Relationship Advice: The Definition of a Healthy Relationship

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Relate With Awareness.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach


A reader asks, “How do people in a healthy relationship relate?”

Fantastic relationship question. First, let me define a healthy relationship. It is NOT people who stay together for a long time. The length of time you have been together is no indication of radiant holistic health, vibrant moments, and solid self-esteem. Often, the longest relationships are full of low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

Being nice to the other person, as many traditional psychologists endorse, is not necessarily healthy. Pleasing the other person is often a way to avoid the essential conflict that leads to personal growth for both people. Constant conflict is not helpful either because there is not enough shared love to make the relationship worth the effort.

My definition of a healthy relationship is one in which you have the ability to grow and flourish as a self-actualized human being. Of course, even in a healthy relationship there will be times when the other person controls you. However, when you are controlled, you take the appropriate action steps that help you achieve the necessary personal growth so the other person no longer controls you.

Relationships help you grow stronger, happier, and wiser. In a healthy relationship you are committed to working on your past unhealthy learning experiences. You take responsibility for your projections and remove these false beliefs so you can see and relate to the other person instead of to your false beliefs.

Just saying you are sorry is not enough. You must also consciously work on unlearning your unhealthy past relationship patterns instead of continuing to repeat these ineffective conditioned responses over and over again. This means you are in a state of constantly learning new, different ways to relate which are more effective and empowering for you.

The bottom line is healthy people in healthy relationships relate equally to each other. The more often equal interactions occur, the healthier the relationship. In a healthy relationship you feel equal to the other person and he or she feels equal to you. You relate in an assertive way instead of controlling or care-taking the other person.

When you relate equally to the other person you automatically experience love energy moving back and forth between you. Contrast this assertive relationship model with the role models that your mother and father taught you. Most of us grew up with unhealthy care-taking role models where controlling behaviors existed instead of equality.

Take a look at all your relationships and see which ones are equal and which ones could use a major shift toward something new, exciting, and assertive.


LEARN NEW BEHAVIORS: See yourself getting what you want and feeling good about yourself. Standing up for yourself is mandatory if you want a healthy relationship. Being able to speak your truth to your partner, mother, son, and friend make for healthy relationships. If you do not have access to an Assertiveness Training class, take the home study course, “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” 46 pages, nine hours of live role playing and coaching audio, $149.97.

Order an affordable Assertiveness Training home study course taught by an expert Assertiveness Training teacher. Just reading the 46-page manual will help you become more assertive or get your money back. No questions asked.

Read more and order: “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.”

“Thank you Dr. Jeanette for your Assertiveness Training course, Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence. I loved it. I learned that I was often being aggressive or passive or passive-aggressive rather than being assertive. Now I know the difference. The difference is huge, both in regard to my actions and the results I get.” — Kevin from the UK


TOO GUILTY TO BE ASSERTIVE? Without guilt you feel equal to others. Often guilt is what stops you from being assertive and standing up for yourself. Get rid of guilt. Never make any decision based on guilt. Learn from the one-hour tele-seminar audio, “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment” how to say goodbye to guilt. Order as CD or mp3, only $29.97, Money-back guarantee.

Read more and order: Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment.”


ENERGY RETREAT: Invite me to your hometown or come to Center City, Philadelphia for an Energy Retreat. Two days of intensive mind-body-spirit experiences that make you more aware of your energy so you know how to create stronger, healthier, and more vital energy. Individual and couple retreats available. Improve your physical, emotional, and mental health during June, July, and August. There is also a Professional Energy Retreat for practitioners if you want to add energy awareness to your holistic psychology practice. Starting at $1,999.99.

Read Option #2:

Email me if interested to learn more and set up dates.