Mental Health Advice: Trust the Truth, Not False Beliefs

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Trust the Truth.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Where are you stuck?
Can you tell the difference between false beliefs and truth?

Frequently, in holistic psychology sessions with my clients, I sense and feel a woman or man to be in a physical state of energy that is different from where he or she thinks they are. This is the reason it is so reliable and effective to use energy as the basis of the new, holistic psychology. The truth is easy to know when you learn to read and sense the information in physical and emotional energy.

For example, I hear a very harmonious male voice telling me that he is anxious and fearful and had a terrible week. His words do not fit his energy. His mental perception does not match up with his physical and emotional truth.

Or, I hear a woman tell me that she is doing great, everything is fine, and she sounds very depressed and miserable. Her mental perception has no basis in reality. Her energy is down and out, no matter what her thoughts are telling her, or what her words say to me.

In both these cases, the ego energy is reversing reality so the client does not know the truth. The man’s ego energy is telling him a false belief about his success in the hope of keeping him in control. The woman’s ego is telling her a false belief about her lack of success in the hope of keeping her in control.

You are full of false beliefs you learned from religions, governments, and parents. These false beliefs keep you stuck and controlled. You must know the difference between a false belief and the truth if you want to achieve self-esteem, be successful, and enjoy life.

You cannot stand in false beliefs and be successful. Only when you stand in reality can you manifest what you want in life. If you are a psychologist, coach, or therapist you need to know how to read energy so you teach your clients how to read energy. I teach my clients to read energy so they know when their ego is reversing reality and when they are standing in their truth.

Armed with this knowledge, they have the means with which they can become effective and successful. When you discover a reversal of reality that is fooling you, rejoice! You can learn how to break free from your false belief so you stand in your truth.

No matter what your truth is, you move forward immediately becoming stronger and more self-confident.

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ENERGY HEALING IN COLORADO. I will be offering private in-person energy healing sessions in Glenwood Springs, CO from Feb. 17-March 18, 2015. Sense and feel the difference between your false beliefs and the energy of truth. Learn to become more effective and successful. If interested, contact information at drjeanette.com

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Grieving? Use the Holidays to Heal Your Heart

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Use the holidays to heal.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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It was eight days before Christmas when my heart was broken at the age of 34. I thought I would die and never get over losing my beloved.

The holidays are much more difficult if you have suffered a major relationship loss. If a loved one has died this year or is in the process of dying, the joy of the season is hard to find. If you were divorced this year or had a break up with your lover, the emotional pain in your broken heart may feel like its more than you can bear.

Currently, my mother’s health is failing and the anguish I feel in losing her is hard to be in. It helps me to remember the unexpected benefits I experienced when I was 34. I decided to stay with myself in my emotional pain, instead of running away or becoming more closed. My life was magically transformed by the natural process of feeling my authentic emotions.

The wide gaping hole in my heart, which I thought was delivered by the loss of my beloved, was just the tip of the iceberg. The loss revealed many long-time emotional hurts that where screaming at me because they needed to be healed. If I did not heal them, I could not grow as a person, become a better psychologist, and live a life of rich meaning and deep purpose.

What would happen if you opened up to your emotional wounds? You could also leave your ordinary and mundane life behind. You could discover that experiencing your hurt is the first sign of a more vibrant, meaningful life. Look at your loss from afar. Look up high or down deep to see how your suffering and pain can have meaning and purpose this holiday season.

Hurts create cracks in your heart. Cracks are the only way you can become more loving and receive more light. See your current hurt as the first sign of more life, vitality, and the beginning of many more vibrant moments.

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Mental Health Advice: Notice and Admit Your Impatience

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Admit You are Impatient.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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How often do you get impatient? And with whom?
How often to you get irritable? And with whom?

Here is part two of the answer to the question from a reader about how to deal with impatience and irritability. Last week I exposed the fact that sometimes you think you are impatient and you are not. If you missed this reversal of reality holistic psychology information please read it here: Mental Health Relationship Advice.

Ok, I was just impatient and irritable. For real. Right this moment, before I sat down to write.

I had to bleach clothes that had e coli on them in the washing machine. As a highly sensitive person, I hate bleach, it burns my eyes. Even wearing a pair of yellow rubber gloves I was concerned I could get the toxic chemicals on my shirt or pants. But I was being very, very careful.

After diluting the bleach in the water so it would not totally ruin my clothes, some of the e coli clothes I put in floated up to the top of the water. While pushing the yucky clothes back down into the bleached water, some of the heavily bleached water in the machine got on my right sleeve and dripped down into my right glove. Yee, gads!

Rushing up my steep Center City basement stairs to wash off the bleach, I tripped at the top of the stairs. Back on my feet, I reached the kitchen sink. Pulling at the right glove, to get it off as fast as I could, it would not come off. Yanking at it, pulling and pulling with all my might, I could not get the glove off my hand.

My hand was stuck in the glove with bleach inside and outside of it. This is the moment it happened. Never having gotten my hand stuck in a very, very tight yellow rubber glove before I did not know what to do. My eyes were burning, my hand began to burn due to a cut on my finger. I was trapped. I experienced helplessness.

So, the conditions for impatience, frustration, and irritability are:

1. Something does not go right or turn out like it is suppose to. Your expectations of the outcome are not the results.
2. Your actions to change the results and make them do as you want do not work. You are not being effective.

There you have it. When these conditions exist, you are ripe for getting impatient.

So, you need to notice and admit to yourself that you are impatient. It is you and you alone. No one else is to blame.  If you are blaming someone else for your impatient energy, stop blaming them or any other outside factors. You are the one with the impatient energy and that is that!

Notice your body and how tight it is. What do you feel? What are you experiencing? Notice your thoughts and how fast they are moving and what they are saying to you. Do you want to make any sounds?

I growl, “Erg, Erg, Erg,” clinch my teeth and experience being overwhelmed. My racing thoughts are attacking me, making me wrong, rushing me to do something different and complaining about the results I am getting.

Oops! Sorry, this answer is now too long so you must wait until next week to get the solutions to being impatient and irritable! If you feel impatient as a result, please notice.

Do take note this week of when you are impatient and the factors that make you irritable. Awareness is the first step toward positive change.

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LEARN TO READ ENERGY AND BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class, “Say Goodbye to Being Fooled” to improve your self-esteem and effectiveness in relationships. Starts in mid-January 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Email me and let me know you are interested. One-hour class weekly, one-hour peer coaching weekly, $300.00. Contact information at drjeanette.com
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Relationship Advice: Learn to Read Energy and Look Deeper into Your Heart

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Look Deeper.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

===================

I received a question this week from a reader about how to deal with impatience and irritability.

How often do you get impatient? And with whom?
How often to you get irritable? And with whom?

It is always helpful to notice the energy of what you are experiencing first before you take action steps to change the energy. Using energy as a feedback tool is what sets the New Psychology apart from all the other psychological approaches. If you want to know more about who you are and what you are experiencing you must become more aware of your energy.

Are you really impatient or do you just think you are impatient?

Sometimes, the sneaky ego tells you that you are impatient and you are not. I notice this quite often with my clients. For example, this is what I hear, “Please, help me today with my meanness. I was so impatient with my mother this week.”

Because I read energy, even on the phone, I immediately distrusted my clients view of herself being “mean.” My client is highly sensitive, so, I asked her to tell me more details about what happened and what she did that was so unkind to her mother.

Sure enough, after I heard the whole story, it was clear she had not been impatient and mean with her mother. She was reserving reality. Her mother had been insensitive to her.

It is conceivable that you have the same misperception about your behavior. Perhaps you do not really feel impatient but think that you do. Maybe you are not behaving in an irritable way with people. Instead of impatience, you may feel resentment, anger, fear, or hurt.

Maybe something really important is going on underneath the energy you call impatience. Perchance your irritability is a sign you are not taking care of yourself. Could it be you need to be more assertive?

So, the first thing you need to do is notice the energy of what you are experiencing. It is mental or physical? Or emotional? Is it too fast, too slow? Is it weak, strong? Dark or light? Notice the weight, color, and texture. Are you in your ego or in your heart?

Learning to read energy is an essential skill for a holistic psychologist, therapist, coach, parent, and successful person. Ok, you are paying attention to your energy. Now what?

Next, you must look underneath the surface energy. Look deep into your heart. You want to see, hear, smell, taste, feel what is going on with your emotional self. You do not want to accept what your head and brain tell you without getting the concrete data you need to know your truth.

You want to feel the authentic energy directly so you know what is really going on inside of you. You could be upset about something that is really occurring. What if you became aware of an unhealthy relationship dynamic that you need to do something about?

That was the case with my client who thought she was mean to her mother. Underneath her perception that she was being mean to her mother was a mother who was judgmental toward her daughter’s new, healthy, assertive behaviors.

When you look under the surface you find your inner truths. Also, you learn how you are defined, controlled, confused, and manipulated by others. Most people and parents do not consciously define, control, confuse, and manipulate you. They are just passing on what they learned from their parents.

Nevertheless, it certainly empowers you if you know you are letting others define, control, confuse, and manipulate you! Then, you can learn to be assertive which results in healthier relationships and increased self-confidence. Next week, I will talk more about how to deal with impatience if you are really being impatient.

Here is a big hug to you for reading The Vibrant Moment. Please share your free holistic psychology newsletter with friends and family interested in being more aware, healthy, and happy: http://www.drjeanette.com

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HIGHLY SENSITIVE? Reversing reality in terms of who is being insensitive is a common misperception with highly sensitive people. Instead of feeling bad about your sensitive nature, get in touch with how you let others define you and cause you to doubt your inner knowing. Order the special report, “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person.” 31-page PDF file, $19.97, money-back guarantee.

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LEARN TO READ ENERGY AND BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class, “Say Goodbye to Being Fooled” to improve your self-esteem and effectiveness in relationships. Starts in mid-January 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Email me and let me know you are interested. One-hour class weekly, one-hour peer coaching weekly, $300.00.

Call me at 215-732-6197.

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Metaphysical Law: Bless What You Want and Need to Manifest Goal.

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Bless Your Heart.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

My mother signed every card she sent me with “Bless you.” Sometimes, it was even “God bless you.” As a young psychologist, I did not like her religious tones and words. I threw her blessings into the trash in my Center City, Philadelphia home with irritation and disapproval.

As an older, wiser, holistic psychologist I write “Bless you.” and “Bless your heart” at the end of some of my emails. My 86-year-old mother has heard me say many times to her in the last decade, “Thank you mother for blessing me all those years. It finally paid off!”

“Mother, I am so grateful for your blessings. You are so smart. How did you know blessing me was the thing to do?” Mother gently replies, “I don’t know, I just knew to bless you and all that I love.”

Indeed. How wise my mother was and is. She still blesses me in each phone call and encounter we have. It is one of the many things I will miss when she passes. Her ever presence love and blessings will be sorely missed.

Huna psychology from Hawaii also teaches the power of blessing. Whatever you bless increases. This increase occurs because you give positive energy to that which you bless. There may be some other metaphysics magic that occurs that I do not know about, but I know for sure blessing something empowers me and that which I bless.

Try it yourself. If you want more money, bless those that are rich. Bless money in any and all forms. Bless paper money, real estate, stocks, and gold. Bless money to get more money. Notice if you judge and curse the rich. Cursing simply means that good old fashion disapproval I blasted upon my mother’s blessings.

I used to also curse money and the rich. My disapproval of money blocked me from having a good relationship with money. Finally, after years of rejecting money, I am close and loving with money. What a shift and what a joy to be in harmony with money!

Bless anything you want to receive. Bless healthy people to become healthy. Bless loving couples to become more loving. Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday to remind you to use the power of blessing. Bless all that you love and want.

Start by blessing the Native American people for giving life and food to white man when he landed upon their shores.

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Contact information at http://www.drjeanette.com

How to Achieve Emotional Health and Maturity? Breathe and Feel.

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Breathe and Feel.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
====================

Here is an emotional health question I received from an Indian woman:

“I’m a published writer and a thinker. Thus, I’m intellectually and physically mature, but emotionally, a child.

There could be a few reasons why I stayed a child emotionally. No amount of self-knowledge seems to help, as I still react like a naive schoolgirl to situations where the emotions are involved, although I’m a reasonably happy person, generally.

My question is whatever the reason for the delay, how do I now cross over from girlhood to womanhood emotionally?”

This Indian woman is well ahead of most people because she knows she is not emotionally mature. Unfortunately, many people think they are emotionally mature and they are not. If you control and manage your emotions you may think you are mature. But are you?

This intellectual Indian woman knows she reacts like a naive showgirl. Do you notice when you react like a spoilt brat? Or victim? Or self-righteous know-it-all? If not, begin to notice any knee jerk reactions that do not go through your body and heart before being expressed.

Anytime you react immediately to anything in your life, you are having a reaction. A reaction is a conditioned response. If you feel like you must immediately answer that email, return that phone call or set someone straight-beware! You are reacting.

If you get an upsetting email, phone call or you think someone is attacking you, what do you do? If you think something “bad” is happening, slow down. You are reacting. Reactions occur when you are being controlled by your past learning history.

Reactions are the opposite of emotional maturity. Reactions make you weak and ineffective in relationships. You feel insecure and unloved. Emotional maturity feels good all over! You feel secure and self-confident with yourself and others.

How can you become emotionally healthy and mature?

When anything what-so-ever happens in your life. Take a deep breath and feel your emotions. “Breathe and feel” is the mantra I use throughout the “Opening the Heart” audio because that is how I noticed and reduced my defensive reactions.

“Breathe and feel” really works. As you exhale, let go of your breath and let go of control. Invite your authentic emotions into your awareness when you say to yourself, “feel.”

The emotionally mature response in all situations is to feel your authentic emotions. Feeling your emotions takes you to a different place. Or to many different places. You could have strong, intense emotions that go in opposite directions. Most of us do!

All you have to do is feel your emotions. Accept them. Enjoy them. They are colorful clouds of matter. When you feel your emotions instead of reacting, you are secure and self-confident.
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READ BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class on Body Language in 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Your body gives you immediate feedback about whether you are in control or power. You also know what other people are feeling. Please email me and let me know if you are interested. The cost will be $300.00.

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Mental Health Advice: Learn to Read Body Language

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Read body language.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

Several years ago, my mother was preparing her famous southern scallop potatoes for Thanksgiving dinner when I noticed she severely tightened up her lips as she was pouring the potatoes into the baking dish.

As soon as I saw the body language of my mother I realized where I learned to tighten my lips. Not only did I see myself in her, I realized her tight lips were trying to control the outcome of her potatoes! Never had I thought about control being a factor when cooking.

In the 1970’s I received referrals from the Beck Institute at the University of Pennsylvania. While looking for new ways to help people who did not benefit from psychotherapy or CBT, I begin to actively use body language and body awareness with my new referrals. This is when I discovered the difference between control and power. Read last week’s The Vibrant Moment for the definition and difference between control and power:  Relationship Advice: Choose Power, not Control

When I taught my clients to notice their body, face, lips, feet, stomach, and what their physical form was doing at any point in time, they were much more likely to give up their denial, exaggeration, and defensive behaviors quickly without resistance. Noticing when they controlled themselves and when they did not was much more effective that trying to change their negative thoughts into positive thoughts.

This is because the tension in your body gives you the feedback that you are in control and not in your power. You can learn to feel how control feels in your body. You may or may not notice when your body is tense. Many people do not. This is the reason taking body language classes, workshops, and home study courses help you become more body conscious.

Also, use mirrors and photographs. Mirrors and photographs help you become more aware if you slow down and look. Do not throw away the photos you do not like. For example, recently a stranger was using my Nikon camera to photograph a family holiday card for me. I was directing her as she was taking the photo. At first, I did not think she was clicking all the way through because the light did not flash.

When I looked at the photos I could see she had indeed taken them correctly. I could also see how I looked when I did not think she was taking them correctly! You should see my face. Unattractive, screwed up and tense. And tight, especially my lips. Yes, of course, my lips.

So, my control showed up for me to see once again. Did my tight face help make the photos better? Did my mother’s tight lips make her potatoes taste better. Nope. Control never makes anything better.

Remembering how I looked in control sure reminds me to relax my lips more often throughout the day.

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READ BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class on Body Language in 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Your body gives you immediate feedback about whether you are in control or power. You also know what other people are doing and feeling. Please email me and let me know if you are interested. The cost will be $300.00.

Call:  215-732-6197.

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Self Confidence Tip: Choose Power and Forget Control

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Choose Power.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

When I first noticed I was nervous before a certain client arrived for our session, I became very curious as to the reason I would experience anxiety with her and not any of my other clients. My client always dressed perfectly, had lots of money, a good job, and had no problem except for losing her partner.

Exploring the reason I was nervous about meeting with this client lead to one of my first major breakthroughs as a young psychologist. I discovered the physical difference between control and power. Most people, and many psychologists, are fooled by the man or woman who exhibits a great deal of control.

In some circles, controlling your behavior is highly praised and valued in the USA and Europe. In my early psychotherapy groups, I often had to deal with some members putting the controlled person in the group up on a pedestal. As a result, they felt “inferior” to the person who was in control.

Many highly controlled people are functional in the world because they are rewarded and reinforced for being “in control.” Even current psychological treatments in 2014 focus on controlling your anger, having to be positive, and thinking your way to happiness.

However, since I was using relaxation therapy and desensitization therapy back in the late 1970’s to reduce anxiety in sexual situations as a sex therapist, I knew that control was never functional in the bedroom and in matters of the heart. Control of any sort immediately kills emotional intimacy and delicious lovemaking.

As I felt my anxiety about the client who was about to arrive in my office, I suddenly realized my client was in control. She put herself on a pedestal, she was perfect. As a result, she was unpleasant to be around. I was not looking forward to seeing her.

When I realized she was in control, I knew she was highly anxious. Knowing she was anxious make it easy to be compassion toward her so I could then help her relax her body so she could feel more comfortable being herself.

The bottom-line is, the more anxious you are, the more controlling you are. The more relaxed you are, the more powerful you are.

Reading body language is extremely helpful. A tense body is different from a relaxed body. Power and control cannot exist in your body at the same time. You are either in a state of power or control. One physical state blocks out the other.

You get to choose power or control every moment of your life.

Real power is the healthy energy that is measured by physicists as voltage. The more voltage, the more power. When you are in a state of power you radiate good energy around you and your resistance to disease is high.

Power is the vital energy that gives you vibrant moments. Notice what, when, where, and how you control yourself. Then, choose to be powerful by loving yourself as you are in the moment. Give up seeking to be in control.

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CONTROL OR POWER? Learn the difference between power and control. My book, HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love teaches you in the first section the difference between control and power. $3.99

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Read more:
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READ BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class on Body Language in 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Your body gives you the feedback about whether you are in control or power. Please email me and let me know if you are interested. The cost will be $300.00.

If I do not answer your email, call me at 215-732-6197.

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Stress Management Tip: Become Emotionally Healthy by Feeling Your Feelings

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Handle Stress Effectively.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Do you want to handle stress with more ease and grace?

Tina Gilbertson, says in her book, Constructive Wallowing, “For all of us, how we deal with our feelings has an impact on how quickly we’re able to bounce back from setbacks large and small.” Sometimes life throws us difficult events. Whether it is a wet basement, fleas on your pets, or a mother nearing the end of her life, you handle these events much more effectively when you handle your feelings in an emotionally healthy fashion.

What is an emotionally healthy fashion?

When you allow yourself to feel your feelings instead of making them wrong or bad, you become emotionally healthy. So, no matter what you feel, “Feel, baby feel!” This emotional health fact, is one of the major reasons Talk Therapy is so limited.

Stress happens often to everyone. When you do not feel good, you do not need to talk about your feelings. Instead, you need someone to teach you how to feel your feelings so you move forward toward the light at the end of the tunnel.

You need to learn how to move through the realities of life without being overwhelmed by the energy of stress. This will help you feel better, and you become an emotionally healthy role model for your children, relatives, and friends.

Therefore, the best use of your time, energy, and money is to learn how to feel your body feelings and emotional feelings as they occur. Do not put your emotional needs on the back burner. Feeling your feelings is the successful way out of any stressful event.

Here is a list of things you can do to help you feel your feelings.

1. Write out your feelings without censorship.
2. Dance how you feel.
3. Take boxing lessons.
4. Take an acting class.
5. Draw how you feel.
6. Listen to music, especially opera.
7. Dress up for Halloween as needed.

It does not matter what you feel, what matters is admitting the truth about HOW you feel. You may feel like the Wicked Witch of the West or the Fairy God Mother. Whether you are the Tin Man without a heart or the Lion without courage, admit the raw truth of how you feel deep down inside.

Let your body tell you the truth about how you feel. Your body knows the truth, it cannot lie. If you stop your bully brain from controlling you, your body automatically reveals how you feel. Let go of control and allow your body to express how you truly feel.

When you admit the truth of how weak you feel deep down inside, a marvelous event occurs. You gain more strength, courage, and emotional health. Tis true. Mother Nature is not a fool.

You must fall down into the deep unconscious of your truths, to rise up to the wonderful person you are.  Try being the person you hate the most for a day and own this part of you. Start planning your Halloween costume based on the part of you, you find distasteful.

What happens when you admit unconscious truths?

You suddenly handle stress more effectively. You do not get stuck in the mess of your own mental judgments making you a bad person. You heal some past wounds. You reach the light at the end of the darkness.

Breaking free, you join the human race. You are no longer better or worse than another.

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BODY FEELINGS: Move forward and become more self-confident. Your body knows how you feel. All you have to do is hear what your body is screaming at you. For better physical, mental, and emotional health stop rejecting and blaming your body. Instead, love your body and let it tell you the truth about how you feel. Study the one-hour audio, “3 Reasons You Have a Body: Hear Your Body Talking.” CD or mp3, $29.97, Money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

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BECOME EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY! Assertiveness Training is often misunderstood. It is an excellent way to feel your feelings and learn how to express your feelings in healthy ways that are not passive or aggressive. Take the home study course, “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” A 31-page manual PLUS over 8 hours of audio coaching with real people and real problems.

Read more and order your Assertiveness Training Course:
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

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Self Esteem Tip: Self Confidence is Based on Reality, Not What You Think!

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Get Honest Feedback
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Do you see yourself realistically?

Last night I was pondering one of my teachers’ writings, teachings, and behaviors. I love him and that is the reason I choose him to be my teacher. I resonate with him. This means my vibration is similar to his vibration.

However, he made a comment in his book about how warm and fuzzy he was. Since I have spent time with him in person I was surprised to hear him say he was warm and fuzzy. I did not find him to be huggable. I checked with a friend who attended his workshop and she did not find him to be warm and fuzzy either.

We all have blind spots and these blind spots can appear to be ridiculous to others. So, I wondered about myself. How realistically do I see myself? I think I am warm and fuzzy, am I? Given the number of people who say I give good hugs and ask for more, huggable has a high probability of being correct for me.

To be huggable all the time would not be authentic. When under stress we respond to the stressful stimuli with either anxiety or solutions. So, give yourself and others room to be the full range of human at all times.

Nevertheless, I am intrigued about what others see in me that I do not see. I still thank my post-doc supervisor, Joseph Wolfe, M.D. who asked me, in his charming South African accent, “And exactly what was the reason you said that to your male client at that point in the interview, Dr. Keller?” I was stunted, I had no clinical or scientific reason.

I was Dr. Doris Jeanette Keller at the time and Dr. Wolpe’s comments sent me into a deep depression, feeling criticized, attacked, and inadequate. Thankfully, I looked underneath my defensive reaction to discover I was criticizing myself for being a terrible therapist. Joe’s honest feedback helped me become more realistic about myself as a beginning therapist. He was after all, teaching me how to be a better therapist.

Then there was the bass jazz player who sent me crying all the way home through Rittenhouse Square one cold, late night in Philadelphia. His simple words, “You have a chip on your shoulder,” wounded me to the core and helped eliminate another blind spot.

You cannot be self-confident if you are unrealistic about yourself. If you do not stand on solid ground, you are insecure, weak, and scared. A self-confident person knows her strengths and weaknesses. Self-confident people have no reason to defend against the truth.

My teacher’s blind spot has inspired me to make a conscious effort to see more of my blind spots this week. How about joining me in my personal growth adventure? Use feedback, energy flow, and behavior to help you become more realistic.

Self-confidence Building Tips:
1.    Notice the non-verbal feedback you get from others
2.    Listen to verbal feedback and notice your reaction
3.    Do not assume someone is criticizing you
4.    Look at yourself in mirrors and in glass panes
5.    Be self-accepting when you see tension
6.    Be self-accepting when you notice judgments

What I am suggesting you do requires moving pass the first major turning point in personal growth. Some fall back at this point and do not move forward. They do not want to see themselves realistically.

Here is a secret power tool to help you be successful making the cut. I call this the First Trick in Transformation: Do not judge that which you find. You will enjoy the process of discovering new blind spots if you do not make yourself wrong or bad about the truths you discover.

Instead, relax, let go,  and trust the process of transformation to take you to a new level of self-confidence.

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LEARN MORE ABOUT TRANSFORMATION:  Study the emotional health audio, Opening the Heart, on a daily basis. Includes information about the First Trick in Transformation and helps you stay with yourself though the different stages of personal growth. Delivered in a lullaby sounding voice that is comforting to the heart, body, and soul. 3 hours of self-help audio, $97.00, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

Order before Saturday, May 32 and receive the written transcript worth $19.97 for free.

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ALREADY OWN OPENING THE HEART? Take the Assertiveness Training Course home study course “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” Recognize your passive and aggressive behavior and become assertive. Learning how to be assertive helps you be more realistic about yourself so you have more self-confidence. Stand in your power and enjoy it! $149.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

END OF MAY SPECIAL: Order the Assertiveness Training course before May 31 and get the Body Language audio, “Hear Your Body Talking” worth $29.97 for free!

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USE BODY LANGUAGE FEEDBACK: Your body cannot lie and it reveals the truth about you. Become more aware of your body language. Use body feedback to be realistic so your self-esteem improves. Study “Hear Your Body Talking.” One-hour audio, $29.97, guaranteed.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

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