Relationship Advice: Give Up Heartaches With Relaxation, Letting Go and Feeling

Let go and be

The Vibrant Moment – Holistic Health Tip: Breath and let go.
From the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach

Defensiveness is the biggest psychological challenge that clients and therapists must face and overcome if they want to get positive results.  Overcoming defensiveness, in either the psychologist or their client, determines the results. There is a high probability that the psychologist will lose the client if they continue to be defensive and the client will lose the therapist if they continue to be defensive.

You can apply this same defensive challenge to all your relationships. Successful personal growth depends on being aware of when you are defensive and being able to let go and give up your defensiveness. If you let go of your defensiveness your relationships with others will dramatically improve.  If you cannot, you will become weaker and more isolated.

The problem is, it is very hard to tell when you are being defensive. It is easier to tell when others are being defensive. Yet, when your partner or friend accuses you of being defensive, you are not sure if you are or are not being defensive. And who started it first anyway?  Was it them or you? This is the nitty gritty of relationships and it drives all of us apart.

My psychotherapist had a hard time helping me become aware of my defensiveness with regular talk therapy. I just didn’t get it. The first thing I was able to become aware of was that I would think about something my therapist said to me over and over again.  I would repeat and replay the conversation explaining myself to her as I walked around Center City, Philadelphia.  Finally I got it.  What I was doing when I replayed our conversation was defending myself to her in my mind.

Later, when I began to use body awareness with my clients, it was easier and faster to teach them how to tell when they were being defensive. This was because defensiveness feels very different in your body. As a matter of fact, when you are defensive, you have no body feelings. You are in your head thinking instead of feeling.

Later, when I began to use energy awareness with my clients I was able to help them identify defensive energy by paying attention to some of these qualities.

Defensive Energy is:

I am sure you can add more items to this list.  How do you know when you are being defensive? How do you know when someone else is being defensive?

Thoughts? Feelings? Questions? Please post your comments below.


FEEL YOUR BODY: The one-hour personal growth audio “Hear Your Body Talking” explains the three reasons you have a body. You also learn how to live in your body so you can feel your body energy and give up your defensiveness. This will help you hold your ground and feel secure. $29.97, money back guarantee.

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SPECIAL OFFER: Order “Hear Your Body Talking” by Monday, Oct. 1 and get a free audio, “Introduction to Body Language, ” a one hour personal growth audio worth $47.00.  Mention The Vibrant Moment in the instructions box to get free audio.


FEEL YOUR DEFENSIVE ENERGY: Come to the forest near NYC and Philadelphia and begin or improve your ability to sense, feel and read human energy. Limited to 12 people so you get special personal growth attention underneath the colorful fall trees. Transformational work, not psychotherapy. Saturday, Oct 20, 2012. All day, $200.00.

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If you have any questions or concerns call 215-732-6197
or shoot me an email.


INTERESTED IN BODY LANGUAGE? Email me if you are interested in joining a four-week tele-class in body language in November. Cost will be $197.00, Tell me what times you have available.


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