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Jenna enjoying Guilt Free Living in the Grand Tetons, October 2015, photo by Doris Jeanette
The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Take Care of Yourself.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Do you take care of yourself?
Do you take care of others?
During this holiday season when families get together, unhealthy relationship dynamics often block the love, fun, and joy.
This is because you learned to take care of others and you did not learn how to take care of yourself. One of the most important relationship dynamics that I teach new therapists, my mentees, and clients is how to master the vicious victim cycle that destroys loving relationships.
If there is one single thing you could teach your child that would improve her self-esteem immediately, it would be how to take care of herself. If you want healthy relationships, you do not want to teach your son or niece to take care of you because he will resent you, find you to be a burden, and not enjoy your company.
When you teach a child to take care of you, you are teaching her to feel guilty and bad about her own needs and desires. If you want healthy, strong, equal, loving relationships you must respect and relate equally to the other person. This applies to all your relationships.
Beginning therapists struggle with learning how to be helpful and loving toward a client without feeling sorry for him or rescuing him. When you try to save another person you are not taking care of yourself and you have what psychologists call the Messiah Complex.
In recovery circles, rescuing another person is called “enabling” the person who is addicted. You are helping the drug, sex, or food addict stay a victim because you are doing for him what he must do for himself. Only he can step out of the victim role, take responsibility for himself, and learn what he needs to learn to take care of himself.
Unfortunately, getting out of the vicious victim cycle is not easy for therapists or clients. The conditioned responses are in your autonomic nervous system and in the lining of your stomach. You learned to feel guilty and bad when you abandon taking care of others and begin to take care of yourself. This creates an unhealthy lose-lose guilt trap.
You must unlearn this lose-lose relationship response and replace it with a healthy win-win way of relating to others. However, you were not born knowing how to take care of yourself. You have to learn many new social, communication, and assertive relationship skills in order to take care of yourself.
Get the assertive education you need now by taking the appropriate action steps before the end of the year. Then, relax and feel good about yourself, knowing you will reap the rewards of your guilt free living education in time for the 2016 winter holiday season.
TAKE AN ASSERTIVENESS TRAING COURSE IMMEDIATELY: If you do not have access to Assertiveness Training in your community, take the home study course, “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” To enjoy equal, healthy, loving relationships, you must learn how to be assertive with others. Just the act of reading this holistic psychology Assertiveness Training manual helps you to be more effective with others. Fourty-seven page manual PLUS over eight hours of teaching audio with live students and coaching, gives you the information, tools, and support you need to say goodbye to guilt, $149.97, money-back guarantee.
Read more and order “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.”
LIVE A GUILT-FREE LIFE: Guilt is unhealthy for children and other living things. Get rid of guilt so you are not resentful and trapped in unhealthy lose-lose interactions. Listen to this guilt-free living audio over and over again to help you stop guilt from ruining your life. Learn how to stay out of guilt traps in this one-hour self-help audio: “Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment.” $29.97, mp3 or CDs. Money-back guarantee.
Read more and order: Guilt Free Living Help audio