Relationship Advice: Give Heart to Heart, Loving Feedback

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Give Positive Feedback.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
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My friend, Lynn Gaertner-Johnson recommends in her new book, Business Writing with Heart, that if you want better relationships with people you need to give them “powerful, positive feedback.” Lynn is addressing the business community, but the same principles apply in your loving relationships.

This means if you want to improve your relationships with your partner and friends, add more “powerful, positive feedback” to your interactions. Do not give some whiny compliment and thank you. No, you need to use enough positive energy to pack a punch and make a difference.

Your feedback needs to shine, glow and radiate so it is felt, received and enjoyed. Your positive feedback can be written, spoken or non-verbal. Some people need words, but non-verbal feedback works just fine for those highly sensitive people in your life. The important factor is the quality and amount of energy that you give to your lover or your new friend.

When you give powerful, positive feedback, you experience a healthy glow from the wonderful energy you have given. After all, it is your heart that is giving. Therefore, your heart reaps the rewards, just as much, if not more, than the other person.

The amount of energy sent from your heart to another’s heart is what strengthens the relationship and makes it more enjoyable. Some of you may be able to feel the heart to heart energy connection between you and others. If so, please tell me about it.

The bottom-line, which I love to call the heart-line, is: We all need positive feedback in order to grow and prosper. Positive feedback is a form of love. However, most of us do not get enough of this precious commodity. Do you sometimes feel love-deprived?

If so, you do not have to continue to be love deprived. Like most things in the real, natural world, there is order to the madness. You have within you the ability and the voltage to start a powerful, positive energy stream in your life. You can get a river of powerful, positive feedback energy started and you can keep it flowing.

If you want more positive feedback from others, give more positive feedback to others. If you want more love, take an honest look at how much love you are dishing out. Are you being stingy with love? Do you feel uncomfortable giving love to others? Many people do.

If you are not getting positive results when you give positive feedback, consider the possibility that the energy you are giving to others is not love. You may think it is love, but it is not love. You could be giving approval, praise or some other pulley, pushy energy.

Be honest with yourself. Take a look and see if your feedback is coming from your brain or your heart. Clean up your feedback so it is truly heart based. You will get positive results when your feedback is pure, clean, and honest.  Love is pure, clean, and honest; approval is not.

Lynn also encourages her readers to be specific when giving powerful, positive feedback. This is an excellent reminder that assertive behavior is specific. When you are being assertive you send a clear and effective message to the other person. The more specific you are, the better.

Therefore, don’t just say, “I like you.” Instead, say, “I like spending time with you because you listen to what I am saying and empathize with me. I feel so much better because I feel heard. Thank you for being my friend.”

Powerful, positive feedback delivered with loving energy from your heart cements your relationships so that they are more intimate. You and your partner develop a genuine sense of closeness based on solid facts you can feel and trust. When you feel close to others, you relax and enjoy being yourself in the moment.


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