Relationship Advice: Expose Self Pity to Find Assertive Behavior

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Face the Truth.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach

Continuing our pursuit of happiness, we are on a mission to discover if and when we are whining.

Last week you learned that it is essential to notice process and not content if you want to know the psychological truth of anything. Otherwise you are fooled by the words that are inside your head or being said by others.

You also learned that it is better to whine when you feel like whining than it is to depress, repress and deny your whining.  Here is last week’s free holistic psychology article if you have not read it.

I also promised to give you a clear definition of whining and healthy emotional expression this week so you know for sure if you are whining or not.

Huge Difference Between Whining and Emotional Expression

Definition of Whining

Whining is a high-pitched, out of control behavior that keeps you stuck in the victim role. Whining occurs when you feel helpless, hopeless, weak and miserable.  Your energy goes around and around in a circle repeating itself. You hear and say the same words, notes and tones over and over again.

When you whine, you are stuck. This means you do not move forward into positive or healthy energy.   You are in a psychological place that is similar to what physicists call a black hole.  You are stuck in a bottomless pit that is sucking energy from the outside in toward you. Your energy is black, dark, dense, grey, heavy and unhealthy.

Whining is only one of many ways that you feel sorry for yourself.  You also complain, blame, criticize and hide behind the “poor me” image.

I felt sorry for myself for years and my talk therapist never once mentioned this behavior to me. Therefore, I never stopped feeling sorry for myself because I did not know that I was feeling sorry for myself.

Definition of Healthy Emotional Expression

Healthy emotional expression is revealing the truth about how you feel emotionally. Emotional expression is not out of control or unconscious.  You are aware of your body and physical surroundings as you express your emotions and feelings.

As soon as you begin to express how you feel, your emotional state changes and shifts.  You are not stuck in the victim role.  Instead, as you continue to express your real emotions, you move forward so that you experience emotional relief.  You are more aware and alive.

Not only do you feel better when you express your emotions, you have more energy.  Emotional expression immediately adds vital energy to your body and energy field. Naturally, this makes you physically stronger.  Your energy is moving outward and you are not pulling energy toward you into a bottomless pit.

Your energy is colorful, moving, lighter and healthy. Different tones and pitches occur as you continue to express yourself through your natural process until the emotional issue is resolved. Then you feel emotionally stronger and more self-confident.

Notice When You Feel Sorry for Yourself

Awareness is the first step in transformation and successful personal growth. No one likes to admit we are feeling sorry for ourselves; it is just so uncool.

Nevertheless, everyone on the planet feels sorry for themselves from time to time. We learned it from our parents, religions and cultures.

Therefore, do not waste money, time and energy trying to keep the fact that you feel sorry for yourself in your unconscious.  Do not depress, repress or deny your whining.  The consequences of keeping your whining behavior in your unconscious are:

Are unhappy and do not know the reason why.
Are unsatisfied in your relationships with others.
Feel like others do not love you.
Feel like others do not understand you.
Feel alone and isolated.
Think you are better than others.
Think you are worse than others.
Think everyone else is the problem and not you.

Finally, I left talk therapy and began to pay attention to process, my body and energy.  Soon, I noticed that I repeated the same behavior over and over again and this behavior did not bear fruit.

It dawned on me, while sitting in a comfortable chair in my living room, that I was feeling sorry for myself. Oh horrors of horrors! Reading energy, I discovered I was stuck in a black hole feeling sorry for myself and there I was going to stay until I learned a more effective way to get what I needed and wanted.

This awareness turned into an amazing relief.  At last I knew something I was doing that I could actually change.


LEARN TO EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS: The 3 hour audio emotional guide, Opening the Heart, takes you into your heart so you find, accept and express your authentic emotions.  You learn the different energies and how to keep moving so you do not get stuck in feeling sorry for yourself. Oh, horrors of horrors! $97.00, money back guarantee.

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NEED HELP EXPRESSING?  Get the instructions, support and practice you need in being more assertive at the fall Nature Workshop.  Effective behavior is the most valuable gift you can give yourself if you want to be happy, strong and healthy. Near NYC and Philadelphia in the lovely colored trees.  Oct. 12, $200.00. Limited to 12 people to ensure you get what you need.

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