Category Archives: Relationship advice

How to Get What You Want by Being Assertive

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Be Rational.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
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You make a mistake.
Your partner does something you do not like.
Your son will not eat what you want him to eat.

What do you do? Do you become rigid and controlling, insisting he eat the way you want him to eat? Do you exaggerate the situation and make it worse than it is? Is this moment really that much of a tragedy?

We all overreact sometimes. It is wise to notice when you do. If you have been in effective therapy, you received outside feedback about your irrational, defensive behavior. You learned that being defensive is a waste of your time and energy. Even more importantly, you learned that irrational behavior does not get you what you want.

An irrational reaction is when you behave in a way that does not fit the reality of the situation. A defensive reaction is not an emotional reaction. Psychologists, researchers, and dictionaries often confuse the source of irrational reactions and tell you that you are being too emotional. Not true.

The source of an irrational reaction is a learned conditioned response. Reactions often feel like a knee jerk response that occurs so quickly you cannot be master over it. But is it? The figurative meaning of knee jerk comes from the physical patellar reflex discovered and named in the 1870s by Dr. William Richard Gowers. Your physical knee jerk response is necessary for good health. It is a reflex, not a conditioned response.

An irrational reaction to life situations is not a reflex and it is not good for your holistic health. When you are conditioned to respond irrationally to anything, you are trapped in a vicious circle of self-control. You are like the pigeons in the city parks that go round and round because they are conditioned to turn around because once they found food when they did.

Could it be that when you are not “in control,” you react irrationally? Yes, irrational reactions occur when you cannot cope with reality. You suddenly become dysfunctional, instead of breathing, dealing, and bending with what is really occurring. When you are irrational, you are not feeling your authentic emotions and you are not aware of your body.

Abruptly, you behave as if you were a monster, instead of a human being with choices and options. In this irrational moment, you are the one being controlled. Thus, you are weak and helpless. You are not free to choose an assertive, effective way to handle the situation.

Reactions are learned, which is a very good thing, because this means you can unlearn them. There is no reason you cannot break free from any conditioned response and become rational and emotionally secure. Rise above your conditioned reactions by feeling your emotions and body, instead of being afraid of them. Your body and heart help you stay safe and sane.

Being in touch with your emotions is what allows you to be assertive. You must know what you feel before you can be assertive. When you are assertive, you are rational and emotionally secure. You are standing tall on a solid foundation of integrity.

Being honest makes you an effective, loving parent, lover, and friend. Best of all, you get what you want.

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GET WHAT YOU WANT: You deserve to get what you want and feel good about it. Being assertive is powerful, effective, and the fastest way to improve your self-esteem. Parents and children need to learn assertive communication skills that work. If you have not had an Assertiveness Training course in a few years it is time for a refresher course. If you have never had one, it is time for you to learn how to be strong and effective. Order “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” forty—seven-page manual with six weeks of lessons PLUS more than six hours of real life coaching audio. $149.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order: “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.”
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

Order the home study course “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence,” by Sunday, August 23 and receive the “Hear Your Body Talking audio worth $29.97 for fr.ee. Must mention The Vibrant Moment to get bonus. http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

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STUDY GUIDE: Need to learn new things? If you or your child must study, learn how to use your mind and body for effective study habits and better results. Order “How to Study Guide: 7 Study Skills to Peak Performance, one hour tele seminar, $29.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order “How to Study Guide: 7 Study Skills to Peak Performance:
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How to Follow Your Heart and Find Peace

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Seek Peace.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==================

A reader asks, “What do I need to feel more at peace?”

A pause and a wonder.

That is a short answer arriving instantly from my intuitive poet. Let’s explore the holistic psychology dynamics of finding peace to see how close my little poetic phrase is to the longer version.

Peace is a state where all is well. You do not have to jump up and do something. You are ok and your world is ok. When you feel peace you are enough and your world is enough. You are in harmony with yourself and your surroundings. I love feeling peace, tis a delicious, deep, vibrant moment.

The opposite of peace is war, conflict, fighting, confusion, and distress. Conflict, fighting, confusion, and distress are caused by a brain that is never satisfied. A brain that finds fault with its world. A brain that does not allow you to experience reality. This never satisfied part of you is sure to make you unhappy and drive others away.

From your question I assume that you are in conflict. This means different parts of you are at war. The war may be hopelessly futile, meaning no one ever wins. Unfortunately, this is the conflict the brain often puts you in — a lose-lose situation. A lose-lose mental state is irrational. If you try to please the irrational part of you, you often feel crazy because it is impossible to please an irrational brain.

For example, the irrational brain loves to call you lazy. So, you jump up and try to please the brain so it does not call you lazy. After you do what the brain told you to do, the brain does not say, “Great job, that is wonderful. You are wonderful. You are enough.” Instead it says, “You didn’t finish the job, you didn’t do this enough or that enough. You didn’t do it the right way.”

Alas, you are still lazy or stupid or crazy or selfish. You always will be, and never can you get out of the irrational lose-lose situation your brain puts you in, until you get out of your brain. The pathway to peace is to exit the conflict you are in. Since there are no winners in this war, letting go of trying to please an irrational master is smart.

Instead, listen to your heart and follow your heart. Your heart is a wonderful master: loving and kind, gentle and strong. Let your heart lead the way and peace is what you find. You will also enjoy good mental health and enough time to play, make love, and have lots of vibrant moments. A compassionate heart is peaceful and patient.

To find your compassionate heart, you must open your heart. To open your heart go inside and take a look. There you may find your inner conflicts covering up your lovely heart. These are the conflicts you must heal, forgive, and transform in order to be at peace. There is no magic, you must do the personal growth needed to heal, forgive, and transform this dense energy out and away from you.

The secret is to find your emotional self who must be protected from the crazy lose-lose situation you are constantly putting her in. Only when you are safe from your judgment can you experience peace and harmony instead of conflict and disharmony.

There is sanity in the real world. The war between your brain and heart is real and one will win, every single time, every single moment of your day. Only one can be your master. You get to choose.

A pause and a wonder. Stop, feel, and be in awe of what you find, the precious one that is you.

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OPEN YOUR HEART: The benefits of opening your heart are peace, patience, kindness, love, and vibrant moments. Opening the Heart audio series is the guide to help you find your emotional self and learn how to keep her safe from your judgments. Your emotional self leads you to peace and your purpose in life. Three hours of relaxing, comforting audio to use again and again to help you do the personal growth needed to follow your heart. Order “Opening the Heart,” $97.00, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order Opening the Heart:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

Order before Sunday, August 2 and get the Opening the Heart Ebook, worth $19.97 for free. Must mention The Vibrant Moment to get bonus.

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ALREADY OWN OPENING THE HEART? Learn more about your sensitive self and how to trust your intuition and poet. Did you know that twenty percent of the population is highly sensitive? Another twenty percent is sensitive. This special report, “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person” addresses the concerns and psychological problems you may have in accepting, developing, and using your intuitive skills to your advantage. 31-page PDF file, $19.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person.”
http://www.drjeanette.com/HSP2.html

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TAME YOUR THOUGHTS: Your thoughts are strong, keep you awake at night, and are often out of control. You must pay attention to your thoughts and get rid of the rotten, lose-lose ones as fast as you can. Tame Your Thoughts is an hour tele-seminar that helps you change masters. $29.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order Tame Your Thoughts:
http://www.drjeanette.com/tameyourthoughts.html

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How to Grieve to Become Stronger and More Secure

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Be Sad with Yourself.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
===================

Being sad with yourself is just as important as being happy with yourself. Last week we explored how genuine heart happiness is based on realistic self-love. Read The Vibrant Moment if you missed it: https://thevibrantmoment.com/?p=1510

This week we need to balance your self-love by adding genuine sadness. Yes, being sad with yourself is essential if you want to increase your self-esteem and holistic health. Sadness is powerful; it connects you with other human beings. The closest I have ever felt to another person was when they shared their heart-felt pain with me.

Genuine sadness is deep, real, and rich. You feel the texture, hear the sounds, and know the sadness is coming from deep within your heart and soul. Sometimes the sadness comes from far away, such as the cry of Mother Earth as her trees or children are being hurt.

Regular readers of The Vibrant Moment know my mother passed away January 25, 2015. Grieving her in-the-flesh loss has many up and downs as I feel my body and emotional feelings. I feel like an orphan, all alone and sad. I feel abandoned by my mother even though that does not make any rational sense. Feelings do not make sense, they make music.

Loving yourself and staying with yourself when you are sad helps you move forward through loss, grief, and sorrow. You become stronger and more secure after feeling sad. When I feel sad, it quickly changes into another emotion and I am soon laughing and having fun with my friends again.

You may also feel a piercing sadness that you have not fulfilled yourself. I feel deep sorrow I have not used more of my human potential. Feeling the profound pain of not reaching an important goal helps you recognize your heart’s desires and admit the strong fears you need to overcome in order to reach them. Let your sadness be a potent motivator to take action, instead of dismissing your heart’s desires before it is too late.

Feel sad when you feel sad, and your sadness flows into more strength, joy, and happiness. If you avoid, deny, block, or repress your sadness, your controlled energy becomes dense and dark, weighing you down. This stuck, blocked energy keeps you from moving toward your heart’s desires and makes you mentally and physically sick.

Find healthy ways to express your sorrow with any of the expressive arts. Put on sad music, look at a sad play or movie, write about your feelings, and feel connected to the human race. Sadness connects us deeply and profoundly with each other. Sadness increases your self-esteem so you fulfill your purpose in life. Sadness is food for your soul and opens the door to more joy.

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LACKING FULFILLMENT? You had a dream about being rich and did not follow through. You had a feeling you could be sick and did not heed your own wisdom. Learn to use your natural Goddess-given gifts to fulfill your heart’s desires. Get the holistic psychology help you need to accept, develop, and use your intuitive and highly sensitive nature to your advantage. Order the special report: “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person.” Thirty-one-page PDF file, $19.97. Money-back guarantee.

Read more and order “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person:”
http://www.drjeanette.com/HSP2.html

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FIND YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF: Learn to be sad with yourself by listening to the “Opening the Heart” audio series. The third hour of audio, “When You’re Hurting…” teaches you how to stay with your sadness so your vital energy makes you self-confident, healthy, and strong. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross loved the “When You’re Hurting…” audio and recommended it in her newsletter. The other two hours of audio are “Feelings. the source of authentic love” and “Fear. the pathway to freedom and joy.” “Opening the Heart” gives you three hours of comforting, relaxing emotional healing guidance at your fingertips twenty-four hours a day to use as needed. $97.00, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order now:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

Order “Opening the Heart” before Monday, June 15 and get the Ebook, “Opening the Heart” worth $19.97 for free. The written words have a different impact on you. Words reach the left brain and help overcome its resistance!

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FEELING SAD ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP? Learn exactly what you must do to stop your emotional pain and move forward. Relationship pain is one of the strongest motivators for personal growth. This report is helpful even if you want to keep your relationship and improve it before you lose it! Order “7 Steps to Becoming Stronger After a Divorce or Break Up.” Thirteen pages; $9.97; PDF (Adobe Acrobat Reader) format.

Read more and order “7 Steps to Becoming Stronger After a Divorce or Break Up”:
http://www.drjeanette.com/divorcebreakupreport.html

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How to Be Heart Happy

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Be Happy With Yourself.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

===================

While attending a psychology lecture during my graduate school days
at Baylor University, the professor said, “Never expect to make
people happy. Happiness has nothing to do with psychology.
Psychologists cannot make anyone happy.”

Imagine my feelings and emotions when I learned that one of the major
reasons I was studying to be a psychologist was not what I “should”
try to do or what I “could” do. Wow, was I depressed, inhibited,
insecure, and ejected after that lecture.

All this studying and reading and remembering the white, straight,
male psychological theories for nothing! If traditional psychology
could not even make people happy, what was I doing in graduate
school? Honestly, this was the closest I ever came to suicide. If
there was a button to push I might have pushed it. Or the other
option was to take off in my VW van, Sunshine, and travel the world.

Thankfully, I stayed to complete my doctorate degree because
somewhere deep inside, I knew my psychology professor was wrong. I
could be happy and I could teach others how to be happy. Happiness is
a Goddess-given right for all human beings. We deserve to be happy
and we can be happy. Genuinely, happy. Not, positive thinking happy.
Happy in the heart, happy.

Real happiness is closely related to real love. When you love
yourself, you are happy with yourself. When you are happy with
yourself, you love yourself. When you love someone else, you are
happy with the other person. When you love a plant or sunset, it
makes you happy!

To become happier start with something about yourself you love. Your
feet? Your heart? Your mind? Your ability to do something or other.
Notice a quality or behavior about yourself that you admire in
others. If you have trouble with this personal growth exercise, get
outside, objective help to discover the truth about yourself.

Next, notice how often during the day you pay attention to what you
love about yourself. Become more aware as you go through your
evenings of how many moments you spent giving yourself a little love
and emotional support. Give yourself a little love more often to feel
better more often.

Just make sure what you love about yourself is real and not your
puffed up ego or puffed up chest. I doubt you want to reinforce your
unhealthy, controlling energy, which would make your defensive body
language more obvious!

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INTERESTED IN A HEART HAPPY GROUP? Join a “Joy in Your Heart” group
on the phone to learn how to become happy and satisfied with
yourself, realistically! Being happy in the heart improves your heart
and breast health. Email me and let me know you want to experience
more vibrant moments and “Joy in Your Heart.” The small group will
run for four sessions for an hour and 15 minutes and cost $200.00.
Participants decide time and dates. Contact information at drjeanete.com

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FIND YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF: If you want to be a happy in the heart
listen to the “Opening the Heart” audio series. The first hour of
audio, “Feelings. the source of authentic love” guides you into
finding your emotional self and shows you how to take care of her or
him. Listen to this comforting, relaxing audio teaches you how to
feel more love for yourself and heal your emotional wounds. The other
two hours of audio are “Fear. the pathway to freedom and joy,” and
“When You’re Hurting…” Opening the Heart” gives you emotional healing
guidance at your fingertips twenty-four hours a day. $97.00,
money-back guarantee.

Read more and order now:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

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OVERCOME ANXIETY NATURALLY: Learn to feel body feelings and emotional
feelings as you shift out of mental judgments into reality. Take the
effective home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally to reduce the
static energy of anxiety out of your nervous system. The package includes
all you need to get started. Ten written lessons, five hours of audio
that include the Opening the Heart audio above. $199.97, money-back
guarantee.

Read more and order Overcome Anxiety Naturally:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

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How to Get Anxiety Out of Your Nervous System

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Heal Emotional Wounds.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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I am delighted last week’s The Vibrant Moment about how to permanently reduce anxiety resonated with so many readers. The information shared is the secret to reaching health and happiness on planet earth. If you have been in therapy and have not been able to stop your anxiety attacks, it contains the missing link. In summary, you must find, love, and heal your emotional self. Read The Vibrant Moment if you missed it here: How to Stop Anxiety

Not only does healing your emotional wounds reduce anxiety and depression, you also experience other holistic health benefits. Your physical and mental health begins to improve as soon as you feel your emotions. If the results you are getting in life are not to your liking, heal your emotional self and see what happens.

Another benefit of healing your deep emotional wounds is your relationships dramatically improve. All of the conflict you currently experience in relationships is due to an anxious, fearful child inside of you. When you heal your emotional self he or she feels safe and secure and does not react defensively in relationships with other people.

Once you feel safe and secure, everything is easier. A loving relationship with yourself, allows you to love others and let others love you. Whether you are washing the dishes, sitting by the pool, paying your bills, or swimming in the water you are more alive and whole. Your life is no longer ordinary and mundane, you have meaning and purpose.

When you become comfortable feeling your body feelings and emotional feelings you drop down, into a place I call, Heaven on Earth.  This holistic psychology newsletter is called The Vibrant Moment because when you feel safe and secure, you enter the present moment you are living and there are no distractions. No anxiety, no thoughts, just being alive in the moment. You have a whole body experience of be-ing in the world.

The rewards of healing your emotional wounds makes life on earth worth the pain you have experienced. Get the help you need to find, accept, and follow your emotional self to freedom and joy.

Write me and tell me the topics you want to know more about. If you enjoy The Vibrant Moment, please share your holistic psychology newsletter with friends, family, and colleagues. Tell them to sign up at: http://www.drjeanette.com

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FIND YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF: If you do not own the three-hour “Opening the Heart” audio series, order it now. The first hour of audio, “Feelings. the source of authentic love” guides you into finding your emotional self and shows you how to take care of her or him. Listen to this comforting, relaxing audio every day to learn how to feel more love for yourself and heal your emotional wounds. The other two hours of audio are “Fear. the pathway to freedom and joy,” and “When You’re Hurting…” Opening the Heart” gives you emotional healing guidance at your fingertips twenty-four hours a day. $97.00, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order now:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

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OVERCOME ANXIETY NATURALLY: Learn to feel body feelings and emotional feelings as you shift out of mental judgments into feelings. Take the effective home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally to reduce the static energy of anxiety out of your nervous system. The package includes all you need to get started. ten written lessons, five hours of audio that include the Opening the Heart audio above. $199.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order Overcome Anxiety Naturally:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

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NEED HELP WITH GRIEF? Lose a pet, mother, or child? If you are interested in a four-session grief group on the phone this summer, “How to Become More Alive While Grieving” let me know. You get the support and help you need to keep moving forward with your grieving instead of getting stuck in depression and anxiety. If there is enough interest, I will do one or two “How to Become More Alive While Grieving” Groups during the summer. The price is $200 for four hour and fifteen minute sessions. Times and days will be decided by participants. Contract information at drjeanette.com

How to Accept Your Sex Fantasies and Have More Fun

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Accept Your Fantasies.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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I received an interesting question this week about sexual fantasies. In 1973, Nancy Friday’s book, My Secret Garden, destroyed the common belief that women do not have sexual fantasies. Yes, psychology, medicine, popular culture, and men did not think we had any!

Here is Nancy Friday’s list from Chapter Three: What do women fantasize about?

Anonymity
The audience
Rape
Pain and masochism
Domination
The sexuality of terror
The thrill of the forbidden
Transformation
The earth mother
Incest
The zoo
Black men
Young boys
The fetishists
Other women
Prostitution

Although there are some gender differences, women have the full range of sexual fantasies, just like men. Sexual fantasies are normal and healthy. Often sex therapists recommend couples share their sex fantasies because this improves intimacy. In some cases, you may even decide to create each other’s fantasies in real life. As long as no one gets hurt, and you both agree, fantasies spice up your love life.

It is also healthy and normal to have sex fantasies that you do not share with your partner. Just make sure you are not obsessive about your fantasies and do not HAVE to have a certain fantasy in order to be satisfied. If you are dependent on, or obsessive about a fantasy, anxiety is your problem. To reduce your anxiety take the Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study course or work with a holistic psychologist who teaches you how to diminish your anxiety enough to enjoy more pleasure.

The question I received is: “What stops you from acting out a sexual fantasy about having group sex.” There is a world of difference between having a fantasy about group sex and having group sex. The fantasy is pleasurable, exciting, and erotic. The reality of having group sex could be scary, dangerous, and self-destructive.

When you enjoy a sexual fantasy, you are in charge of what you are experiencing. There is no harm to you or anyone else. Therefore, fantasies are a healthy, empowering way to express your emotions. For example, you can be extremely angry with someone and express it in your fantasy without doing damage to yourself or the other person.

Psychological research supports the fact that people who carry out violence against others have NOT felt their anger. If you do not allow yourself to feel your anger, there is a high probability you will “act out” your anger in real life by hurting others. There is equally a high probability you will “act in” your anger, hurting yourself in some way.

When you feel you anger, you do not “act out” your unconscious material on yourself or others. The same is true with sex fantasies. Sexual fantasies are a healthy way to feel your needs and desires without hurting anyone.

The unconscious, dark energy that makes you act out your sexual fantasy is disarmed when you let yourself become conscious of your sexual truths. The fantasy itself serves as a pressure value, a safety feature, which keeps you from acting out a specific behavior that could be harmful to you or others.

When women and men have rape fantasies they often judge themselves as wrong or bad. This makes you feel bad, guilty, and full of shame. The judgment is the problem, not the fantasy. Your fantasies are like dreams, some are bad, scary, intuitive, and helpful. Fantasies are a mixture of your waking life, world environment, imagination, and past learning experiences. Do not judge any of your sex fantasies. Bring them to the light of your conscious mind so they do no harm.

Accept all your sexual fantasies. If some are hurtful and unkind, accept the part of you that is hurtful and unkind. This helps you move toward being less hurtful and unkind. We are human and have inherited a lot of unhealthy garbage from our parents, governments, and religions.

Your compassionate heart knows your sexual fantasies exist for some good reason. Sort through them as they come up to the light of your conscious mind. Be humbled by your humanity. Some of your sexual fantasies need to be tossed, other tamed, just as your thoughts need to be mastered so they serve you and do not hurt you.

Relax, enjoy your sexual fantasies, and feel good about being part of the human race.

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HOW TO HAVE A BETTER SEX LIFE: Learn to love your body and emotions when you take the effective home study course, “For Men: Become a Better Lover – How to Have a Better Sex Life.” The ten written lessons specially written for improving your ability to enjoy giving and receiving pleasure in an intimate relationship also includes seven hours of personal growth audio. Get the sex education you need to feel relaxed and confident in sexual situations. The package includes all you need to improve your sexual performance. The price of this home study course is $299.97. No one has taken the course beyond lesson three and been unhappy with his results. Vibrant Moment readers get $50.00 off this course if you order before Sunday, May 17th. Money-back guarantee.

Read more and order “For Men: Become a Better Lover – How to Have a Better Sex Life”:
http://www.drjeanette.com/becomeabetterlover.html

Use coupon DRJEANETTE for $50.00 off your home study course.

FOR WOMEN: BETTER SEXUAL HEALTH. Take the home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally. You learn how to reduce your anxiety so you feel comfortable enough to let go of control and have a good time playing like a child, with your partner. Ten written lessons and five hours of audio, $199.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order: Overcome Anxiety Naturally.
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

Use the coupon DRJEANETTE to get $50.00 off the $199.97 price if you order before Sunday, May 17th, money-back guarantee.

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TAME YOUR THOUGHTS: Learn how to throw out your rotten thoughts so your brain does not stink of old, dead food. Even the so called Positive Psychology thoughts need to be thrown away to make room for sexy, creative, healthy, vibrant thoughts. Tame Your Thoughts audio is included in the “For Men: Become a Better Lover – How to Have a Better Sex Life” and the Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study courses. Tame Your Thoughts, one-hour tele-seminar is $29.97, money-back guarantee.

“I have been turning my thoughts back ‘in’ instead of being ‘outside’ of my body. This has been a very important step. It really works and I find it to be an awesome technique I should have learned many years ago. Decades even!” Alex from Austria

Order Tame Your Thoughts self help audio before Sunday, May 17th. Money-back guarantee and get a free self-help audio, worth $29.97 of your choice from this list of holistic psychology topics. http://www.drjeanette.com/cds.html

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NEED HELP WITH GRIEF? If you are interested in a four-session grief group on the phone this summer, “How to Become More Alive While Grieving” let me know. You get the support and help you need to keep moving forward with your grieving instead of getting stuck in depression and anxiety. If there is enough interest, I will do one or two “How to Become More Alive While Grieving” Groups during the summer. The price is $200 for four hour and fifteen minute sessions. Email Dr. Doris Jeanette to discuss your grieving needs.

Sexual Health for Women and Men: Listen to Your Heart and Body

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Listen Deeply.

Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Do you know what you need and want?

So many people tell me that they do not know what they want and need. They just don’t know or they are not sure and secure in their knowing. Knowing exactly what you want and need is the first step in getting what you want and need. Otherwise, you do not have a chance!

In order to know what you want and need, you must listen to the correct answer. Listening to your ego and brain does not “grow corn.” Your ego leads you to more control, anxiety, depression, and emotional distress. On the other hand, listening to your heart and body grows sweet, delicious corn. You are happy and satisfied when you follow your heart. Spring is the time to plant the correct seeds so you have a good harvest in the fall.

This means you must learn how to bypass your brain and listen to your heart, emotional self, and body. A simple question like, “What do I really want to eat for dinner?” can make the difference between being grumpy and feeling happy. Getting the correct answer can make the difference between successful, permanent weight-loss and failure.

If you already know what you need and want, make a list now before reading any further. Your list can range from food for dinner, to your dream vacation, a new job, or healthy relationships. After you write down your desires and needs, examine each one to make sure the source is from your heart.

When you listen to your heart and body you have the potential to experience pleasure and health. Your body wants to be healthy and your emotional self wants to be happy. They rejoice and respond when you give them what they need and want. Weight-loss and success become easier and more fun.

How do you get the correct heart-felt answer?

1. You stop thinking.
2. Take three deep breaths.
3. Ask your question.
4. Listen.
3. Honor the answer.

If you listen deeply and allow the answer to come to you instead of deducting it, it is from your heart. For example, ask your body what it wants to eat. Listen and receive the answer. The answer may come in words, sensations, and colors.

Ask your emotional self, the little girl or little boy inside of you, what would taste yummy. The answer may come in feelings, knowings, words, or images. Be quiet, receive, and honor the answer or answers.

If you do not hear and receive answers, this means your critical, judgmental self is stopping you from connecting with your emotional self. Also, notice what you do if you receive an answer and do not honor it. Could it be that your judgmental self is telling you the answer is not good for you, is incorrect or not healthy?

Listening to yourself and others grows delicious sweet corn. You relate more effectively with others and they enjoy your company. You relate better with yourself so your emotional self and body are happy and healthy instead of resisting you and foiling your plans.

You get exactly what you want and need when you listen to the correct answer and then take the appropriate actions to give yourself what you want and need. Plant the seeds that grow corn now, nourish your garden during the summer, and enjoy a good harvest by September.

Please share your holistic, New Psychology newsletter with friends, family, and colleagues interested in learning how to get what they need and want: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Personal Growth Tip: Write Your Way to Better Mental Health

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Write to Know More.

Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” Nikola Tesla

I love Tesla. Maybe it is because he was never a good businessman and suffered greatly from his genus! I learned to feel sorry for people, just like everyone else, and his story of being so alone, and so poor, in NYC, with only pigeons as friends, breaks my heart.

Compare Nikola Tesla with Thomas Edison who was a great businessman. Tesla was by and far the greatest genius; Edison was by and far the greatest businessman. Edison lived in his Florida mansion on the waterfront, side by side, with Henry Ford. Ah, another businessman, and they both had wives.

What do we learn from these successful business men? It pays to be connected to people. Partnering with others is the way to profit from your ideas. But even more important than profits is your mental health. You must be connected to other people in some real, honest way in order to be mentally healthy.

So? From this moment on, I am not going to feel sorry for creative geniuses, ever again. Nope! Done, will drop that one like a hot potato!

Notice, how I shifted my mental health position, in the brief course of writing this newsletter to you? I did not even know I felt sorry for Tesla until I wrote the first paragraph. This is the reason writing is such a powerful transformational tool. Writing, without thinking, increases awareness.

From now on, I will love creative geniuses, learn from them, and stop feeling sorry for them. Instead, I will stop judging, and yes, I also noticed from writing this newsletter, that I have been judging men like Edison and Ford who were excellent businessmen.

It appears I had a false belief Edison “took advantage” of other people by making so much money, while poor Tesla suffered through life being misunderstood by all. Did I unconsciously think Edison was a bully and Tesla was a Martyr? It appears so.

Tesla could have learned how to get along with others! Yes, he could have learned to form healthy relationships with people who had good business minds. He could have been more open and loving toward possible partners of either sex. He could have enjoyed many true friends, instead of just Mark Twain.

If you do not feel connected to others, learn how to relate equally to children and adults. Get the relationships skills education needed to empower yourself so you can relax and be yourself with others. Good mental health is worth your time, money, and effort.

Start writing, without thinking, for increased awareness of what is hiding in your unconscious. It is so much fun to bring the truth up to your conscious mind.

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Grieving? Use the Holidays to Heal Your Heart

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Use the holidays to heal.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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It was eight days before Christmas when my heart was broken at the age of 34. I thought I would die and never get over losing my beloved.

The holidays are much more difficult if you have suffered a major relationship loss. If a loved one has died this year or is in the process of dying, the joy of the season is hard to find. If you were divorced this year or had a break up with your lover, the emotional pain in your broken heart may feel like its more than you can bear.

Currently, my mother’s health is failing and the anguish I feel in losing her is hard to be in. It helps me to remember the unexpected benefits I experienced when I was 34. I decided to stay with myself in my emotional pain, instead of running away or becoming more closed. My life was magically transformed by the natural process of feeling my authentic emotions.

The wide gaping hole in my heart, which I thought was delivered by the loss of my beloved, was just the tip of the iceberg. The loss revealed many long-time emotional hurts that where screaming at me because they needed to be healed. If I did not heal them, I could not grow as a person, become a better psychologist, and live a life of rich meaning and deep purpose.

What would happen if you opened up to your emotional wounds? You could also leave your ordinary and mundane life behind. You could discover that experiencing your hurt is the first sign of a more vibrant, meaningful life. Look at your loss from afar. Look up high or down deep to see how your suffering and pain can have meaning and purpose this holiday season.

Hurts create cracks in your heart. Cracks are the only way you can become more loving and receive more light. See your current hurt as the first sign of more life, vitality, and the beginning of many more vibrant moments.

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Relationship Advice: Learn to Read Energy and Look Deeper into Your Heart

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Look Deeper.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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I received a question this week from a reader about how to deal with impatience and irritability.

How often do you get impatient? And with whom?
How often to you get irritable? And with whom?

It is always helpful to notice the energy of what you are experiencing first before you take action steps to change the energy. Using energy as a feedback tool is what sets the New Psychology apart from all the other psychological approaches. If you want to know more about who you are and what you are experiencing you must become more aware of your energy.

Are you really impatient or do you just think you are impatient?

Sometimes, the sneaky ego tells you that you are impatient and you are not. I notice this quite often with my clients. For example, this is what I hear, “Please, help me today with my meanness. I was so impatient with my mother this week.”

Because I read energy, even on the phone, I immediately distrusted my clients view of herself being “mean.” My client is highly sensitive, so, I asked her to tell me more details about what happened and what she did that was so unkind to her mother.

Sure enough, after I heard the whole story, it was clear she had not been impatient and mean with her mother. She was reserving reality. Her mother had been insensitive to her.

It is conceivable that you have the same misperception about your behavior. Perhaps you do not really feel impatient but think that you do. Maybe you are not behaving in an irritable way with people. Instead of impatience, you may feel resentment, anger, fear, or hurt.

Maybe something really important is going on underneath the energy you call impatience. Perchance your irritability is a sign you are not taking care of yourself. Could it be you need to be more assertive?

So, the first thing you need to do is notice the energy of what you are experiencing. It is mental or physical? Or emotional? Is it too fast, too slow? Is it weak, strong? Dark or light? Notice the weight, color, and texture. Are you in your ego or in your heart?

Learning to read energy is an essential skill for a holistic psychologist, therapist, coach, parent, and successful person. Ok, you are paying attention to your energy. Now what?

Next, you must look underneath the surface energy. Look deep into your heart. You want to see, hear, smell, taste, feel what is going on with your emotional self. You do not want to accept what your head and brain tell you without getting the concrete data you need to know your truth.

You want to feel the authentic energy directly so you know what is really going on inside of you. You could be upset about something that is really occurring. What if you became aware of an unhealthy relationship dynamic that you need to do something about?

That was the case with my client who thought she was mean to her mother. Underneath her perception that she was being mean to her mother was a mother who was judgmental toward her daughter’s new, healthy, assertive behaviors.

When you look under the surface you find your inner truths. Also, you learn how you are defined, controlled, confused, and manipulated by others. Most people and parents do not consciously define, control, confuse, and manipulate you. They are just passing on what they learned from their parents.

Nevertheless, it certainly empowers you if you know you are letting others define, control, confuse, and manipulate you! Then, you can learn to be assertive which results in healthier relationships and increased self-confidence. Next week, I will talk more about how to deal with impatience if you are really being impatient.

Here is a big hug to you for reading The Vibrant Moment. Please share your free holistic psychology newsletter with friends and family interested in being more aware, healthy, and happy: http://www.drjeanette.com

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LEARN TO READ ENERGY AND BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class, “Say Goodbye to Being Fooled” to improve your self-esteem and effectiveness in relationships. Starts in mid-January 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Email me and let me know you are interested. One-hour class weekly, one-hour peer coaching weekly, $300.00.

Call me at 215-732-6197.

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