How to Be Heart Happy

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Be Happy With Yourself.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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While attending a psychology lecture during my graduate school days
at Baylor University, the professor said, “Never expect to make
people happy. Happiness has nothing to do with psychology.
Psychologists cannot make anyone happy.”

Imagine my feelings and emotions when I learned that one of the major
reasons I was studying to be a psychologist was not what I “should”
try to do or what I “could” do. Wow, was I depressed, inhibited,
insecure, and ejected after that lecture.

All this studying and reading and remembering the white, straight,
male psychological theories for nothing! If traditional psychology
could not even make people happy, what was I doing in graduate
school? Honestly, this was the closest I ever came to suicide. If
there was a button to push I might have pushed it. Or the other
option was to take off in my VW van, Sunshine, and travel the world.

Thankfully, I stayed to complete my doctorate degree because
somewhere deep inside, I knew my psychology professor was wrong. I
could be happy and I could teach others how to be happy. Happiness is
a Goddess-given right for all human beings. We deserve to be happy
and we can be happy. Genuinely, happy. Not, positive thinking happy.
Happy in the heart, happy.

Real happiness is closely related to real love. When you love
yourself, you are happy with yourself. When you are happy with
yourself, you love yourself. When you love someone else, you are
happy with the other person. When you love a plant or sunset, it
makes you happy!

To become happier start with something about yourself you love. Your
feet? Your heart? Your mind? Your ability to do something or other.
Notice a quality or behavior about yourself that you admire in
others. If you have trouble with this personal growth exercise, get
outside, objective help to discover the truth about yourself.

Next, notice how often during the day you pay attention to what you
love about yourself. Become more aware as you go through your
evenings of how many moments you spent giving yourself a little love
and emotional support. Give yourself a little love more often to feel
better more often.

Just make sure what you love about yourself is real and not your
puffed up ego or puffed up chest. I doubt you want to reinforce your
unhealthy, controlling energy, which would make your defensive body
language more obvious!

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INTERESTED IN A HEART HAPPY GROUP? Join a “Joy in Your Heart” group
on the phone to learn how to become happy and satisfied with
yourself, realistically! Being happy in the heart improves your heart
and breast health. Email me and let me know you want to experience
more vibrant moments and “Joy in Your Heart.” The small group will
run for four sessions for an hour and 15 minutes and cost $200.00.
Participants decide time and dates. Contact information at drjeanete.com

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FIND YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF: If you want to be a happy in the heart
listen to the “Opening the Heart” audio series. The first hour of
audio, “Feelings. the source of authentic love” guides you into
finding your emotional self and shows you how to take care of her or
him. Listen to this comforting, relaxing audio teaches you how to
feel more love for yourself and heal your emotional wounds. The other
two hours of audio are “Fear. the pathway to freedom and joy,” and
“When You’re Hurting…” Opening the Heart” gives you emotional healing
guidance at your fingertips twenty-four hours a day. $97.00,
money-back guarantee.

Read more and order now:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

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OVERCOME ANXIETY NATURALLY: Learn to feel body feelings and emotional
feelings as you shift out of mental judgments into reality. Take the
effective home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally to reduce the
static energy of anxiety out of your nervous system. The package includes
all you need to get started. Ten written lessons, five hours of audio
that include the Opening the Heart audio above. $199.97, money-back
guarantee.

Read more and order Overcome Anxiety Naturally:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

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How to Get Anxiety Out of Your Nervous System

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Heal Emotional Wounds.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

===================

I am delighted last week’s The Vibrant Moment about how to permanently reduce anxiety resonated with so many readers. The information shared is the secret to reaching health and happiness on planet earth. If you have been in therapy and have not been able to stop your anxiety attacks, it contains the missing link. In summary, you must find, love, and heal your emotional self. Read The Vibrant Moment if you missed it here: How to Stop Anxiety

Not only does healing your emotional wounds reduce anxiety and depression, you also experience other holistic health benefits. Your physical and mental health begins to improve as soon as you feel your emotions. If the results you are getting in life are not to your liking, heal your emotional self and see what happens.

Another benefit of healing your deep emotional wounds is your relationships dramatically improve. All of the conflict you currently experience in relationships is due to an anxious, fearful child inside of you. When you heal your emotional self he or she feels safe and secure and does not react defensively in relationships with other people.

Once you feel safe and secure, everything is easier. A loving relationship with yourself, allows you to love others and let others love you. Whether you are washing the dishes, sitting by the pool, paying your bills, or swimming in the water you are more alive and whole. Your life is no longer ordinary and mundane, you have meaning and purpose.

When you become comfortable feeling your body feelings and emotional feelings you drop down, into a place I call, Heaven on Earth.  This holistic psychology newsletter is called The Vibrant Moment because when you feel safe and secure, you enter the present moment you are living and there are no distractions. No anxiety, no thoughts, just being alive in the moment. You have a whole body experience of be-ing in the world.

The rewards of healing your emotional wounds makes life on earth worth the pain you have experienced. Get the help you need to find, accept, and follow your emotional self to freedom and joy.

Write me and tell me the topics you want to know more about. If you enjoy The Vibrant Moment, please share your holistic psychology newsletter with friends, family, and colleagues. Tell them to sign up at: http://www.drjeanette.com

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FIND YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF: If you do not own the three-hour “Opening the Heart” audio series, order it now. The first hour of audio, “Feelings. the source of authentic love” guides you into finding your emotional self and shows you how to take care of her or him. Listen to this comforting, relaxing audio every day to learn how to feel more love for yourself and heal your emotional wounds. The other two hours of audio are “Fear. the pathway to freedom and joy,” and “When You’re Hurting…” Opening the Heart” gives you emotional healing guidance at your fingertips twenty-four hours a day. $97.00, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order now:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

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OVERCOME ANXIETY NATURALLY: Learn to feel body feelings and emotional feelings as you shift out of mental judgments into feelings. Take the effective home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally to reduce the static energy of anxiety out of your nervous system. The package includes all you need to get started. ten written lessons, five hours of audio that include the Opening the Heart audio above. $199.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order Overcome Anxiety Naturally:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

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NEED HELP WITH GRIEF? Lose a pet, mother, or child? If you are interested in a four-session grief group on the phone this summer, “How to Become More Alive While Grieving” let me know. You get the support and help you need to keep moving forward with your grieving instead of getting stuck in depression and anxiety. If there is enough interest, I will do one or two “How to Become More Alive While Grieving” Groups during the summer. The price is $200 for four hour and fifteen minute sessions. Times and days will be decided by participants. Contract information at drjeanette.com

How to Accept Your Sex Fantasies and Have More Fun

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Accept Your Fantasies.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

===================

I received an interesting question this week about sexual fantasies. In 1973, Nancy Friday’s book, My Secret Garden, destroyed the common belief that women do not have sexual fantasies. Yes, psychology, medicine, popular culture, and men did not think we had any!

Here is Nancy Friday’s list from Chapter Three: What do women fantasize about?

Anonymity
The audience
Rape
Pain and masochism
Domination
The sexuality of terror
The thrill of the forbidden
Transformation
The earth mother
Incest
The zoo
Black men
Young boys
The fetishists
Other women
Prostitution

Although there are some gender differences, women have the full range of sexual fantasies, just like men. Sexual fantasies are normal and healthy. Often sex therapists recommend couples share their sex fantasies because this improves intimacy. In some cases, you may even decide to create each other’s fantasies in real life. As long as no one gets hurt, and you both agree, fantasies spice up your love life.

It is also healthy and normal to have sex fantasies that you do not share with your partner. Just make sure you are not obsessive about your fantasies and do not HAVE to have a certain fantasy in order to be satisfied. If you are dependent on, or obsessive about a fantasy, anxiety is your problem. To reduce your anxiety take the Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study course or work with a holistic psychologist who teaches you how to diminish your anxiety enough to enjoy more pleasure.

The question I received is: “What stops you from acting out a sexual fantasy about having group sex.” There is a world of difference between having a fantasy about group sex and having group sex. The fantasy is pleasurable, exciting, and erotic. The reality of having group sex could be scary, dangerous, and self-destructive.

When you enjoy a sexual fantasy, you are in charge of what you are experiencing. There is no harm to you or anyone else. Therefore, fantasies are a healthy, empowering way to express your emotions. For example, you can be extremely angry with someone and express it in your fantasy without doing damage to yourself or the other person.

Psychological research supports the fact that people who carry out violence against others have NOT felt their anger. If you do not allow yourself to feel your anger, there is a high probability you will “act out” your anger in real life by hurting others. There is equally a high probability you will “act in” your anger, hurting yourself in some way.

When you feel you anger, you do not “act out” your unconscious material on yourself or others. The same is true with sex fantasies. Sexual fantasies are a healthy way to feel your needs and desires without hurting anyone.

The unconscious, dark energy that makes you act out your sexual fantasy is disarmed when you let yourself become conscious of your sexual truths. The fantasy itself serves as a pressure value, a safety feature, which keeps you from acting out a specific behavior that could be harmful to you or others.

When women and men have rape fantasies they often judge themselves as wrong or bad. This makes you feel bad, guilty, and full of shame. The judgment is the problem, not the fantasy. Your fantasies are like dreams, some are bad, scary, intuitive, and helpful. Fantasies are a mixture of your waking life, world environment, imagination, and past learning experiences. Do not judge any of your sex fantasies. Bring them to the light of your conscious mind so they do no harm.

Accept all your sexual fantasies. If some are hurtful and unkind, accept the part of you that is hurtful and unkind. This helps you move toward being less hurtful and unkind. We are human and have inherited a lot of unhealthy garbage from our parents, governments, and religions.

Your compassionate heart knows your sexual fantasies exist for some good reason. Sort through them as they come up to the light of your conscious mind. Be humbled by your humanity. Some of your sexual fantasies need to be tossed, other tamed, just as your thoughts need to be mastered so they serve you and do not hurt you.

Relax, enjoy your sexual fantasies, and feel good about being part of the human race.

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Read more and order “For Men: Become a Better Lover – How to Have a Better Sex Life”:
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FOR WOMEN: BETTER SEXUAL HEALTH. Take the home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally. You learn how to reduce your anxiety so you feel comfortable enough to let go of control and have a good time playing like a child, with your partner. Ten written lessons and five hours of audio, $199.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order: Overcome Anxiety Naturally.
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Use the coupon DRJEANETTE to get $50.00 off the $199.97 price if you order before Sunday, May 17th, money-back guarantee.

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TAME YOUR THOUGHTS: Learn how to throw out your rotten thoughts so your brain does not stink of old, dead food. Even the so called Positive Psychology thoughts need to be thrown away to make room for sexy, creative, healthy, vibrant thoughts. Tame Your Thoughts audio is included in the “For Men: Become a Better Lover – How to Have a Better Sex Life” and the Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study courses. Tame Your Thoughts, one-hour tele-seminar is $29.97, money-back guarantee.

“I have been turning my thoughts back ‘in’ instead of being ‘outside’ of my body. This has been a very important step. It really works and I find it to be an awesome technique I should have learned many years ago. Decades even!” Alex from Austria

Order Tame Your Thoughts self help audio before Sunday, May 17th. Money-back guarantee and get a free self-help audio, worth $29.97 of your choice from this list of holistic psychology topics. http://www.drjeanette.com/cds.html

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NEED HELP WITH GRIEF? If you are interested in a four-session grief group on the phone this summer, “How to Become More Alive While Grieving” let me know. You get the support and help you need to keep moving forward with your grieving instead of getting stuck in depression and anxiety. If there is enough interest, I will do one or two “How to Become More Alive While Grieving” Groups during the summer. The price is $200 for four hour and fifteen minute sessions. Email Dr. Doris Jeanette to discuss your grieving needs.

Sexual Health for Women and Men: Listen to Your Heart and Body

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Listen Deeply.

Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Do you know what you need and want?

So many people tell me that they do not know what they want and need. They just don’t know or they are not sure and secure in their knowing. Knowing exactly what you want and need is the first step in getting what you want and need. Otherwise, you do not have a chance!

In order to know what you want and need, you must listen to the correct answer. Listening to your ego and brain does not “grow corn.” Your ego leads you to more control, anxiety, depression, and emotional distress. On the other hand, listening to your heart and body grows sweet, delicious corn. You are happy and satisfied when you follow your heart. Spring is the time to plant the correct seeds so you have a good harvest in the fall.

This means you must learn how to bypass your brain and listen to your heart, emotional self, and body. A simple question like, “What do I really want to eat for dinner?” can make the difference between being grumpy and feeling happy. Getting the correct answer can make the difference between successful, permanent weight-loss and failure.

If you already know what you need and want, make a list now before reading any further. Your list can range from food for dinner, to your dream vacation, a new job, or healthy relationships. After you write down your desires and needs, examine each one to make sure the source is from your heart.

When you listen to your heart and body you have the potential to experience pleasure and health. Your body wants to be healthy and your emotional self wants to be happy. They rejoice and respond when you give them what they need and want. Weight-loss and success become easier and more fun.

How do you get the correct heart-felt answer?

1. You stop thinking.
2. Take three deep breaths.
3. Ask your question.
4. Listen.
3. Honor the answer.

If you listen deeply and allow the answer to come to you instead of deducting it, it is from your heart. For example, ask your body what it wants to eat. Listen and receive the answer. The answer may come in words, sensations, and colors.

Ask your emotional self, the little girl or little boy inside of you, what would taste yummy. The answer may come in feelings, knowings, words, or images. Be quiet, receive, and honor the answer or answers.

If you do not hear and receive answers, this means your critical, judgmental self is stopping you from connecting with your emotional self. Also, notice what you do if you receive an answer and do not honor it. Could it be that your judgmental self is telling you the answer is not good for you, is incorrect or not healthy?

Listening to yourself and others grows delicious sweet corn. You relate more effectively with others and they enjoy your company. You relate better with yourself so your emotional self and body are happy and healthy instead of resisting you and foiling your plans.

You get exactly what you want and need when you listen to the correct answer and then take the appropriate actions to give yourself what you want and need. Plant the seeds that grow corn now, nourish your garden during the summer, and enjoy a good harvest by September.

Please share your holistic, New Psychology newsletter with friends, family, and colleagues interested in learning how to get what they need and want: http://www.drjeanette.com

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NEED HELP IN GETTING RID OF JUDGMENTAL SELF? Learn to connect with your emotional self and body when you take the popular home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally. 10 lessons and five hours of audio slowly moves you out of judgment into self-acceptance, out of anxiety into relaxation. The package includes all you need to get started. The price of this home study course is now $199.97. Vibrant Moment readers get this course for $50.00 off if you order before Mother’s Day, May 10th. Order one for you and get one for your mother for $100.00! Money-back guarantee.

Read more and order Overcome Anxiety Naturally:
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Use coupon DRJEANETTE for $50.00 off and if you want a course for your mother email me for the extra special discount information after you place your order.

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SEXUAL HEALTH FOR MEN: BODY LISTENING! Your sexual health improves dramatically when you listen to your body and heart. Study the home study course FOR MEN: Become a Better Lover to stop premature ejaculation, sex addiction, and erectile dysfunction. The cost of this home study course is now $299.97. Vibrant Moment readers get $100.00 off this course if you order before Mother’s Day, May 10, 2015. Order now and get what you need and want before summer is over. By lesson three most men experience some success. Read more and order sex therapy home study course: http://www.drjeanette.com/becomeabetterlover.html

SEXUAL HEALTH FOR WOMEN: To improve your sexual health take the Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study course. It reduces your anxiety so you feel safe letting go of control with your partner.

Personal Growth Tip: Write Your Way to Better Mental Health

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Write to Know More.

Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” Nikola Tesla

I love Tesla. Maybe it is because he was never a good businessman and suffered greatly from his genus! I learned to feel sorry for people, just like everyone else, and his story of being so alone, and so poor, in NYC, with only pigeons as friends, breaks my heart.

Compare Nikola Tesla with Thomas Edison who was a great businessman. Tesla was by and far the greatest genius; Edison was by and far the greatest businessman. Edison lived in his Florida mansion on the waterfront, side by side, with Henry Ford. Ah, another businessman, and they both had wives.

What do we learn from these successful business men? It pays to be connected to people. Partnering with others is the way to profit from your ideas. But even more important than profits is your mental health. You must be connected to other people in some real, honest way in order to be mentally healthy.

So? From this moment on, I am not going to feel sorry for creative geniuses, ever again. Nope! Done, will drop that one like a hot potato!

Notice, how I shifted my mental health position, in the brief course of writing this newsletter to you? I did not even know I felt sorry for Tesla until I wrote the first paragraph. This is the reason writing is such a powerful transformational tool. Writing, without thinking, increases awareness.

From now on, I will love creative geniuses, learn from them, and stop feeling sorry for them. Instead, I will stop judging, and yes, I also noticed from writing this newsletter, that I have been judging men like Edison and Ford who were excellent businessmen.

It appears I had a false belief Edison “took advantage” of other people by making so much money, while poor Tesla suffered through life being misunderstood by all. Did I unconsciously think Edison was a bully and Tesla was a Martyr? It appears so.

Tesla could have learned how to get along with others! Yes, he could have learned to form healthy relationships with people who had good business minds. He could have been more open and loving toward possible partners of either sex. He could have enjoyed many true friends, instead of just Mark Twain.

If you do not feel connected to others, learn how to relate equally to children and adults. Get the relationships skills education needed to empower yourself so you can relax and be yourself with others. Good mental health is worth your time, money, and effort.

Start writing, without thinking, for increased awareness of what is hiding in your unconscious. It is so much fun to bring the truth up to your conscious mind.

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WRITING HELP: It is not about being a good writer, it is about slaying the negative voices in your head. Listen to my dear friend Emily Hanlon teach you how to “De-fang Your Inner Critic to Find Your Voice.” She made enough money on a best seller to send her children to college and buy property in Maine. Listen to what Emily says, as I back up her knowledge, with mine. One hour live Teleseminar, $29.97.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emily.html

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NEED RELATIONSHIPS SKILLS? Being assertive is the most effective relationship skill you can possess. Learn to stop letting others bully you. Or maybe you are the bully? Either one, get the help you need to be effective and loving with others. Just reading the manual has been known to empower men and women. Order: “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” $149.97, money-back guarantee.

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“Thank you Dr. Jeanette for your Assertiveness Training course, Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence. I loved it. I learned that I was often being aggressive or passive or passive-aggressive rather than being assertive. Now I know the difference. The difference is huge, both in regard to my actions and the results I get.” — Kevin from the UK

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MAY 2, CAPE MAY, NJ, NATURE WORKSHOP: Spring Theme: Relax, Be Yourself! This workshop is not psychotherapy, it is transformational. Relationships skills are included in the multitudes of body-energy-emotional exercises enjoyed during the all-day workshop.  Read more and sign up now: http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

Grieving? Use the Holidays to Heal Your Heart

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Use the holidays to heal.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

===================

It was eight days before Christmas when my heart was broken at the age of 34. I thought I would die and never get over losing my beloved.

The holidays are much more difficult if you have suffered a major relationship loss. If a loved one has died this year or is in the process of dying, the joy of the season is hard to find. If you were divorced this year or had a break up with your lover, the emotional pain in your broken heart may feel like its more than you can bear.

Currently, my mother’s health is failing and the anguish I feel in losing her is hard to be in. It helps me to remember the unexpected benefits I experienced when I was 34. I decided to stay with myself in my emotional pain, instead of running away or becoming more closed. My life was magically transformed by the natural process of feeling my authentic emotions.

The wide gaping hole in my heart, which I thought was delivered by the loss of my beloved, was just the tip of the iceberg. The loss revealed many long-time emotional hurts that where screaming at me because they needed to be healed. If I did not heal them, I could not grow as a person, become a better psychologist, and live a life of rich meaning and deep purpose.

What would happen if you opened up to your emotional wounds? You could also leave your ordinary and mundane life behind. You could discover that experiencing your hurt is the first sign of a more vibrant, meaningful life. Look at your loss from afar. Look up high or down deep to see how your suffering and pain can have meaning and purpose this holiday season.

Hurts create cracks in your heart. Cracks are the only way you can become more loving and receive more light. See your current hurt as the first sign of more life, vitality, and the beginning of many more vibrant moments.

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SINGLE FOR THE HOLIDAYS? Get the help you need to survive the holidays, feel better about yourself and attract a better partner the next time. Order “7 Steps to Becoming Stronger After a Divorce or Break Up.” 13 pages; $9.97; PDF; money-back guarantee.

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Order from Amazon:
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Relationship Advice: Learn to Read Energy and Look Deeper into Your Heart

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Look Deeper.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

===================

I received a question this week from a reader about how to deal with impatience and irritability.

How often do you get impatient? And with whom?
How often to you get irritable? And with whom?

It is always helpful to notice the energy of what you are experiencing first before you take action steps to change the energy. Using energy as a feedback tool is what sets the New Psychology apart from all the other psychological approaches. If you want to know more about who you are and what you are experiencing you must become more aware of your energy.

Are you really impatient or do you just think you are impatient?

Sometimes, the sneaky ego tells you that you are impatient and you are not. I notice this quite often with my clients. For example, this is what I hear, “Please, help me today with my meanness. I was so impatient with my mother this week.”

Because I read energy, even on the phone, I immediately distrusted my clients view of herself being “mean.” My client is highly sensitive, so, I asked her to tell me more details about what happened and what she did that was so unkind to her mother.

Sure enough, after I heard the whole story, it was clear she had not been impatient and mean with her mother. She was reserving reality. Her mother had been insensitive to her.

It is conceivable that you have the same misperception about your behavior. Perhaps you do not really feel impatient but think that you do. Maybe you are not behaving in an irritable way with people. Instead of impatience, you may feel resentment, anger, fear, or hurt.

Maybe something really important is going on underneath the energy you call impatience. Perchance your irritability is a sign you are not taking care of yourself. Could it be you need to be more assertive?

So, the first thing you need to do is notice the energy of what you are experiencing. It is mental or physical? Or emotional? Is it too fast, too slow? Is it weak, strong? Dark or light? Notice the weight, color, and texture. Are you in your ego or in your heart?

Learning to read energy is an essential skill for a holistic psychologist, therapist, coach, parent, and successful person. Ok, you are paying attention to your energy. Now what?

Next, you must look underneath the surface energy. Look deep into your heart. You want to see, hear, smell, taste, feel what is going on with your emotional self. You do not want to accept what your head and brain tell you without getting the concrete data you need to know your truth.

You want to feel the authentic energy directly so you know what is really going on inside of you. You could be upset about something that is really occurring. What if you became aware of an unhealthy relationship dynamic that you need to do something about?

That was the case with my client who thought she was mean to her mother. Underneath her perception that she was being mean to her mother was a mother who was judgmental toward her daughter’s new, healthy, assertive behaviors.

When you look under the surface you find your inner truths. Also, you learn how you are defined, controlled, confused, and manipulated by others. Most people and parents do not consciously define, control, confuse, and manipulate you. They are just passing on what they learned from their parents.

Nevertheless, it certainly empowers you if you know you are letting others define, control, confuse, and manipulate you! Then, you can learn to be assertive which results in healthier relationships and increased self-confidence. Next week, I will talk more about how to deal with impatience if you are really being impatient.

Here is a big hug to you for reading The Vibrant Moment. Please share your free holistic psychology newsletter with friends and family interested in being more aware, healthy, and happy: http://www.drjeanette.com

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HIGHLY SENSITIVE? Reversing reality in terms of who is being insensitive is a common misperception with highly sensitive people. Instead of feeling bad about your sensitive nature, get in touch with how you let others define you and cause you to doubt your inner knowing. Order the special report, “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person.” 31-page PDF file, $19.97, money-back guarantee.

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LEARN TO READ ENERGY AND BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class, “Say Goodbye to Being Fooled” to improve your self-esteem and effectiveness in relationships. Starts in mid-January 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Email me and let me know you are interested. One-hour class weekly, one-hour peer coaching weekly, $300.00.

Call me at 215-732-6197.

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Mental Health Advice: Learn to Read Body Language

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Read body language.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Several years ago, my mother was preparing her famous southern scallop potatoes for Thanksgiving dinner when I noticed she severely tightened up her lips as she was pouring the potatoes into the baking dish.

As soon as I saw the body language of my mother I realized where I learned to tighten my lips. Not only did I see myself in her, I realized her tight lips were trying to control the outcome of her potatoes! Never had I thought about control being a factor when cooking.

In the 1970’s I received referrals from the Beck Institute at the University of Pennsylvania. While looking for new ways to help people who did not benefit from psychotherapy or CBT, I begin to actively use body language and body awareness with my new referrals. This is when I discovered the difference between control and power. Read last week’s The Vibrant Moment for the definition and difference between control and power:  Relationship Advice: Choose Power, not Control

When I taught my clients to notice their body, face, lips, feet, stomach, and what their physical form was doing at any point in time, they were much more likely to give up their denial, exaggeration, and defensive behaviors quickly without resistance. Noticing when they controlled themselves and when they did not was much more effective that trying to change their negative thoughts into positive thoughts.

This is because the tension in your body gives you the feedback that you are in control and not in your power. You can learn to feel how control feels in your body. You may or may not notice when your body is tense. Many people do not. This is the reason taking body language classes, workshops, and home study courses help you become more body conscious.

Also, use mirrors and photographs. Mirrors and photographs help you become more aware if you slow down and look. Do not throw away the photos you do not like. For example, recently a stranger was using my Nikon camera to photograph a family holiday card for me. I was directing her as she was taking the photo. At first, I did not think she was clicking all the way through because the light did not flash.

When I looked at the photos I could see she had indeed taken them correctly. I could also see how I looked when I did not think she was taking them correctly! You should see my face. Unattractive, screwed up and tense. And tight, especially my lips. Yes, of course, my lips.

So, my control showed up for me to see once again. Did my tight face help make the photos better? Did my mother’s tight lips make her potatoes taste better. Nope. Control never makes anything better.

Remembering how I looked in control sure reminds me to relax my lips more often throughout the day.

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CONTROL OR POWER? Learn the difference between power and control. My book, HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love teaches you in the first section the difference between control and power. $3.99

Order from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/HEAL-BROKEN-HEART-STOP-HURT-ebook/dp/B00AO7DU2E

Read more:
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BODY AWARENESS HOME STUDY COURSE: It is your Inner Critic who controls you and makes you anxious. The Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study course leads you into more body awareness so you become strong enough to throw your inner critic off your chest. Then you breath and feel much more relaxed being in your power. $149.97, 10 written lessons, five hours of audio, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
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READ BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class on Body Language in 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Your body gives you immediate feedback about whether you are in control or power. You also know what other people are doing and feeling. Please email me and let me know if you are interested. The cost will be $300.00.

Call:  215-732-6197.

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Feel and Express Love for a Healthy Heart and Loving Relationships

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Feel and Express Love.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Perhaps you are beginning to feel the difference between your healthy, authentic emotions and an unhelpful conditioned response after last weeks’ The Vibrant Moment. If you missed it, I defined and differentiated feelings, emotions, thoughts, and conditioned responses from each other: http://thevibrantmoment.com/2014/08/27/emotional-health-advice-learn-the-difference-between-thoughts-feelings-and-emotions/

Something you learned is very different from something you did not learn.

A conditioned response is something you learned. An authentic emotion is something you did not learn. An example of an authentic emotion is love. You did not learn to love, you were born loving. And a matter of fact, I would say you were born TO love. If your heart feels love for something or someone you feel love and that is that.

The reason you were a bundle of joy as a little baby is because you felt and expressed so much love. Now, as an adult, you feel the energy of love bubbling up in your heart from time to time. This feeling happens organically in your heart and solar plexus, without any thoughts or reason.

Once your heart is full of love, this energy naturally radiates outward away from you. This powerful energy is exactly what you need to be healthy in heart, mind, and body. Love is what you need to be happy and effective. Love connects us to each other and makes life worth living.

Of course, you can deny, repress, stop, and block your authentic feelings of love. Unfortunately, this is exactly what a large number of human beings do. In addition, you may love someone and something and cannot fully express the love you feel. Therefore, millions of people have learned to inhibit their natural feelings of love. When you inhibit your natural feelings of love, you feel lonely, isolated, sad, and unloved.

In this painful reality, your unhelpful conditioned response is how you learned to deny, repress, stop, and block your authentic feelings of love. Begin to notice what behaviors you do that control and inhibit your natural loving feelings. Notice what muscles tighten up and what happens in your nervous system. What are you squeezing and hurting when you inhibit the energy of love?

It is quite interesting that western medicine finds that the thymus on most adults has atrophied. Yes, this means your thymus may have dried up and stopped working properly. Could this be because your heart was not allowed to fully feel the love it feels? Consider the possibility.

It has been well established by western medical research that the thymus regulates the immune system. According to eastern medicine, the thymus regulates the heart charka. The research in applied kinesiology, which uses the strength of your muscles to determine if something is healthy for you or not, reveals that an alive thymus does indeed improve your immune system and immediately makes your whole energy field stronger.

So, it is true that a few thumps on the thymus immediately makes your muscles stronger and thus, healthier. This is the reason I use and teach my students and clients the Thymus Thump! Get to know your thymus and bring it back to life with physical touch and emotional love.

Inhibiting love is a conditioned response; unlearn this unhelpful behavior as quickly as you can.

Love is an authentic emotion; let it flow, so you glow!

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FEEL YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS: Discover for yourself how thoughts, feelings, emotions, and conditioned responses are different when you listen to the “Opening the Heart” audio. Become more lovable by sorting through the different energies in yourself so you learn to live without knee jerk responses. Feel the love in your heart so you can express this love to yourself and others. 3 hours of comforting, relaxing, educational audio on feelings, fear, and hurt. $97.00, eBook also available for $19.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order “Opening the Heart”:
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NEED HELP ADDING LOVE TO SEX? Take the home study course, “For Men: How to Become a Better Lover.” Being emotional is often harder for men than women and as a result your sex life may suffer. Let your heart feel and express the love you feel for your beloved. The sweetness and pleasure you feel is worth the investment in yourself. Learn to relax your body, get in the sensuous moment, and feel your emotions. The “Opening the Heart” audio is included PLUS 10 written lessons and 5 more hours of audio. $199.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order for yourself or partner:
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Feeling Guilty? Live a Guilt Free Life and Keep Loving, Healthy Relationships

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Say No To Guilt!
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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How often do you find yourself in this situation?

I am using my client, J’s example of guilt, because it is such a typical and difficult situation. Here is the email question I received this morning:

“My cousin, I’ve been close with, married a man a few years ago that I really don’t vibe with. My husband feels similarly. I’m trying to stay close to her without being very involved with him. She also has a young daughter just 6 months younger than my toddler.

They just bought a house and are moving farther away. It’s about 2.5 hrs. They invited us to a housewarming/birthday party.” I declined as politely as possible … trying not to give much reason.

Now my aunt and cousin are dissatisfied and I can feel it strongly. I made the decision because – I don’t really want to go.
– There are many other things I’m trying to focus on.
– I was invited to a friend’s child bday party I want to go to.

I already went way out of my way to sit through the most horrible wedding I’ve ever been too … I don’t want to experience that again and neither does my husband. It’s hard to explain . . .

Now I feel they’re “not happy” with my feelings … and I feel like it’s a lose/lose. If I go I won’t be happy … if I don’t go I’ll feel bad. After all I think *these are family – the people most here for me when my mom was sick. I feel bad. I want them to know I care, but I also want to care about myself.

Give me your wonderful guidance and wisdom please. Already listening to the guilt audio, but I need more specific help.

Thank you!”

What would you do?

This is definitely a guilt trap. By that I mean my client will feel bad, no matter what choice she makes. It is a lose-lose situation. The energy of a guilt trap is sticky, pulls at you, and makes it almost impossible to get out.

J is no push over. She was able to be assertive and say, “No,” the first time around. She has taken the Assertiveness Training home study course, “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence,” studied the self-help audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment,” and has been working with me privately for over a year.

J is clear about her feelings, yet, she is still stuck in the guilt trap. This is what I wrote back: The goal is to get out of the guilt trap and follow your authentic feelings without being passive or aggressive toward the people involved.

Take three deep breaths and intent to be true to yourself. There is no right or wrong answer. There is only your way out of this guilt trap. You want your choice to be the best choice you can make given the situation. You must live with whatever you choose.

If I already had another invitation that I had accepted I would tell my cousin the truth. If it was too far to drive back and forth in a day or night with two small children, I could tell my cousin the truth. If I could set up a fun trip and stay overnight and include the housewarming without feeling resentful, I would.

You want to transform this guilt trap into a win-win by choosing the pathway that creates the least amount of resentment for you. You may feel bad about not pleasing your aunt. You may call yourself, “Selfish and unkind.” That you can live through and transform.

Resentment, on the other hand, eats at you and makes you physically sick. Resentment permanently destroys relationships. Therefore, you want to behave in ways that do not make you physically sick and maintains an honest relationship over the years with your aunt and cousin.

Good luck in following your heart. Be aware of your feelings and reactions as you feel your way through this difficult situation. You can learn what you need to know, so the next guilt trap might not imprison you at all!

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STOP BUILDING UP RESENTMENT: Assertiveness Training is the most effective way to learn how to say no to resentment and requests that are not in your best interest. Take the home study course,“Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” You get a 46-page manual, PLUS six lessons, over eight hours of audio instruction and live coaching with students, $149.97, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

“Thank you Dr. Jeanette for your Assertiveness Training course, I loved it. I learned I was often being aggressive rather than being assertive. The difference is huge, both in regard to my actions and the results I get.” — Kevin from the UK

FREE BONUS: Order the Assertiveness Training home study course above and get the one-hour self-help audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment,” for free. Worth $29.97.
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FEELING GUILTY? The guilt busting audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment,” explains how learned mental judgments create guilt and deliver guilt to others. The session explains the energy of guilt and offers the listener healthy ways to replace guilty behavior with effective communication skills for more loving relationships. One-hour personal growth audio, $29.97. Money back guarantee.

Order the personal growth audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment for $29.97, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
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GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS: Study the eBook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Buy at Amazon for $3.99 http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AO7DU2E

Read more:
http://www.drjeanette.com/mendbrokenheart.html

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