The Definition of Ego by a Holistic Psychologist

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Get to Know Your Ego.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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What is this “identity” I call ego? The current definition of ego has evolved since Freud first labeled the ego, super ego, and id. Since then, years of scientific research have successfully explained the details of how we learn and unlearn behaviors, thoughts, and ideas.

As a result, the true nature of the ego is becoming clearer and more obvious. There is a huge difference in who you are and what you learned. Psychologists cannot help you change who you are, we can help you unlearn things you learned that are not helpful to you.

Thus, your ego is the part of you that you learned; it is not your innate self. Of course, you learned millions of helpful things from your parents as well as quite a few unhelpful things. Therein lies the reason you must examine what you have learned in your conscious mind so you can make sound decisions about what you want to unlearn.

As a holistic psychologist, I do not like psychiatrist labels and psychobabble. Therefore, I define the ego in terms of energy. You can learn how to feel, sense, and know the different energies and how they feel in your body. This knowledge, if used, can put the real you in the driver’s seat, replacing your ego.

Your ego is that wall of dense energy you can feel around you from time to time when you feel misunderstood and alone. This wall is located around your authentic, flowing self and is trying to protect you from outside hurts and pain. You created this persona. It is composed of learned behaviors, automatic reactions, conditioned responses, and false beliefs that control and define your “reality.”

When you are in your ego you are not directly experiencing reality. When you do not directly experience reality, you are defensive, rigid, weak, flat, isolated, anxious, helpless, and ineffective. Even the best crafted egos, which we can call your Mr. or Ms. Perfect are weak and make you sickly.

If you want to achieve holistic health, you must separate from your ego which is composed of dense, stagnant, dark, heavy energy and choose to live in your authentic self, which is composed of strong, loving, effective, and vital energy. The choice you make is, truly — a matter of life and death.

Practice sensing your own ego and name it so you can tame it. My Dr. Tight-ass is not a warm, fuzzy lover of humanity. Your Ms. Never Satisfied is not either!

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FEEL YOUR EGO VS. YOURSELF: Learn how to feel your controlling ego in your body so you effectively unlearn all that brainwashing stuff that makes you feel bad all over. The first half hour of the Opening the Heart audio series explains the energy difference in your ego vs. your authentic self so you get the hang of how your ego feels. Three hours of comforting, relaxing audio on feelings, fear, and hurt for $97.00, money-back guarantee.

Order “Opening the Heart” audio to transform your ego energy into more vibrant moments.
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

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ALREADY OWN OPENING THE HEART? Your body does not lie and helps you recognize when you and others are in ego energy. Feel more self-confident. Never be unsure again about the other person’s energy. Learn to read body language. Start with your body and discover the truth. Order “3 Reasons You Have a Body: Hear Your Body Talking” and feel your power, which is your energy. One-hour tele seminar, $29.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order “3 Reasons You Have a Body: Hear Your Body Talking:” http://www.drjeanette.com/hearyourbody.html

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How to Improve Your Mental Health with Mind Body Therapy

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Words affect matter.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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We are rethinking the way psychologists use the word judgment and honoring the power of words.

A psychological study revealed that a shocking 90% of the thoughts in university student’s heads were attacking words against themselves. Just imagine if you do not already know, how many attacking thoughts live in your head!

Just as a beginning therapist must learn to listen to the words their clients say, you need to learn to listen to the words you say so you know where you are stuck. Your attacking thoughts are one of the primary factors that generate the static energy that becomes anxiety in your nervous system.

A Japanese researcher, Masaru Emoto, did hundreds of experiments where he photographed the damaging physical effects that nasty, mean words have on water and the beautiful effects that loving, kind words have on water. What do your words do to your nervous system and body?

Words are not magical, they affect matter because of the energy in, of, and around the words. Take this to heart, the words you say to yourself and others dramatically affects your matter and the matter around you.

To be happy and healthy, you need to be conscious of the words you think and say. The words you use can be against you or for you. If judgment is not the correct word to use for negative “shoulds” and “should nots,” what do we call the self-righteous, high and mighty thoughts you learned from your parents, religions, and governments?

Your parents used certain words to shame you. Guilt-trip you. Inhibit you. Make you “do the right thing.” These words are in your head now and you say them to yourself. These words of right and wrong, good and bad, bundled together, over time, became false beliefs.

Such as:
Work is better than play.
Suffering is superior to pleasure.
Jews are better than gentiles.
Baptists are better than sinners.
Men are superior women.
Whites are better than blacks.
Adults are wiser than children.

Words change, just like people. The word judgment lost it’s “e” during the course of my long career. This happened while psychologists were discovering how to help clients stop their brutal, constant self-judgments that make them nervous, ineffective, and anxious.

New words come into the language and old ones leave. What word can we use to describe these inner nasty words you use against yourself that are unconscious until you make them conscious?

If judgment is not the correct word, maybe it is time for a new word. The Beatles called nasty words the “Blue Meanies.” Let me know what you think and feel.

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WHAT YOU ARE THINKING? The people who already know the nasty words in their head are ahead of those still unconscious of this attacking energy, which makes you feel bad, anxious, and insecure. Become conscious of your thoughts so you get rid of all the nasty ones. The Overcome Anxiety Naturally home study course leads you into positive, self-talk so you move forward instead of staying stuck in negative self-talk. Ten written lessons, five hours of audio, $199.97, money-back guarantee.

Order the course that has helped hundreds of people stop negative self-talk so they relax and enjoy life more:
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Order before Sunday, Jan. 31 and get a free self-help audio: “Find Peace Beyond Judgment and Guilt” worth $29.97.
http://www.drjeanette.com/guiltbuster.html

Must mention The Vibrant Moment to get your free holistic psychology audio.

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ALREADY OWN ANXIETY COURSE? Order a holistic psychology audio from this list and get another one free.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/cds.html

Must mention The Vibrant Moment to get your free holistic psychology audio.

 

How to Open Your Mind for Better Relationships

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Open Your Mind.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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How often do you accept something new into your mind? An open mind is clear; therefore, effective. Clear thinking means you do not block out information or ideas that challenge you. You welcome a different point of view.

A reader of The Vibrant Moment sent me an interesting, humorous challenge to my constant psychological use of the word judgment. She even introduces a new concept piggybacking on an old one.

As you read her comments, think for yourself about the word judgment, how words control you, and the importance of logical, clear thinking.

Marcia Spires, an accomplished NYC editor, speaks for herself:

“I’m a long-time Doris fan and language arbiter who doesn’t want words (or ideas) to get muddled. (Here, I am advocating for the positive meanings of “judging.”)

“I’ve been meaning to write to you since your “judging the concrete” article. It’s taken me a while to sort out my thoughts and gut reactions. You were so down on yourself for “judging” the city concrete. And the PC (psychologically correct) stance these days seems to be that “judging,” or disliking, anything is forbidden. Why? To show that we’re open-minded, I gather. Or to prove that we’re loftily indifferent to whatever crosses our path, with no opinions, pro or con? That doesn’t sound so positive, put in that light. It almost hints of “dissociation,” doesn’t it? Or “loss of affect.” Both are big no-no’s, I thought.

Anyway, I squish a bit internally (couldn’t find a better description) whenever I come across what seems like a misuse of a very useful word. What is “wrong” with noticing, assessing, and responding to something? That’s how I define “judging.” Personally, I don’t think it’s a law that we have to “like” everything we encounter. Or that it’s healthy to “accept” everything. (My, aren’t I the little rebel!) We get to pick and choose. And “judging” is the method we use.

Anyway, you got to the real nitty-gritty (no pun intended) when you differentiated between the gritty concrete under your feet (ugh) and the fine bridges and highways that make urban life feasible (smile). That’s what I call making realistic “judgments.” Assessing all factors.

In good humor,
Marcia Spires

Here is a link to The Vibrant Moment issue Marcia was referring to: “How to Get More by Blessing More with Universal Law”: https://thevibrantmoment.com/2015/11/25/how-to-get-more-by-blessing-more-with-universal-law/

Please share your responses to Marcia’s comments with me via email.

Words do matter. Words definitely control us. I am very picky about words and often help clients change how they talk to themselves to get different results. Pay attention to the words you say to yourself and how they affect you and effect you.

Marcia is correct about the first definition of judgment. Sound judgments are extremely important; they make your life easier and richer. Use your brain to make clear judgments that lead you to success. Be rational and logical so your mind is effective.

Next week I will discuss the type of judgments that hurt you and make you anxious, as well as the universal law I want you to understand so you can use it to your advantage.

This week, think new thoughts, keep your mind open, and be creative. Avoid obsessive thoughts, closed minds, and the ordinary. Disagree and let others disagree.

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WHAT YOU THINK IS WHAT YOU GET: Make more money, get more clients, have better relationships by thinking more clearly. Your thinking may be fuzzy, unclear, and downright wrong. Keep your mind open and learn to think more clearly. Clear thinking is how you manifest your dreams and desires. My marketing mentor, Marcia Yudkin, has the clearest mind I have ever encountered. And yes, I meet BF Skinner, Albert Ellis, and worked closely with Joe Wolpe. Learn the “Six Principles of Clear Business Thinking” from Marcia Yudkin and apply them to every single decision you make. Marcia helped me dramatically improve my relationship with money! We disagree about the use of the word emotion. Order the clear thinking hour tele-seminar for only $29.97 with a money-back guarantee.

Read more and order “6 Principles of Clear Business Thinking” with Dr. Jeanette and Marcia Yudkin.

Order by Sunday, Jan. 24 and get a free, self-help audio, worth $29.97 of your choice from this list: http://www.drjeanette.com/cds.html

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How to Get More Vital Energy by Feeling Your Emotions

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Accept What is Real.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Thank you, readers, for your feedback and questions. Keep them coming. Here is an important question about how to reach good mental health from a kind hearted reader who is stuck in confusion and intense mental anguish.

“I have enjoyed your emails for 5 years! Wow! Please write about how to learn to live in the HERE and NOW! And acceptance. I am a mom who is both blessed with two adult kids but I feel rejection about living here in North America … Them and my loving husband is what keeps me here. I am too attached to my past, because that’s what I know best and that is what made me “grow”! Somebody told me, your heart has to be in one place. What does it mean? I am from EU and live here more than half of my life!! I can’t either go back or stay. And the HERE and NOW is filled with tears and sadness … Unshared … because I am ashamed of not being able to enjoy the many blessings around me!”

For all of you, always remember that no matter what is going on inside of you there is a rational reason for what you feel. You have real problems that have real solutions. Your feelings and emotions are real. Never doubt reality.

Mother Nature knows what she is doing. Evolution knows what she is doing. As Einstein said, “God does not play with dice.” There is sanity in the universe; there is sanity inside of you. It is up to you to find your sanity!

Thank you for your question. Even though I may not hit the bullet mark with so little information about you, I know for sure that your feelings and emotions are not wrong or bad. It is only your thoughts about your feelings and emotions that are confused and irrational.

You are stuck in depression and dense energy because you tell yourself everyday that your feelings and emotions are WRONG and BAD. They are not. What you feel is what you feel. No more or less. Simple and profound. Feelings are real.

The reason you are stuck in such unpleasant, never-ending pain is because you are making your feelings and emotions wrong at every turn. Every day, all day long, your self-judgment is killing your heart, body, and soul. Your thoughts are irrational and unkind, creating your mental anguish.

You are hurting your real self every time you find fault with yourself. To feel better, you must stop finding fault with what is real. Instead of making your feelings and emotions wrong, accept them and let them move. The vital energy of your emotions is the potent energy that will move you forward into vibrant moments.

I assume you are too afraid to feel your strong emotions and feelings on your own. This is often the case because children are taught to control their feelings and emotions instead of feel them. Nevertheless, trying to control your feelings and emotions creates mental health problems.

Therefore, I recommend that you work with an emotionally safe professional who can help you unlearn your fear of your emotions so you can break free and enjoy life. If you do not have access to an emotionally safe professional you can receive emotional guidance and support by using the self-help “Opening the Heart” audio series.

The way to enter the Here and Now is to feel what you feel. Physical and emotional feelings put you squarely in the moment of that which is real. It does not matter what you feel. Just accept and love your real feelings and you enter the here and now.

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ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS: Feel better immediately when you accept what is real inside of you. Learn how to feel your emotions and stop making them wrong and bad. Get the help you need in overcoming your fear of your emotions. The Opening the Heart audio series is a three-hour comforting guide that helps you find, accept, and heal your emotional self. Hundreds of people have listened to the Opening the Heart audio again and again for relaxation as well as emotional guidance and information. $97.00, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order Opening the Heart:
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Already own Opening the Heart? Take one of the holistic psychology home study courses to accelerate your personal growth.

Home Study Courses:
1. “Overcome Anxiety Naturally,” $199.97
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3. “Become a Better Lover,” $249.97
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How to Make Your New Year’s Resolutions Come True

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: You Can Do it.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Do you believe you can do what you want to do?
Do you know you have a right to live the life you desire?

There is no reason you cannot follow your heart and enjoy more vibrant moments. Even though the pathway to freedom and joy is full of real fears and irrational anxieties, never give up or think you cannot face your real fears and overcome your anxieties.

If your life is not what you want it to be, if your health is puny, if you feel deep sorrow, know there is hope. At any moment in time you can begin the process of transforming your dense, defensive energy into more love and light. You have the power to shift, change, transform, unlearn, and learn whenever you decide to take action.

The pathway to your goals is clear. You must stay true to yourself. As you move forward you will learn many new skills, behaviors, and habits that empower you and make you innately happy. The journey to self-actualization is fun, you do not have to wait until you get to the end of your life to enjoy yourself.

Here is a list of lessons learned in 2015 from a regular client who is willing to share her successes with you. She had a very hard year full of relationship, financial, and stage four cancer problems. Yet, she stayed true to herself and is now happier and healthier than she has ever been.

May her list inspire and motivate you to keep learning and growing. She said, “If I distilled my list down, it would pretty much be learning to love and care for myself.”

Lessons Learned in 2015

I am the most important being in my life.
I am very, very strong emotionally, physically, and energetically.
I have gifts and I can explore them at my own pace.
No one knows about me better than I know about myself.
Energy leaks are critical to fix.
My Higher Self is me. My Little Girls are me.
Align with authentic self, not ego.
We heal ourselves.
Reality is the only safe place.
Love is more powerful than anything; love makes everything alright.
I am not alone. Ever.
I am deeply loved.
I am brave.
I let go of so much and I am ok.
I face my biggest fears and walk through them.
I always get back home.
We have to choose to receive in order to receive.
We always have a choice.
My truth feels like goose bumps on the inside.
Greater compassion for self and others.
Only I can make myself happy. I can only make myself happy.
Feeling grateful makes every situation ok.
Look for the lesson. There is a lesson in everything.
I am living a bigger life and learning how to keep growing it.

Take some of her lessons and make them your lessons for 2016. Stay true to yourself and you will definitely move forward. Open your heart and send love to yourself and then to others.

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FIND THE LOVE IN YOUR HEART: Feel better, love more, and be healthier when you learn how to feel your emotions and stay true to yourself. The Opening the Heart audio series is a three-hour comforting, relaxing guide that helps you find, accept, heal, and follow your emotional self to freedom and joy. $97.00, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order Opening the Heart:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

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3. “Become a Better Lover,” $249.97
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Relationship Advice: How to Get Joy in Your Heart as a Single Person

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Get to Know Yourself.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

==============

Are you single for the holidays?
Are you missing someone you love?

Some of you may be single for the holidays. Others may be missing a
loved one who has passed over. Relationships are extremely important.
However, the most important relationship you have, or ever will have,
may be one that you are neglecting and ignoring.

How do you relate to yourself? Do you love or reject your body? Do
you accept or find fault with your emotions? How close are you to
your soul? Do you accept your age? Loving yourself never gets to an
end point of satisfaction. There is always more to accept and
something new to embrace.

Being single for the holidays is a challenge. Living through the
first holidays without a loved one is painful. However, if you spent
time being grateful for what you have and turn your attention to your
own personal growth, the holidays can be enjoyable and bear fruit for
the new year.

Here is a list of ten action steps to help you feel better and enjoy
your holidays if you are single or feel alone.

1. Send your inner critic out in the cold.
2. Get to know your personal desires and needs.
3. Express your feelings creatively.
4. Enjoy little things about your own company.
5. Indulge yourself in simple pleasures.
6. Spend time with people who love you.
7 Do some serious personal growth.
8. Listen to harmonious music that makes you feel good.
9. Spend time in nature relaxing, walking, and breathing.
10. Read self-help material to feel good about yourself.

For more details about each action step visit:
http://www.drjeanette.com/singlefortheholidays.html

Give yourself joy in your heart to enjoy more vibrant moments during
your holidays.

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SINGLE FOR THE HOLIDAYS? Read, study, and take the “7 Steps to
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HEAL YOUR HEART: Do not repeat the same painful patterns of your past.
Emotional hurt is the first sign of more life. Get the emotional heal
ing guidance you need to love and accept yourself so you attract better
partners in the future. Heal your heart so you become emotionally secure
and self-confident. The three hours of comforting audio leads you to
your emotional self and shows you how to be more self-accepting an
d self-loving. Get help with your feelings, fear, and hurt. Money-back
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HOLIDAY GIFTS: Give a meaningful holiday or birthday gift certificate
to your mother, child, beloved, or self to say I love you. It can be used
toward any of the holistic psychology empowering home study courses
and relaxing audio. From $25.00 to $200.00, or ask me for the exact
amount you need.

Read list of self-help products:
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Order your gift certificate:
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How to Feel Safe in an Unsafe World

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Feel Reality.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==============

Terror, anyone?

A reader who just listened to the Tame Your Thoughts audio asks a question, “The audio did help. I was recently overcome with a lot of paranoid thoughts, insomnia and was able to come out of the paranoia with medicine. But I don’t believe in taking medicine for the rest of my life. I think it usually gets brought on from a stressful social situation. Do you think it’s just heightened anxiety?”

Yes, you are experiencing heightened anxiety which is called terror. Most people walk around without being aware of what they feel. Instead, they defend against fear, anxiety, and terror so they do not have to feel the reality of fear, anxiety, and terror.

As a result, millions of people live in an illusion of safety. Meaning you think you are safe because you control yourself and reality but you are not really safe because you cannot control yourself and reality. Control creates an ego energy, which is weak and brittle. Your ego crumbles in a gentle breeze of reality because it is based on false beliefs.

When you do not feel your real feelings, you create mental illness, emotional distress, and physical disease. In the flesh terrorists are one of the many results. Inside all our raging terrorists is a young child who grew up not feeling his fear, anxiety, and terror. As a result, he acts out his feelings on the world stage like an actor.

What happens when terrorists terrorize the world in Paris? It can trigger your unconscious, inner terror. When any young child does not have a way to get in touch with reality and get rid of her false beliefs she can become paranoid.

A child trapped in heightened anxiety, without effective help, often leads to paranoia. Paranoia leads to bad decisions and unhealthy behaviors. You can see paranoia in action right now in some of the United States’ political leaders as they react to the events in Paris.

Does this make sense to you? Some real terror in the outside world probably triggered your unconscious, inner terror. Outside terror brought your inner feelings up to the surface so it was harder to keep your denied terror unconscious. This is a good thing. You want to be aware of your anxiety, fear, and terror.

The other good news is that you knew you were paranoid. Thank goodness. Paranoid thoughts are especially hard to deal with if you do not know you are paranoid. To get rid of paranoid thoughts, you must trust someone to help you correct your misperceptions.

Therefore, the antidote for paranoid is reality. Not only do you need to tame your thoughts. You need to get touch with your body feelings and emotional feelings and use this data to help you stay in reality where sanity exists.

Does this help you take the next step forward? Let me know.

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LIVE IN REALITY: Take the home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally. Step by step this course leads you out of your irrational thinking into physical and emotional reality so you feel safe and sane. Ten written lessons and five hours of audio, including the Opening the Heart audio series. $199.97, money-back guarantee.

Order before Dec. 7 and get a free hour audio worth $29.97 of your choice from this list: http://www.drjeanette.com/cds.html

Must mention The Vibrant Moment in the check out box to get bonus.

=======================

HOLIDAY GIFTS: Give a meaningful holiday or birthday gift certificate to your mother, child, beloved, or self to say I love you. It can be used toward any of the holistic psychology empowering home study courses and relaxing audio. From $25.00 to $200.00, or ask me for the exact amount you need.

Read list of self-help products:
http://www.drjeanette.com/selfhelpproducts.html

Order your gift certificate:
http://www.drjeanette.com/gift.html

==================

How to Feel Happy and Say Wow More Often

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Experience Wow Often.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==============

When was the last time you said, “Wow!” out loud?
When was the last time someone else said, “Wow!” to you?

This is the first thing one of my current clients has been saying for the last few months when we connect on the phone. “Wow!” Her life is certainly not boring, mundane, or ordinary. What about yours?

The Vibrant Moment exists to make sure your life is not boring, mundane, or ordinary. When you are here on planet earth you have the opportunity to have lots of exciting adventures. Sometimes reality is hard and difficult but if you stay in your natural flow, you become stronger and wiser after the hard times.

Regular readers know my mother passed away last winter after about a year of sickness. I mention my life experiences from time to time to help you see how real people live in the flow. While staying in the hard times is difficult when you are grieving or in pain, know that when you get out of the hard times you will experience joy again.

After my exciting, loving, body awareness Nature Workshop this past weekend, I have been walking around my house rubbing my hands together because I am so excited. “Wow!” pops out of my mouth every few minutes. My energy has returned! I finally have some pep!

Awareness is such that you do not notice you are missing something until you get it. I knew I did not have much energy, grieving was using it all up. However, I did not know how ungrounded I was. I was trusting I would move through my grief and get my energy back. And … that is just what happened.

After working in the forest this week-end with a group of caring, open people, my legs are back to sturdy and strong. I have not felt this strong since I rushed to NC to be with my sick mother a year and a half ago. Honestly, the power I feel in my legs may be greater than before.

For sure, my joyful energy has returned and I feel good all over. Of course, my grieving is not over, but this difficult passage in my life has turned a corner. Now I am enjoying the benefits of transformation that come with grieving the loss of a loved one. More of me is present and available for healthy living and vibrant moments.

For you, stay with yourself wherever you are and trust your natural process. If you are in hard times, you will be back to experiencing “Wow!” soon. Just let go of trying to control anything or anyone and more of you will soon be present and available.

Keep the faith. Get grounded and enjoy the moment — whatever it is.

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GET GROUNDED: If you want me to do a Nature Workshop in your area contact me. Perhaps we can make it happen. Your legs can feel stronger and more sturdy. If there is a location you will travel to such as Hawaii let me know.

Read about Nature Workshops:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

Contact information at drjeanette.com

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GROUNDING AT HOME: Take the home study course, Overcome Anxiety Naturally to get your mental energy grounded so you stop being anxious. Extremely effective. If you do the body exercises, you get results. Ten written lessons, five hours of audio, including the emotional health audio guide, Opening the Heart worth $97.00. Course is tax deductible for holistic health professionals as continuing education. Buy the entire home study course for $199.97, money-back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/anxietyonlinecourse.html

Order before November 1 and get a free audio worth $29.97 of your choice at: http://www.drjeanette.com/cds.html

Must mention The Vibrant Moment to get bonus in the check out box.

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How to Heal Buttons and Stop Being Reactive

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Heal Buttons.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
==================

A reader asks, “How do I channel my sensitive side in a positive way through the divorce. I still have to live with my narcissist husband and he pushes all my buttons.”

Ah, those buttons! Everyone has buttons that get pushed in relationships. Buttons are helpful, red flags that tell you something inside of you has not been healed, and desperately needs to be healed. Buttons are gaping emotional wounds.

You do not have to be a highly sensitive person to have buttons and to have them trigged by someone’s comment or behavior. However, if you are a highly sensitive person you may over react more often and be more defensive when someone touches your wounds. This is because you feel the emotional pain more intensely.

This is not a disadvantage. I used to wish I was not so sensitive. This was before I knew the advantages of feeling so much, so deeply. When you feel what is really going on inside of you, and outside of you, you have the potential to develop exquisite empathy and solid self-confidence.

If you learn the difference between thoughts and feelings, you can trust what you feel in your body. Instead of thinking or believing in false beliefs, you can stand in physical reality. Deducting or pretending about reality does not make you more self-confident; it makes you weaker, like your narcissistic husband.

Consider your strengths. A highly sensitive person feels internal and external anxiety. Many people bind their anxiety by staying busy or denying their leg that is physically jumping up and down! Anxiety is in their leg, making it jump up and down, yet, they do not feel anxious or know they are anxious. This means their anxious leg is out of control and out of their awareness.

Being out of touch with your leg jumping up and down is not helpful. The results of having this much anxiety in your body have major consequences. There is a high probability that you will suffer from poor mental, emotional, and physical health. So be grateful you experience your anxiety and discomfort. This is far better than your unconscious husband who thinks you have all the problems.

Be glad you know you have buttons. Thank the person who pushes them. When buttons are pushed you have the chance to unlearn your ineffective habit of reacting and being defensive. Instead, you can learn to feel what you really feel.

When your husband says, “You are too sensitive, why does that bother you.” Instead of defending against how you feel, feel it. Feel stupid, dumb, scared, inferior, dirty, selfish, guilty or whatever. If you want to be strong and improve your self esteem, your job is to feel what you feel.

Feel stupid, and at the same time, support yourself emotionally. Stay with your sensitive self and do not call her stupid. Protect your emotional self from any outside judgment with genuine self-acceptance.

Soon you will be noticing the other person’s anxious body language and irrational behavior and feel grateful you are standing in reality instead of losing touch with your body.

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How to Get What You Want by Being Assertive

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Be Rational.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
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You make a mistake.
Your partner does something you do not like.
Your son will not eat what you want him to eat.

What do you do? Do you become rigid and controlling, insisting he eat the way you want him to eat? Do you exaggerate the situation and make it worse than it is? Is this moment really that much of a tragedy?

We all overreact sometimes. It is wise to notice when you do. If you have been in effective therapy, you received outside feedback about your irrational, defensive behavior. You learned that being defensive is a waste of your time and energy. Even more importantly, you learned that irrational behavior does not get you what you want.

An irrational reaction is when you behave in a way that does not fit the reality of the situation. A defensive reaction is not an emotional reaction. Psychologists, researchers, and dictionaries often confuse the source of irrational reactions and tell you that you are being too emotional. Not true.

The source of an irrational reaction is a learned conditioned response. Reactions often feel like a knee jerk response that occurs so quickly you cannot be master over it. But is it? The figurative meaning of knee jerk comes from the physical patellar reflex discovered and named in the 1870s by Dr. William Richard Gowers. Your physical knee jerk response is necessary for good health. It is a reflex, not a conditioned response.

An irrational reaction to life situations is not a reflex and it is not good for your holistic health. When you are conditioned to respond irrationally to anything, you are trapped in a vicious circle of self-control. You are like the pigeons in the city parks that go round and round because they are conditioned to turn around because once they found food when they did.

Could it be that when you are not “in control,” you react irrationally? Yes, irrational reactions occur when you cannot cope with reality. You suddenly become dysfunctional, instead of breathing, dealing, and bending with what is really occurring. When you are irrational, you are not feeling your authentic emotions and you are not aware of your body.

Abruptly, you behave as if you were a monster, instead of a human being with choices and options. In this irrational moment, you are the one being controlled. Thus, you are weak and helpless. You are not free to choose an assertive, effective way to handle the situation.

Reactions are learned, which is a very good thing, because this means you can unlearn them. There is no reason you cannot break free from any conditioned response and become rational and emotionally secure. Rise above your conditioned reactions by feeling your emotions and body, instead of being afraid of them. Your body and heart help you stay safe and sane.

Being in touch with your emotions is what allows you to be assertive. You must know what you feel before you can be assertive. When you are assertive, you are rational and emotionally secure. You are standing tall on a solid foundation of integrity.

Being honest makes you an effective, loving parent, lover, and friend. Best of all, you get what you want.

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