How to Improve Your Self Confidence and Self Esteem

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Self-Confidence is Sincere
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Transformational Coach, Mentor


I was discussing with some of my family members recently what self-confidence is and how to get more of it. So I thought I would put into writing what I have learned about self-esteem.

Self-confidence is based in reality. This means you cannot fake it. You can try to fake it, but those in the know are not fooled for long. The reason you cannot fake self-confidence is because your body simply does not have the ability to lie. So, no matter what you do to hide the truth, your physical form reveals the truth about how you feel about yourself.

Sure, you can puff out your chest and act self-confident. However, anyone who reads body language and feels energy knows you are acting superior. Also, if you have studied psychology, you know that arrogant behavior is due to low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is the reason people act arrogant and helpless. “Act” is the key word here.

In the physical world outside of you, you are not better or worse than another. Your ego tries to convince you that you are special or worthless. This is inaccurate. To be special or worthless you have to be separate from reality. Your true self is not a separate identity hanging out in space, disconnected from Mother Earth, your body and the cosmos. To be separate is to be crazy.

If you believe the mental delusions that you are special or worthless, you create mental diseases. Mental diseases are delusions about the true self. Neither superior or inferior ego states are authentic aspects of your true self. Self-confidence cannot be achieved by being inauthentic.

Self-confidence is based on real facts and solid matter. Your feet must be standing on solid ground with gravity pulling down on your physical form to anchor you into the earth. You must be sincere and honest about who you really are. You are born with plenty of self-confidence but the adults in your world quickly conditioned your good feelings about yourself into bad feelings about yourself.

Therefore, all of us have to unlearn the negative things we learned about ourselves from outside sources. Then we have to relearn the truth about ourselves. We do this by feeling and trusting that which is real. To help you get more in touch with reality, name three positive qualities that you possess. Then name three unpleasant qualities about yourself.

Being honest with both answers helps you become less defensive and more realistic. This is the beginning of genuine self-confidence. Next, you need to become less judgmental of the real you. So take note of any snide remarks against yourself what come to your conscious mind.


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