Relationship Advice: Get Rigidity Out of Your Body and Mind

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: It Could Be You.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Live at the Edge:


Walking up to my house, eager to get out of the cold, a 60ish looking man called out to me, “Hello Doris.” His energy stopped me as I was unlocking my door. I turned around to see an old, weathered man standing on the sidewalk I did not recognize. Yet, he knew me. Obviously, he wanted to talk, so I moved closer to see who he was.

When he started to speak again, I recognized him immediately as a man I did know who is in his fifties. About 10 years ago a friend of mine divorced him. He had always been friendly toward me, so I wanted to be as patient and loving as I could be.

However, let’s call him “Ralph,” has always been one of those people I am eager to get away from.  I have a visceral response of wanting to move away as fast as possible. Nevertheless, I was friendly with him because I could feel his need to connect. Our conservation quickly revealed that he has not talked to his son since the divorce. His emotional pain was palpable.

“Reach out to your son, you reach out to him, “I said in my motherly southern accent, as I headed toward my door because I was cold. He immediately talked about how crazy the family was and on and on. I said a few more times, “You are the adult, reach out to your son.” Finally, I said with complete honesty and heart felt compassion, “Give up your rigidity. Give up being right, give in. Give up your rigidity.”

I wished him well as I turned and went into my warm house and closed the door. His rigidity is what makes me want to get away from him. His rigidity is what makes his son not want to talk to him. His rigidity is what stops people from snuggling up with him. As a result, he is isolated, lonely and aging quickly.

My rigidity is what makes people want to get away from me. Your rigidity is what makes others want to get away from you. Take a look in the mirror. Feel your body. Where is the tension in your body? Trust me, you have some. Each week my massage therapist finds new spots and keeps working on the chronic painful areas.

You may not be as isolated as this lonely man but you are probably pushing people away without knowing that is what you are doing. Pay attention to when others consistently do not move closer to you. It could have something to do with you and your rigidity.

After you to get to know your rigidity, which is any sort of tension in your body, take responsibility for your ego persona. Label it; give it a name so you can talk about your false self with others. Mine is called Dr. Tightass. I know it is hard to see your rigidity but it is even harder to keep it. Rigid mind, bodies, and energy make you sick, lonely, and isolated.

Without your mental judgments you are soft, warm, and inviting. People move close and want to stay awhile.


PRACTICE BEING SOFT ON MAY 3: Come to Cape May, NJ Nature Workshop. Learn to let go of your rigidity, your mental judgments. Play with the dolphins, get hands-on practice feeling energy, and learn how to keep your vital energy grounded. All day, limited to 12 people, $200.00.

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YOU ARE LOVABLE: Private sessions are available on the phone or Skype to help you feel safe enough to be open. When others see who you really are, they come to you want to snuggle up with you. Order your private session for $200.00 before April 15 and get a free set of Opening the Heart mp3s worth $97.00.

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