Category Archives: Self confidence

Relationship Advice: Learn to Read Energy and Look Deeper into Your Heart

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Look Deeper.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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I received a question this week from a reader about how to deal with impatience and irritability.

How often do you get impatient? And with whom?
How often to you get irritable? And with whom?

It is always helpful to notice the energy of what you are experiencing first before you take action steps to change the energy. Using energy as a feedback tool is what sets the New Psychology apart from all the other psychological approaches. If you want to know more about who you are and what you are experiencing you must become more aware of your energy.

Are you really impatient or do you just think you are impatient?

Sometimes, the sneaky ego tells you that you are impatient and you are not. I notice this quite often with my clients. For example, this is what I hear, “Please, help me today with my meanness. I was so impatient with my mother this week.”

Because I read energy, even on the phone, I immediately distrusted my clients view of herself being “mean.” My client is highly sensitive, so, I asked her to tell me more details about what happened and what she did that was so unkind to her mother.

Sure enough, after I heard the whole story, it was clear she had not been impatient and mean with her mother. She was reserving reality. Her mother had been insensitive to her.

It is conceivable that you have the same misperception about your behavior. Perhaps you do not really feel impatient but think that you do. Maybe you are not behaving in an irritable way with people. Instead of impatience, you may feel resentment, anger, fear, or hurt.

Maybe something really important is going on underneath the energy you call impatience. Perchance your irritability is a sign you are not taking care of yourself. Could it be you need to be more assertive?

So, the first thing you need to do is notice the energy of what you are experiencing. It is mental or physical? Or emotional? Is it too fast, too slow? Is it weak, strong? Dark or light? Notice the weight, color, and texture. Are you in your ego or in your heart?

Learning to read energy is an essential skill for a holistic psychologist, therapist, coach, parent, and successful person. Ok, you are paying attention to your energy. Now what?

Next, you must look underneath the surface energy. Look deep into your heart. You want to see, hear, smell, taste, feel what is going on with your emotional self. You do not want to accept what your head and brain tell you without getting the concrete data you need to know your truth.

You want to feel the authentic energy directly so you know what is really going on inside of you. You could be upset about something that is really occurring. What if you became aware of an unhealthy relationship dynamic that you need to do something about?

That was the case with my client who thought she was mean to her mother. Underneath her perception that she was being mean to her mother was a mother who was judgmental toward her daughter’s new, healthy, assertive behaviors.

When you look under the surface you find your inner truths. Also, you learn how you are defined, controlled, confused, and manipulated by others. Most people and parents do not consciously define, control, confuse, and manipulate you. They are just passing on what they learned from their parents.

Nevertheless, it certainly empowers you if you know you are letting others define, control, confuse, and manipulate you! Then, you can learn to be assertive which results in healthier relationships and increased self-confidence. Next week, I will talk more about how to deal with impatience if you are really being impatient.

Here is a big hug to you for reading The Vibrant Moment. Please share your free holistic psychology newsletter with friends and family interested in being more aware, healthy, and happy: http://www.drjeanette.com

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HIGHLY SENSITIVE? Reversing reality in terms of who is being insensitive is a common misperception with highly sensitive people. Instead of feeling bad about your sensitive nature, get in touch with how you let others define you and cause you to doubt your inner knowing. Order the special report, “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person.” 31-page PDF file, $19.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/HSP2.html

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NEED ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING? Feel better and empowered just by reading the 46 page manual in the home study course, “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” After you listen to the first audio lesson, you know more about how to overcome the blocks that stop you from being more assertive and effective in relationships. Order before the holidays for more enjoyable family gatherings. 46 pages, six hours of audio, $149.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
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LEARN TO READ ENERGY AND BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class, “Say Goodbye to Being Fooled” to improve your self-esteem and effectiveness in relationships. Starts in mid-January 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Email me and let me know you are interested. One-hour class weekly, one-hour peer coaching weekly, $300.00.

Call me at 215-732-6197.

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How to Achieve Emotional Health and Maturity? Breathe and Feel.

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Breathe and Feel.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
====================

Here is an emotional health question I received from an Indian woman:

“I’m a published writer and a thinker. Thus, I’m intellectually and physically mature, but emotionally, a child.

There could be a few reasons why I stayed a child emotionally. No amount of self-knowledge seems to help, as I still react like a naive schoolgirl to situations where the emotions are involved, although I’m a reasonably happy person, generally.

My question is whatever the reason for the delay, how do I now cross over from girlhood to womanhood emotionally?”

This Indian woman is well ahead of most people because she knows she is not emotionally mature. Unfortunately, many people think they are emotionally mature and they are not. If you control and manage your emotions you may think you are mature. But are you?

This intellectual Indian woman knows she reacts like a naive showgirl. Do you notice when you react like a spoilt brat? Or victim? Or self-righteous know-it-all? If not, begin to notice any knee jerk reactions that do not go through your body and heart before being expressed.

Anytime you react immediately to anything in your life, you are having a reaction. A reaction is a conditioned response. If you feel like you must immediately answer that email, return that phone call or set someone straight-beware! You are reacting.

If you get an upsetting email, phone call or you think someone is attacking you, what do you do? If you think something “bad” is happening, slow down. You are reacting. Reactions occur when you are being controlled by your past learning history.

Reactions are the opposite of emotional maturity. Reactions make you weak and ineffective in relationships. You feel insecure and unloved. Emotional maturity feels good all over! You feel secure and self-confident with yourself and others.

How can you become emotionally healthy and mature?

When anything what-so-ever happens in your life. Take a deep breath and feel your emotions. “Breathe and feel” is the mantra I use throughout the “Opening the Heart” audio because that is how I noticed and reduced my defensive reactions.

“Breathe and feel” really works. As you exhale, let go of your breath and let go of control. Invite your authentic emotions into your awareness when you say to yourself, “feel.”

The emotionally mature response in all situations is to feel your authentic emotions. Feeling your emotions takes you to a different place. Or to many different places. You could have strong, intense emotions that go in opposite directions. Most of us do!

All you have to do is feel your emotions. Accept them. Enjoy them. They are colorful clouds of matter. When you feel your emotions instead of reacting, you are secure and self-confident.
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NEED HELP FEELINGS YOUR EMOTIONS? The “Breathe and feel” mantra in the “Opening the Heart” audio helps you find and experience your authentic emotions. You are lovingly guided into your solar plexus where your emotions live. The emotional health audio helps you stay with yourself so you become more secure and stronger. Learn the difference between reacting and feeling. For example, feeling sorry for yourself is not the same as feeling sadness. Three-hour audio on feelings, fear and hurt, $97.00, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

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ALREADY OWN OPENING THE HEART? Once you know how you feel, then you need to learn how to be effective in expressing your emotions to others. To help you become more skillful in relationships take the Assertiveness Training home study course: “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” Use the coupon HEART to get $30.00 off. 46-page manual as a PDF file PLUS over six hours of audio as mp3s. $147.97, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
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READ BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class on Body Language in 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Your body gives you immediate feedback about whether you are in control or power. You also know what other people are feeling. Please email me and let me know if you are interested. The cost will be $300.00.

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Mental Health Advice: Learn to Read Body Language

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Read body language.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

Several years ago, my mother was preparing her famous southern scallop potatoes for Thanksgiving dinner when I noticed she severely tightened up her lips as she was pouring the potatoes into the baking dish.

As soon as I saw the body language of my mother I realized where I learned to tighten my lips. Not only did I see myself in her, I realized her tight lips were trying to control the outcome of her potatoes! Never had I thought about control being a factor when cooking.

In the 1970’s I received referrals from the Beck Institute at the University of Pennsylvania. While looking for new ways to help people who did not benefit from psychotherapy or CBT, I begin to actively use body language and body awareness with my new referrals. This is when I discovered the difference between control and power. Read last week’s The Vibrant Moment for the definition and difference between control and power:  Relationship Advice: Choose Power, not Control

When I taught my clients to notice their body, face, lips, feet, stomach, and what their physical form was doing at any point in time, they were much more likely to give up their denial, exaggeration, and defensive behaviors quickly without resistance. Noticing when they controlled themselves and when they did not was much more effective that trying to change their negative thoughts into positive thoughts.

This is because the tension in your body gives you the feedback that you are in control and not in your power. You can learn to feel how control feels in your body. You may or may not notice when your body is tense. Many people do not. This is the reason taking body language classes, workshops, and home study courses help you become more body conscious.

Also, use mirrors and photographs. Mirrors and photographs help you become more aware if you slow down and look. Do not throw away the photos you do not like. For example, recently a stranger was using my Nikon camera to photograph a family holiday card for me. I was directing her as she was taking the photo. At first, I did not think she was clicking all the way through because the light did not flash.

When I looked at the photos I could see she had indeed taken them correctly. I could also see how I looked when I did not think she was taking them correctly! You should see my face. Unattractive, screwed up and tense. And tight, especially my lips. Yes, of course, my lips.

So, my control showed up for me to see once again. Did my tight face help make the photos better? Did my mother’s tight lips make her potatoes taste better. Nope. Control never makes anything better.

Remembering how I looked in control sure reminds me to relax my lips more often throughout the day.

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CONTROL OR POWER? Learn the difference between power and control. My book, HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love teaches you in the first section the difference between control and power. $3.99

Order from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/HEAL-BROKEN-HEART-STOP-HURT-ebook/dp/B00AO7DU2E

Read more:
http://www.drjeanette.com/mendbrokenheart.html

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BODY AWARENESS HOME STUDY COURSE: It is your Inner Critic who controls you and makes you anxious. The Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study course leads you into more body awareness so you become strong enough to throw your inner critic off your chest. Then you breath and feel much more relaxed being in your power. $149.97, 10 written lessons, five hours of audio, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

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READ BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class on Body Language in 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Your body gives you immediate feedback about whether you are in control or power. You also know what other people are doing and feeling. Please email me and let me know if you are interested. The cost will be $300.00.

Call:  215-732-6197.

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Self Confidence Tip: Choose Power and Forget Control

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Choose Power.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

When I first noticed I was nervous before a certain client arrived for our session, I became very curious as to the reason I would experience anxiety with her and not any of my other clients. My client always dressed perfectly, had lots of money, a good job, and had no problem except for losing her partner.

Exploring the reason I was nervous about meeting with this client lead to one of my first major breakthroughs as a young psychologist. I discovered the physical difference between control and power. Most people, and many psychologists, are fooled by the man or woman who exhibits a great deal of control.

In some circles, controlling your behavior is highly praised and valued in the USA and Europe. In my early psychotherapy groups, I often had to deal with some members putting the controlled person in the group up on a pedestal. As a result, they felt “inferior” to the person who was in control.

Many highly controlled people are functional in the world because they are rewarded and reinforced for being “in control.” Even current psychological treatments in 2014 focus on controlling your anger, having to be positive, and thinking your way to happiness.

However, since I was using relaxation therapy and desensitization therapy back in the late 1970’s to reduce anxiety in sexual situations as a sex therapist, I knew that control was never functional in the bedroom and in matters of the heart. Control of any sort immediately kills emotional intimacy and delicious lovemaking.

As I felt my anxiety about the client who was about to arrive in my office, I suddenly realized my client was in control. She put herself on a pedestal, she was perfect. As a result, she was unpleasant to be around. I was not looking forward to seeing her.

When I realized she was in control, I knew she was highly anxious. Knowing she was anxious make it easy to be compassion toward her so I could then help her relax her body so she could feel more comfortable being herself.

The bottom-line is, the more anxious you are, the more controlling you are. The more relaxed you are, the more powerful you are.

Reading body language is extremely helpful. A tense body is different from a relaxed body. Power and control cannot exist in your body at the same time. You are either in a state of power or control. One physical state blocks out the other.

You get to choose power or control every moment of your life.

Real power is the healthy energy that is measured by physicists as voltage. The more voltage, the more power. When you are in a state of power you radiate good energy around you and your resistance to disease is high.

Power is the vital energy that gives you vibrant moments. Notice what, when, where, and how you control yourself. Then, choose to be powerful by loving yourself as you are in the moment. Give up seeking to be in control.

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CONTROL OR POWER? Learn the difference between power and control. My book, HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love teaches you in the first section the difference between control and power. $3.99

Order from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/HEAL-BROKEN-HEART-STOP-HURT-ebook/dp/B00AO7DU2E

Read more:
http://www.drjeanette.com/mendbrokenheart.html

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READ BODY LANGUAGE: Join a six-week Skype class on Body Language in 2015 with a small group of motivated people. Your body gives you the feedback about whether you are in control or power. Please email me and let me know if you are interested. The cost will be $300.00.

If I do not answer your email, call me at 215-732-6197.

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Self Esteem Tip: Say Something Nice to Yourself

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Say kind words out loud.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

You are important and you matter.

How many times a day do you say something kind, warm, and encouraging to yourself? Most of you did not learn to say loving, positive, supportive words to yourself because your parents did not model self-loving behavior for you.

You learn how to relate to yourself based on how your parents related to themselves. Even if your parents did their best to be kind to you, you learned to relate to yourself based on the behavior they modeled for you.

My mother was kind to me. However, she yelled mean, nasty things to herself whenever she made a mistake. As a result, I learned to yell mean, nasty things to myself when I made a mistake.

What did you learn from your mother? Father? Teachers?

Unfortunately, self-judgment, self- criticism and self-rejection are universal mental health problems. However, the good news is, since self-judgment is a learned behavior, you can unlearn this unhelpful behavior.

Early in my career, I noticed that I attacked myself viciously when I make a mistake in my professional practice. If I made a mistake about the time of an appointment, I would be mean to myself for over two weeks without any reprise. It was as if I had committed the ultimate sin of all sins and could not be forgiven!

As I brought this unconscious nasty behavior up to my conscious mind, I realized how unhelpful self-judgment was to my well-being, self-confidence, and mental health. Making myself miserable and destroying my self-confidence was not what I wanted to do to myself.

So, I put into practice what I was teaching my clients. I began to be kinder, more understanding and patient with myself when I made a mistake. The ultimate truth is, when you make a mistake, is when you desperately need love not judgment!

Besides, you get much better results when you are kind to yourself than you do when you are mean to yourself. When I was kinder to myself, I was less likely to make mistakes in general because I was more relaxed and comfortable. In addition, I was more fun to be around because I was not making other people wrong and bad all the time when they made a mistake.

Unkind words projected out on others are the natural outcome of self-judgment. If you are being unkind to others or think others are being unkind to you, notice how you are relating to yourself. Your nastiness is occurring in your own head or lurking in your unconscious!

Being unkind is not the same thing as being honest and assertive. Meanness has a very different energy from assertiveness. Highly sensitive people can feel the barbs that come with nasty, attacking energy. Attacks on yourself or others are never justified–no matter what.

So, notice the words you say to yourself.

Bring up your nasty comments to your conscious mind so they do not hurt you anymore. Own your meanness and stop projecting it out on others. Taking responsibility for your thoughts is the only way you can unlearn this unkind way of relating to yourself.

Next, shift into saying kind, positive, and loving words to yourself out loud. This quickly improves your mood, day, and self-confidence. Your cells smile and your whole mind body benefits.

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HEAR KIND WORDS IN YOUR EARS: My comforting voice puts kind, loving words in your head and psyche. Use anytime you want to feel better about yourself and relax. The “Opening the Heart” audio, models for you how to be kinder and more loving toward yourself. Receive comfort and learn to be kinder toward yourself as you take an inner journey into your solar plexus and heart. 3 hours, mp3, CDs, $97.00, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

CLICK TO HEAR THE AUDIO SAMPLE: http://www.drjeanette.com/feelingsweb.mp3

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STOP JUDGMENTAL THOUGHTS: The “Overcome Anxiety Naturally” home study course helps you become conscious of how mean you are being to yourself with awareness exercises. You learn how your attacks on yourself make you anxious. The 10 written lessons models self-loving behavior so you stop being so nasty to yourself. PLUS you get the “Opening the Heart,” “Tame Your Thoughts” and “Break the Grip of Anxiety: An Overview” audio all for $149.97, money-back guaranteed.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

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FALL BONUS: Order the “Overcome Anxiety Naturally” home study course before Sunday, October 5 and get a free audio mp3 worth $29.97. “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment” is a one-hour personal growth tele-seminar worth $29.97. To get free audio you must mention The Vibrant Moment when you check out.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/guiltbuster.html

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Stress Management Tip: Become Emotionally Healthy by Feeling Your Feelings

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Handle Stress Effectively.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Do you want to handle stress with more ease and grace?

Tina Gilbertson, says in her book, Constructive Wallowing, “For all of us, how we deal with our feelings has an impact on how quickly we’re able to bounce back from setbacks large and small.” Sometimes life throws us difficult events. Whether it is a wet basement, fleas on your pets, or a mother nearing the end of her life, you handle these events much more effectively when you handle your feelings in an emotionally healthy fashion.

What is an emotionally healthy fashion?

When you allow yourself to feel your feelings instead of making them wrong or bad, you become emotionally healthy. So, no matter what you feel, “Feel, baby feel!” This emotional health fact, is one of the major reasons Talk Therapy is so limited.

Stress happens often to everyone. When you do not feel good, you do not need to talk about your feelings. Instead, you need someone to teach you how to feel your feelings so you move forward toward the light at the end of the tunnel.

You need to learn how to move through the realities of life without being overwhelmed by the energy of stress. This will help you feel better, and you become an emotionally healthy role model for your children, relatives, and friends.

Therefore, the best use of your time, energy, and money is to learn how to feel your body feelings and emotional feelings as they occur. Do not put your emotional needs on the back burner. Feeling your feelings is the successful way out of any stressful event.

Here is a list of things you can do to help you feel your feelings.

1. Write out your feelings without censorship.
2. Dance how you feel.
3. Take boxing lessons.
4. Take an acting class.
5. Draw how you feel.
6. Listen to music, especially opera.
7. Dress up for Halloween as needed.

It does not matter what you feel, what matters is admitting the truth about HOW you feel. You may feel like the Wicked Witch of the West or the Fairy God Mother. Whether you are the Tin Man without a heart or the Lion without courage, admit the raw truth of how you feel deep down inside.

Let your body tell you the truth about how you feel. Your body knows the truth, it cannot lie. If you stop your bully brain from controlling you, your body automatically reveals how you feel. Let go of control and allow your body to express how you truly feel.

When you admit the truth of how weak you feel deep down inside, a marvelous event occurs. You gain more strength, courage, and emotional health. Tis true. Mother Nature is not a fool.

You must fall down into the deep unconscious of your truths, to rise up to the wonderful person you are.  Try being the person you hate the most for a day and own this part of you. Start planning your Halloween costume based on the part of you, you find distasteful.

What happens when you admit unconscious truths?

You suddenly handle stress more effectively. You do not get stuck in the mess of your own mental judgments making you a bad person. You heal some past wounds. You reach the light at the end of the darkness.

Breaking free, you join the human race. You are no longer better or worse than another.

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BODY FEELINGS: Move forward and become more self-confident. Your body knows how you feel. All you have to do is hear what your body is screaming at you. For better physical, mental, and emotional health stop rejecting and blaming your body. Instead, love your body and let it tell you the truth about how you feel. Study the one-hour audio, “3 Reasons You Have a Body: Hear Your Body Talking.” CD or mp3, $29.97, Money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

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BECOME EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY! Assertiveness Training is often misunderstood. It is an excellent way to feel your feelings and learn how to express your feelings in healthy ways that are not passive or aggressive. Take the home study course, “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” A 31-page manual PLUS over 8 hours of audio coaching with real people and real problems.

Read more and order your Assertiveness Training Course:
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

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Feeling Guilty? Live a Guilt Free Life and Keep Loving, Healthy Relationships

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Say No To Guilt!
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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How often do you find yourself in this situation?

I am using my client, J’s example of guilt, because it is such a typical and difficult situation. Here is the email question I received this morning:

“My cousin, I’ve been close with, married a man a few years ago that I really don’t vibe with. My husband feels similarly. I’m trying to stay close to her without being very involved with him. She also has a young daughter just 6 months younger than my toddler.

They just bought a house and are moving farther away. It’s about 2.5 hrs. They invited us to a housewarming/birthday party.” I declined as politely as possible … trying not to give much reason.

Now my aunt and cousin are dissatisfied and I can feel it strongly. I made the decision because – I don’t really want to go.
– There are many other things I’m trying to focus on.
– I was invited to a friend’s child bday party I want to go to.

I already went way out of my way to sit through the most horrible wedding I’ve ever been too … I don’t want to experience that again and neither does my husband. It’s hard to explain . . .

Now I feel they’re “not happy” with my feelings … and I feel like it’s a lose/lose. If I go I won’t be happy … if I don’t go I’ll feel bad. After all I think *these are family – the people most here for me when my mom was sick. I feel bad. I want them to know I care, but I also want to care about myself.

Give me your wonderful guidance and wisdom please. Already listening to the guilt audio, but I need more specific help.

Thank you!”

What would you do?

This is definitely a guilt trap. By that I mean my client will feel bad, no matter what choice she makes. It is a lose-lose situation. The energy of a guilt trap is sticky, pulls at you, and makes it almost impossible to get out.

J is no push over. She was able to be assertive and say, “No,” the first time around. She has taken the Assertiveness Training home study course, “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence,” studied the self-help audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment,” and has been working with me privately for over a year.

J is clear about her feelings, yet, she is still stuck in the guilt trap. This is what I wrote back: The goal is to get out of the guilt trap and follow your authentic feelings without being passive or aggressive toward the people involved.

Take three deep breaths and intent to be true to yourself. There is no right or wrong answer. There is only your way out of this guilt trap. You want your choice to be the best choice you can make given the situation. You must live with whatever you choose.

If I already had another invitation that I had accepted I would tell my cousin the truth. If it was too far to drive back and forth in a day or night with two small children, I could tell my cousin the truth. If I could set up a fun trip and stay overnight and include the housewarming without feeling resentful, I would.

You want to transform this guilt trap into a win-win by choosing the pathway that creates the least amount of resentment for you. You may feel bad about not pleasing your aunt. You may call yourself, “Selfish and unkind.” That you can live through and transform.

Resentment, on the other hand, eats at you and makes you physically sick. Resentment permanently destroys relationships. Therefore, you want to behave in ways that do not make you physically sick and maintains an honest relationship over the years with your aunt and cousin.

Good luck in following your heart. Be aware of your feelings and reactions as you feel your way through this difficult situation. You can learn what you need to know, so the next guilt trap might not imprison you at all!

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STOP BUILDING UP RESENTMENT: Assertiveness Training is the most effective way to learn how to say no to resentment and requests that are not in your best interest. Take the home study course,“Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” You get a 46-page manual, PLUS six lessons, over eight hours of audio instruction and live coaching with students, $149.97, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

“Thank you Dr. Jeanette for your Assertiveness Training course, I loved it. I learned I was often being aggressive rather than being assertive. The difference is huge, both in regard to my actions and the results I get.” — Kevin from the UK

FREE BONUS: Order the Assertiveness Training home study course above and get the one-hour self-help audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment,” for free. Worth $29.97.
http://www.drjeanette.com/guiltbuster.html

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FEELING GUILTY? The guilt busting audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment,” explains how learned mental judgments create guilt and deliver guilt to others. The session explains the energy of guilt and offers the listener healthy ways to replace guilty behavior with effective communication skills for more loving relationships. One-hour personal growth audio, $29.97. Money back guarantee.

Order the personal growth audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment for $29.97, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/guiltbuster.html

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GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS: Study the eBook, “HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN HEART AND STOP THE HURT: Mend Your Relationship Heartache With Self-Love.” Buy at Amazon for $3.99 http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AO7DU2E

Read more:
http://www.drjeanette.com/mendbrokenheart.html

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Relationship Advice: Trust What Works and Who Shows Up

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Trust What Works.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

Do you trust your intuition?
Do you trust other people?
Do you trust your ego?

Let us explore what is trustable and what is not trustable. You cannot trust something that is not solid, firm and secure. On the other hand you can trust any energy that is solid, firm and secure.

For example, you can trust gravity. Gravity is a law on planet earth and this energy is solid, firm and secure. You will not go flying off into space if you relax, let go, and sink into gravity. Neither will you go flying off into space if you are tense, controlling, and pulling up away from gravity! Gravity holds you securely here whether you trust her or not!

This is the kind of reality I like to put my trust in. I trust what works instead of what does not work. Every day I pay attention to my relationship with gravity. I trust gravity and let my body relax, sink into her, and trust her to protect me and keep me safe. Teaching others how to do the same is the fundamental reason my Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study course is effective.

On the other hand, I do not trust beliefs, theories, thoughts, and words. Beliefs have flimsy, unreliable energy, which are often based on false information. Trusting beliefs results in unsure footing. Your ego is based on false beliefs, rules, shoulds, and should nots. Therefore, your ego is not trustable. Neither is anyone else’s!

What do you trust?

If you do not have something or someone you trust, you are distrustful. Distrustful people have anxiety, depression, paranoia, and other mental health problems. In addition, distrustful people have trouble making love, being open, and vulnerable with other people. Therefore, distrustful people do not have fulfilling and satisfying relationships.

Paranoia is the only mental health problem that my holistic psychology approach has a low success rate in. This is because paranoid people do not trust anything or anyone. To get the help you need in unlearning your past conditioning, you must trust your holistic psychologist. Without some degree of trust, no one can lead you out of the darkness.

Developing trust is essential for good mental health. The more you trust, the happier and healthier you will be. Trust takes you into the moment and into the future where all is well. Trust is the foundation that you stand on to shine and flourish.

My suggestion is to start with one energy you trust. You must find something or someone to completely place your trust in. Nature was the place I started. Trees were easy to trust for me. From there I branched out into many other energies I count on and depend on.

Trust any energy that is solid, firm and secure. Do not trust energy that is flimsy, weak and insecure.

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TRUST YOUR BODY: Your physical body cannot and does not lie. Trust your body and love your body for more self-confidence and better holistic health. Learn how to listen to your body and trust the information it knows that your brain does not know. One-hour tele-seminar, “Hear Your Body Talking,” $29.97, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
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TRUST ASSERTIVENESS: You cannot trust your controlling ego; it will be passive and aggressive. Trust your authentic self to stand up for yourself. Assertiveness Training is the most effective way to become more solid, firm and secure. “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence” is a 46-page manual, PLUS six lessons, over eight hours of audio instruction and coaching, $149.97, guaranteed.

Read more and order:
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“Thank you Dr. Jeanette for your Assertiveness Training course, I loved it. I learned I was often being aggressive rather than being assertive. The difference is huge, both in regard to my actions and the results I get.” — Kevin from the UK

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DEPRESSION HELP: Learn more about depression, how you learned to depress your energy and solutions to being depressed. Listen to the seminar on “Depression: How to Unlearn Your Unhealthy Conditioning and Break Free.” One-hour audio, $29.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
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Depression Help: Holistic Psychology Teaches You to Stop Depressing Energy

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Notice Your Energy Flow.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Do you have the energy you need to enjoy life?
Do you get excited at least once a day?
Do you suffer from depression?

I often talk about anxiety. The reason I pay more attention to anxiety than anything else is because I consider anxiety to be the source problem for mental illness, emotional distress and poor physical health.

When you are anxious you:
1.  Behave in ways that are ineffective in getting what you want.
2.  Experience emotional distress.
2.  Tighten up your physical body, which creates disease.

What About Depression?

Some of you may suffer from depression, have family members who tend to get depressed or find yourself without the energy you need to experience joy and excitement in everyday life. Thus, I thought it would be helpful to directly address depression to give you my holistic psychology point of view.

Depression can be very mild such as when you find yourself bored while living an ordinary and mundane life. Or, depression can be severe enough that you do not want to get out of bed. Traditional psychology views depression and anxiety as separate categories, each with their multiple diagnoses.

As my holistic psychology approach became more energy-based I began to define depression as when you do not move fast enough. Anxiety is when you move too fast. In contrast, the definition of good mental health is when you are moving in your authentic, natural, energy flow.

Your natural energy flow is extremely healthy for your mind and body. When you let your energy flow naturally, you have those vibrant moments I love to share with you. When you move too fast or too slow you block the wonderful, exciting moments of being fully alive in your body and in space.

Depressing your joy, excitement, and exuberance is a form of depression. You may not look as depressed as the person who receives the label depression but you are not fully allowing your energy to flow into joy, excitement, and exuberance.

After years of not being happy with my degree of success helping depressed clients, I added body and energy awareness to my approach. With this new way of teaching clients how to give up depression, one of my severely depressed clients gradually, step by step, stopped depressing her energy.

We were both thrilled. She was having fun, getting into clowning, starting to set up a new private practice, and enjoying sex with her husband. She was no longer depressed. Her real self came out and she was enjoying life.

We both thought depression was no longer a concern. A few weeks before opening her new office, she suddenly slipped back into depression. From one week to the next, she moved out of being alive in her body to being numb and depressed again. I could not understand how she, out of the blue, slipped back to her depressed symptoms and seemed paralyzed once more.

When I discovered she was scared to open her new practice I had the clue I needed. She felt out on a limb. Everything seemed like too much to handle. She was not sure she was adequate to the task so she was suddenly overcome with high anxiety. This is when she immediately slipped back into depression.

Eureka! A light bulb went off in my head. She felt safe when she depressed her energy. She felt afraid when she let her energy flow because she had new challenges, new adventures, and new opportunities where she could mess up. As a result high anxiety hit her in the face.

I had not prepared her enough so that she was able to handle the new level of stress she was facing. Therefore, she used her old coping skill of depressing her energy flow. Anytime, you do not have the proper coping skills you use what you used as a child to cope with life.

This is when I discovered that depression is an avoidance response. People flip-flop back and forth between anxiety and depression because they do not know what else to do. Bi-polar, which used to be manic-depressive disorder, is a common diagnosis psychologists give to people.

With depression and anxiety you are in a catch 22 until you learn how to deal with anxiety effectively. Therefore, the answer to depression and bipolar is to learn how to handle anxiety effectively so that your anxious energy is not bigger than you. You must know how to be effective in new situations and to be self-confident.

With this new way of looking at depression and anxiety I taught my client better coping skills. She learned to be relaxed in more situations and be much more assertive. Then she did not feel overwhelmed with her new adventures. She was able to give up her depression permanently when she knew how to handle her new stress without getting so anxious she could not be effective.

Learn the coping skills you need to feel safe letting your natural energy flow take you into new adventures. The exciting moments of being alive are well worth the investment in yourself.

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BE MORE EFFECTIVE: Assertiveness Training is the most effective way to become more effective! “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence” is a 46-page manual, PLUS six lessons, over eight hours of audio instruction and coaching, $149.97, guaranteed.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/assertivenesstrainingcourse.html

“Thank you Dr. Jeanette for your Assertiveness Training course, I loved it. I learned I was often being aggressive rather than being assertive. The difference is huge, both in regard to my actions and the results I get.” — Kevin from the UK

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LEARN TO COPE WITH STRESS: Take the original, well-crafted “Overcome Anxiety Naturally” home study course. Leads you step by step into body awareness and relaxation. Learn how to tame your inner critics, breathe, feel your emotions, and have more fun. Improves self-confidence. 10 written lessons, 5 hours of self-help audio, money back guarantee, $149.97.

Read more and order:
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DEPRESSION HELP: Learn more about depression, how you learned to depress your energy and solutions to being depressed. Listen to the seminar on “Depression: How to Unlearn Your Unhealthy Conditioning and Break Free.” One-hour audio, $29.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/depressionaudio.html

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Please share the holistic psychology information at http://www.drjeanette.com with anyone who is interested in learning to be happy, healthy, and effective.

Self Esteem Tip: Self Confidence is Based on Reality, Not What You Think!

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Get Honest Feedback
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

====================

Do you see yourself realistically?

Last night I was pondering one of my teachers’ writings, teachings, and behaviors. I love him and that is the reason I choose him to be my teacher. I resonate with him. This means my vibration is similar to his vibration.

However, he made a comment in his book about how warm and fuzzy he was. Since I have spent time with him in person I was surprised to hear him say he was warm and fuzzy. I did not find him to be huggable. I checked with a friend who attended his workshop and she did not find him to be warm and fuzzy either.

We all have blind spots and these blind spots can appear to be ridiculous to others. So, I wondered about myself. How realistically do I see myself? I think I am warm and fuzzy, am I? Given the number of people who say I give good hugs and ask for more, huggable has a high probability of being correct for me.

To be huggable all the time would not be authentic. When under stress we respond to the stressful stimuli with either anxiety or solutions. So, give yourself and others room to be the full range of human at all times.

Nevertheless, I am intrigued about what others see in me that I do not see. I still thank my post-doc supervisor, Joseph Wolfe, M.D. who asked me, in his charming South African accent, “And exactly what was the reason you said that to your male client at that point in the interview, Dr. Keller?” I was stunted, I had no clinical or scientific reason.

I was Dr. Doris Jeanette Keller at the time and Dr. Wolpe’s comments sent me into a deep depression, feeling criticized, attacked, and inadequate. Thankfully, I looked underneath my defensive reaction to discover I was criticizing myself for being a terrible therapist. Joe’s honest feedback helped me become more realistic about myself as a beginning therapist. He was after all, teaching me how to be a better therapist.

Then there was the bass jazz player who sent me crying all the way home through Rittenhouse Square one cold, late night in Philadelphia. His simple words, “You have a chip on your shoulder,” wounded me to the core and helped eliminate another blind spot.

You cannot be self-confident if you are unrealistic about yourself. If you do not stand on solid ground, you are insecure, weak, and scared. A self-confident person knows her strengths and weaknesses. Self-confident people have no reason to defend against the truth.

My teacher’s blind spot has inspired me to make a conscious effort to see more of my blind spots this week. How about joining me in my personal growth adventure? Use feedback, energy flow, and behavior to help you become more realistic.

Self-confidence Building Tips:
1.    Notice the non-verbal feedback you get from others
2.    Listen to verbal feedback and notice your reaction
3.    Do not assume someone is criticizing you
4.    Look at yourself in mirrors and in glass panes
5.    Be self-accepting when you see tension
6.    Be self-accepting when you notice judgments

What I am suggesting you do requires moving pass the first major turning point in personal growth. Some fall back at this point and do not move forward. They do not want to see themselves realistically.

Here is a secret power tool to help you be successful making the cut. I call this the First Trick in Transformation: Do not judge that which you find. You will enjoy the process of discovering new blind spots if you do not make yourself wrong or bad about the truths you discover.

Instead, relax, let go,  and trust the process of transformation to take you to a new level of self-confidence.

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LEARN MORE ABOUT TRANSFORMATION:  Study the emotional health audio, Opening the Heart, on a daily basis. Includes information about the First Trick in Transformation and helps you stay with yourself though the different stages of personal growth. Delivered in a lullaby sounding voice that is comforting to the heart, body, and soul. 3 hours of self-help audio, $97.00, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
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Order before Saturday, May 32 and receive the written transcript worth $19.97 for free.

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USE BODY LANGUAGE FEEDBACK: Your body cannot lie and it reveals the truth about you. Become more aware of your body language. Use body feedback to be realistic so your self-esteem improves. Study “Hear Your Body Talking.” One-hour audio, $29.97, guaranteed.

Read more and order:
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