You may not know you are anxious, but you are. Tension in the body blocks the reception of subtle information. You must remove the irrational anxiety in your body to access your intuitive self. Anxiety is static.

The sound of static on the radio makes it impossible to hear the music and conversation. You must remove your inner static in order to hear your intuitive self speaking. You cannot receive the answers that are always there and always available with static in your nervous system. You tune into your static instead of your intuition.

So, the first thing you must do is calm your nervous system, relax your muscles, and reduce your anxiety. Only then can you hear your inner voice, the same divine voice that Socrates, called daimonion.

Your instinctive self is an extremely valuable resource. So, I will continue spelling out the benefits and development of your intuition next week.

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MEET YOUR INTUITIVE SELF: In the arms of Mother Nature it is easier to find your intuitive self. Especially if you have a guide gently showing you how to move pass your static so you hear the clear tones inside of you. Have fun meeting your intuitive self at a Nature Workshop with a small group of intuition seekers. Near NYC and Philadelphia. Spend the lovely fall weekend in New Hope, PA. October 24, 11:00-5:00, $200.00, six openings left.

Read more and sign up:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

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GET RID OF STATIC: The only way to get rid of anxiety is to start to live in your body with effective body exercises. Thinking positive thoughts keeps you thinking. You must stop thinking and start feeling your body. The home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally has what you need–it is full of body exercises. When used, removal of static is the result. Without anxiety in the way you become more intuitive as well as more loving. Yum, more vibrant moments. Ten written lessons and five hours of audio, including the Opening the Heart audio series. $199.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

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How to Heal Buttons and Stop Being Reactive

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Heal Buttons.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==================

A reader asks, “How do I channel my sensitive side in a positive way through the divorce. I still have to live with my narcissist husband and he pushes all my buttons.”

Ah, those buttons! Everyone has buttons that get pushed in relationships. Buttons are helpful, red flags that tell you something inside of you has not been healed, and desperately needs to be healed. Buttons are gaping emotional wounds.

You do not have to be a highly sensitive person to have buttons and to have them trigged by someone’s comment or behavior. However, if you are a highly sensitive person you may over react more often and be more defensive when someone touches your wounds. This is because you feel the emotional pain more intensely.

This is not a disadvantage. I used to wish I was not so sensitive. This was before I knew the advantages of feeling so much, so deeply. When you feel what is really going on inside of you, and outside of you, you have the potential to develop exquisite empathy and solid self-confidence.

If you learn the difference between thoughts and feelings, you can trust what you feel in your body. Instead of thinking or believing in false beliefs, you can stand in physical reality. Deducting or pretending about reality does not make you more self-confident; it makes you weaker, like your narcissistic husband.

Consider your strengths. A highly sensitive person feels internal and external anxiety. Many people bind their anxiety by staying busy or denying their leg that is physically jumping up and down! Anxiety is in their leg, making it jump up and down, yet, they do not feel anxious or know they are anxious. This means their anxious leg is out of control and out of their awareness.

Being out of touch with your leg jumping up and down is not helpful. The results of having this much anxiety in your body have major consequences. There is a high probability that you will suffer from poor mental, emotional, and physical health. So be grateful you experience your anxiety and discomfort. This is far better than your unconscious husband who thinks you have all the problems.

Be glad you know you have buttons. Thank the person who pushes them. When buttons are pushed you have the chance to unlearn your ineffective habit of reacting and being defensive. Instead, you can learn to feel what you really feel.

When your husband says, “You are too sensitive, why does that bother you.” Instead of defending against how you feel, feel it. Feel stupid, dumb, scared, inferior, dirty, selfish, guilty or whatever. If you want to be strong and improve your self esteem, your job is to feel what you feel.

Feel stupid, and at the same time, support yourself emotionally. Stay with your sensitive self and do not call her stupid. Protect your emotional self from any outside judgment with genuine self-acceptance.

Soon you will be noticing the other person’s anxious body language and irrational behavior and feel grateful you are standing in reality instead of losing touch with your body.

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READ BODY LANGUAGE: Feel in your body the difference between thoughts and feelings. Get practice standing in reality and feeling solid self-esteem. Become more aware of what you really feel and begin to trust what you feel. Learn about body language in the forest near New Hope, PA, Oct 24. Your personal requests are addressed. Join me and a small group of men and women. $200.00 all-day workshop. Six spots left.

Read more and sign up at:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

 

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GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE? Divorce is hard and painful. There are ways to take care of yourself and your buttons through a breakup or divorce that make it easier on you. If you take these seven steps you become stronger instead of weaker. Learn the “7 Steps to Becoming Stronger After a Divorce or Break Up.” 13 pages; $9.97; PDF (Adobe Acrobat Reader) format.

Read more and order “7 Steps to Becoming Stronger After a Divorce or Break Up:”
http://www.drjeanette.com/divorcebreakupreport.html

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HIGHLY SENSITIVE? Learn to trust and love your sensitive self. Stop others from causing you to doubt yourself. Learn the “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person.” Accept, develop, and use your sensitive nature to your advantage. 31-page PDF file, $19.97.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/HSP2.html

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How to Adjust During Major Life Changes by Letting Go

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Follow Dr. Doris Jeanette on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DorisJeanette

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbHSteer your boat like a captain.

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Adjust and Rearrange.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
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How do you handle change?

Regular readers of The Vibrant Moment know my mother’s health was failing last year and she passed away January 25, 2015. Suddenly, everything was harder and nothing was the same. A few weeks ago I began to notice joy was bubbling up inside of me for the first time since her passing.

I knew immediately because I spontaneously started to dance when I heard some groovy music while hanging out with some friends in an outside bar on a beautiful day. This is one of the advantages of being in Center City, Philadelphia — there are plenty of interesting playmates, events, and venues.

While I enjoyed the moments of joy when they were happening, the next night I fell back into deep sorrow. Major changes in life, such as having a new baby, losing a job, parent, or partner, create major shifts in your energy and emotions. These external stress factors need to be properly acknowledged so you give yourself more room to be and more time to learn how to handle the new ways you must learn to live your life.

Change is inevitable. We cannot stop the stock market from crashing or the loss of loved ones. Neither can you stop the way change makes you feel. You feel vulnerable, scared, and sad. However, there is an amazing advantage you possess if you go with your own unique energy flow instead of pushing or pulling against the reality of your life.

If you go with your natural energy flow, instead of against it, your boat ride is smoother through all stressful life events. Honoring your natural process also ensures that you have the energy needed to handle the realities of your new life. Grief and change require a lot of energy.

For example, if you try to push your river, instead of going with your flow, you get anxious and use up your energy quickly. You burn out. If you hold back and try to stop the river, you become depressed. Depression is inert energy at its best. You get stuck and go nowhere!

So, how do you go with your flow? To go with your unique energy flow you have to know what your energy is doing and not doing in the moment. Are you moving too fast or too slow? Can you tell when you are moving in the flow of the river of your life and all is as it was meant to be? This you need to sense and feel.

Sometimes your river is slow and hardly moves. Sometimes your life rushes through sharp rocks and falls over a cliff. This means you must pay attention to your energy and then make adjustments. Yes, you must change so you do not fall out of the boat! You have to be flexible and rearrange yourself along the way.

You must change by letting go of control and flowing. It is up to you to consciously steer your boat through your life. You are master of the river if you take care of yourself everyday as you move through your external rapids and pay attention to your internal needs and stormy emotions.

The day after my deep sorrow, I was swimming in my beautiful blue pool with the glee of a four year old and the pleasure of an older woman enjoying another vibrant moment.

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LEARN HOW YOUR ENERGY FEELS: Feel in your body what your own unique energy flow feels like. Learn how to know when you are moving too fast or too slow. Relax and feel safe enough to let go of control so you get grounded and know you are really, really safe. Join me and a small group of women and men seeking peak experiences and more vibrant moments in the forest near New Hope, PA, Oct 24. Your personal requests are addressed — you get what you need and want. $200.00 all-day workshop.

Read more and sign up at:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

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GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE? Divorce is hard and painful. There are ways to take care of yourself through a breakup or divorce that make it easier on you. You become stronger instead of weaker, you open your heart, instead of closing it. Take action on the “7 Steps to Becoming Stronger After a Divorce or Break Up.” 13 pages; $9.97; PDF (Adobe Acrobat Reader) format.

Read more and order “7 Steps to Becoming Stronger After a Divorce or Break Up:”
http://www.drjeanette.com/divorcebreakupreport.html

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TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Being assertive is a powerful, effective, and the fast way to improve your self-esteem. If you have not had an Assertiveness Training course in a few years it is time for a refresher course. If you have never had one, it is time for to learn how to be strong and effective. Order “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” forty—seven-page manual with six weeks of lessons PLUS more than six hours of real life coaching audio. $149.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order: “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.”
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

Order the home study course “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence,” by Sunday, September 6 and receive the “Hear Your Body Talking audio worth $29.97 for fr.e.e. Must mention The Vibrant Moment to get bonus. http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

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How to Know When You are Defensive

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Give Up Defensive Energy.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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A reader asks, “Show an example of authentic defensiveness (validly
taking care of yourself) and whatever ‘being defensive’ is … people
always make it sound nasty and shameful. It’s dismissive, as it’s
often used in the vernacular. ‘Oh, you’re just being defensive. I
don’t have to pay attention to what you’re saying.’ In other words, a
power play, to create helplessness.”

I was walking through Rittenhouse Park on the way to buy groceries
when I caught myself in the act of being defensive for the first
time. I was replaying a conversation over and over again in my head
between me and my traditional talk therapist. She said, “You are … I
honestly cannot remember what she said at this point about me. My
response was, “This is NOT TRUE about me. No, way. I am not …”
whatever it was she said.

In my head I was defending myself. Making up reasons to prove that
what she said was not true. Creating excuses about the reason I do
this and that and the other. This mental energy of denying and
rejecting what my therapist said is an excellent example of defensive
energy.

My new psychological awareness was in the early 1980s and I did not
know about body language and energy flow. I did know about defense
mechanisms. Thank Freud for discovering that humans create defense
mechanisms to defend themselves against a perceived attack. I felt
threatened by the observation and feedback that I was getting from my
therapist.

You defend yourself when you feel criticized or attacked. The person
giving you the feedback may or may not be attacking you. Usually,
they are not. They are telling you their truth and you do not like
it. You do not like it because it makes you uncomfortable and
anxious. You do not like it because it threatens your ego, your image
of yourself.

An example of assertive behavior, which would be authentic
defensiveness, would be to receive what my therapist said and explore
her feedback to see how much of it was true. I am sure all of it was
true. She was not being critical of me, she was trying to help me
become more conscious and aware.

You may think your family and friends are making you wrong or bad.
However, most of the time they are being honest with you and they are
not attacking you. Once in a while a family member may be judging you
and making you wrong and bad. In this case you need to say to
yourself, “So what? Maybe she is or is not making me wrong or bad. So
what?”

When you say “So what?” to yourself, this helps you immediately give
up your defensive response. The goal is to be assertive and not
defensive. An assertive response is one that supports you
emotionally. If you are assertive you are honest with yourself about
what you feel. You do not reject how you feel.

You experience your helplessness if that is what you feel. Feeling
helplessness is a step closer to becoming stronger and more secure.
No one is making you helpless, you feel helpless. Feeling helpless
goes back to early childhood learning when you really were helpless.

When you feel helpless, now as an adult, you need to connect in a
loving way with the part of you who feels helpless. Your helplessness
is not going to go away until you do something to help it go away.
Your job is to protect the part of you that feels helpless and keep
her safe and secure.

Defending yourself against helplessness does not empower you. Feeling
your helplessness and making sure the helpless part of you gets the
practical assistance she needs from your authentic adult self empowers
you. If you provide what is needed to your emotional self, you will be
stronger and more secure the next time you get feedback.

You will be able to receive feedback and consider it without
rejecting it or turning it against yourself. Once you get rid of your
inner, learned, mental judgments against yourself, another person’s
judgment does not destroy you. Outside judgments do not feel good,
but if you do not agree with the judgment, it does not hurt your
heart.

The reason an outside attack does not hurt your heart is because you
are protecting and loving your little girl, and her feelings. She
does not feel helpless if you are taking care of her and protecting
her from internal and external attacks.

Never be afraid of feeling helpless or any other feeling. It is by
listening to your feelings that you know how to protect your
emotional self so that you become stronger and more secure. The
helpless part of you cannot take care of herself on her own. She
really is helpless, until you show up and do what is needed.

Is this clear? If not, ask another question.

=====================

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Being assertive is a powerful, effective, and
the fast way to improve your self-esteem. Parents and children need
to learn assertive communication skills that protect the inner child.
If you have not had an Assertiveness Training course in a few years
it is time for a refresher course. If you have never had one, it is
time for to learn how to be strong and effective. Order “Stop the
World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.”
forty—seven-page manual with six weeks of lessons PLUS more than six
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Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.”
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========================

PRACTICE BEING ASSERTIVE: Get the practical help you need to be more
assertive in real life. Have fun playing with color and sound. Get
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How to Get What You Want by Being Assertive

Posted on by

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Be Rational.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==================

You make a mistake.
Your partner does something you do not like.
Your son will not eat what you want him to eat.

What do you do? Do you become rigid and controlling, insisting he eat the way you want him to eat? Do you exaggerate the situation and make it worse than it is? Is this moment really that much of a tragedy?

We all overreact sometimes. It is wise to notice when you do. If you have been in effective therapy, you received outside feedback about your irrational, defensive behavior. You learned that being defensive is a waste of your time and energy. Even more importantly, you learned that irrational behavior does not get you what you want.

An irrational reaction is when you behave in a way that does not fit the reality of the situation. A defensive reaction is not an emotional reaction. Psychologists, researchers, and dictionaries often confuse the source of irrational reactions and tell you that you are being too emotional. Not true.

The source of an irrational reaction is a learned conditioned response. Reactions often feel like a knee jerk response that occurs so quickly you cannot be master over it. But is it? The figurative meaning of knee jerk comes from the physical patellar reflex discovered and named in the 1870s by Dr. William Richard Gowers. Your physical knee jerk response is necessary for good health. It is a reflex, not a conditioned response.

An irrational reaction to life situations is not a reflex and it is not good for your holistic health. When you are conditioned to respond irrationally to anything, you are trapped in a vicious circle of self-control. You are like the pigeons in the city parks that go round and round because they are conditioned to turn around because once they found food when they did.

Could it be that when you are not “in control,” you react irrationally? Yes, irrational reactions occur when you cannot cope with reality. You suddenly become dysfunctional, instead of breathing, dealing, and bending with what is really occurring. When you are irrational, you are not feeling your authentic emotions and you are not aware of your body.

Abruptly, you behave as if you were a monster, instead of a human being with choices and options. In this irrational moment, you are the one being controlled. Thus, you are weak and helpless. You are not free to choose an assertive, effective way to handle the situation.

Reactions are learned, which is a very good thing, because this means you can unlearn them. There is no reason you cannot break free from any conditioned response and become rational and emotionally secure. Rise above your conditioned reactions by feeling your emotions and body, instead of being afraid of them. Your body and heart help you stay safe and sane.

Being in touch with your emotions is what allows you to be assertive. You must know what you feel before you can be assertive. When you are assertive, you are rational and emotionally secure. You are standing tall on a solid foundation of integrity.

Being honest makes you an effective, loving parent, lover, and friend. Best of all, you get what you want.

=====================

GET WHAT YOU WANT: You deserve to get what you want and feel good about it. Being assertive is powerful, effective, and the fastest way to improve your self-esteem. Parents and children need to learn assertive communication skills that work. If you have not had an Assertiveness Training course in a few years it is time for a refresher course. If you have never had one, it is time for you to learn how to be strong and effective. Order “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” forty—seven-page manual with six weeks of lessons PLUS more than six hours of real life coaching audio. $149.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order: “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.”
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

Order the home study course “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence,” by Sunday, August 23 and receive the “Hear Your Body Talking audio worth $29.97 for fr.ee. Must mention The Vibrant Moment to get bonus. http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

========================

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