Personal Growth Tip: Relax, Be Authentic and Assertive

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This is me enjoying a giant cornucopia in the Philadelphia countryside. I am a little crooked.



The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Be Authentic.

Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach


Do you know the difference between your learned behavior and your authentic behavior?

As a lowly human being, you must learn a great deal of information to survive on planet Earth. You have to use your learned behavior many times a day in order to get through your necessary chores and routines. Otherwise, society could reject you, imprison you and declare you insane.

Unfortunately, your high degree of learned behavior also means you are easy to control. For example, yesterday I had to stand in a long line at a pharmacy and once I got to the counter, I was told I had to sit down and wait for my name to be called and get back in the long line.

Do you wait in long lines at the bank or post office? Do you pay a lot of money to physicians and hospitals without questioning the health advice they give you and how they treat you? Do you let therapists and partners define you?

I did not sit down when I was told to sit down. I walked around the store feeling what I really wanted to do. Given the reality of the situation, I decided I was not going to wait any longer. So, I walked up to the man who told me to sit down and asked him for other options. After considering each one, one of them was better than waiting. Therefore, I told him I would come back after they called me to tell me everything was ready.

If you follow instructions without considering what your authentic self needs and wants, you are controlled. When you are controlled, you become weak and sick and miserable. As a holistic psychologist, I know the source problem of anxiety, depression and other mental illness is from years of not turning to your authentic self for healthy, effective answers and solutions.

The reason you do not listen to your authentic self is because your parents taught you to be scared of so many things that are not really scary or dangerous. This is the definition of anxiety. Anxiety is being scared of things that are not really scary or dangerous. Real fear is when you are afraid of things that are really dangerous.

Anxiety is nothing weird or unusual. It is learned behavior that is maladaptive. Maladaptive means that it hurts you and does not help you. Anxiety keeps you from being self-confident, physically healthy and emotionally happy.

Your parents taught you to be scared of many, many things, people and situations that are not really dangerous or scary. It is not dangerous to stop waiting in long lines or reject the health advice of a physician or say no to your partner. As a matter of fact, you will be respected and valued much more when you are authentic because you are strong, self-confidence and sturdy.

Thank goodness you can unlearn any learned behavior that is not helpful for you. You are not stuck with your conditioning forever and ever. You can learn how to turn to your authentic self for vital energy, strength and courage any time of the day in any situation. Then your ineffective behaviors will become effective and powerful.

You just need to know the difference between what you learned and who you are so you can move rapidly toward holistic health and enjoy lots more vibrant moments. Otherwise you are confused, controlled and stuck.

Please share your comments about relaxing and being yourself below.


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BE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS: You have to be authentic before you can make love with another person. Making love is fun and playful. If you are a man who wants to improve your love making skills, take the home study course, “For Men: Become a Better Lover.” You need to love and be loved. 10 written lessons and 7 hours of audio, $199.97.

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