The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Heal Emotional Wounds.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
A reader is interested in “Unlearning trauma imprints and rerouting and reprogramming the cognitive, reactive groove in your thinking. For instance, past panic attacks have been traumatic thinking I’m “going crazy,” going to faint, catastrophic thinking etc. Now whenever I have high anxiety, I have the same repetitive thoughts even though I don’t believe them anymore. It’s an old groove that I wish to reprogram.”
To successfully unlearn anything you must be certain there is no real danger involved. It would be dangerous to condition yourself to be fearless when there are so many real dangers in the world. Therefore, you must be absolutely certain, at all times, that you are emotionally safe and physically secure.
In the situation above, during an anxiety attack, you are experiencing high anxiety and repetitive thoughts. A part of you is scared and does not feel safe. You are trying to solve your anxiety problem by using your brain and it’s new, positive beliefs. This does not work.
To be effective, you must find the solution hiding out in your heart and body. “What is your emotional self really afraid of? What is her reality? What does she need from you?” It does not matter what you believe or think.
Beliefs do not help you. For example, consider the people who ran to the roof in the World Trade Center during the attacks of 9/11. Due to the in-house, safety trainings they believed they would be saved if they reached the roof. However, all of them died because there were no helicopters on the roof to save them because there was no roof to land on.
If you want to be safe, never, never trust your beliefs. They could be right or wrong at any moment in time. Rules, beliefs, and even what has happened to you in the past will not keep you safe. Your emotional self is smarter and wiser than you are so you need to listen to her and follow her for guidance. Your little girl, who is afraid, is in touch with her body, feelings, emotions, instincts, intuition, and wounds.
Since 1976 I have successfully helped women and men unlearn their habitual knee jerk reactions in life situations due to sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. To be successful you must heal the original wound completely and totally. You cannot heal emotional wounds sort of, partially, or almost. You have to heal your original trauma so the wound is no longer a gaping hole.
Often therapists and clients who do inner child work do not complete the job. For your emotional wounds to be healed you must know what is scary in the original situation, this is your real fear. There could be several traumatic situations and real fears that need to be healed. You must deal with any real fear until the fear is no longer scary.
In addition, you must know how to protect yourself and take care of yourself now, and in the future, concerning your fears. This means you need to get additional training, therapy, education, and practice in taking care of yourself in new and different ways. Until these skills are securely in place, and able to protect you, you are not emotionally safe and physically secure.
If the adult part of you does not have a solid, loving, daily relationship with your emotional self there is no reason your inner child would feel safe and secure. You cannot fool her into thinking she is safe and secure with any belief, information or advice. If you do not have the courage, strength and necessary skills to protect her, she is not safe and secure.
Your inner child can feel you and he knows when you are able and willing to protect him and keep him safe and secure. He also knows when you will betray, judge, neglect, and ignore him. Your emotional self is the one you must find, love, and follow in order to heal your wounds.
Therefore, I suspect that your emotional self knows she is not safe because your authentic self is not taking care of her and protecting her from her real fears. Look and see how your judgmental self is relating to your little girl, who is scared, right this minute.
To be successful in overcoming anxiety naturally you must be able to take care of yourself now and in the future when you become afraid. You must learn new ways to protect your little girl before she can relax and feel emotionally safe and physically secure.
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