How to Heal Buttons and Stop Being Reactive

The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Heal Buttons.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach

A reader asks, “How do I channel my sensitive side in a positive way through the divorce. I still have to live with my narcissist husband and he pushes all my buttons.”

Ah, those buttons! Everyone has buttons that get pushed in relationships. Buttons are helpful, red flags that tell you something inside of you has not been healed, and desperately needs to be healed. Buttons are gaping emotional wounds.

You do not have to be a highly sensitive person to have buttons and to have them trigged by someone’s comment or behavior. However, if you are a highly sensitive person you may over react more often and be more defensive when someone touches your wounds. This is because you feel the emotional pain more intensely.

This is not a disadvantage. I used to wish I was not so sensitive. This was before I knew the advantages of feeling so much, so deeply. When you feel what is really going on inside of you, and outside of you, you have the potential to develop exquisite empathy and solid self-confidence.

If you learn the difference between thoughts and feelings, you can trust what you feel in your body. Instead of thinking or believing in false beliefs, you can stand in physical reality. Deducting or pretending about reality does not make you more self-confident; it makes you weaker, like your narcissistic husband.

Consider your strengths. A highly sensitive person feels internal and external anxiety. Many people bind their anxiety by staying busy or denying their leg that is physically jumping up and down! Anxiety is in their leg, making it jump up and down, yet, they do not feel anxious or know they are anxious. This means their anxious leg is out of control and out of their awareness.

Being out of touch with your leg jumping up and down is not helpful. The results of having this much anxiety in your body have major consequences. There is a high probability that you will suffer from poor mental, emotional, and physical health. So be grateful you experience your anxiety and discomfort. This is far better than your unconscious husband who thinks you have all the problems.

Be glad you know you have buttons. Thank the person who pushes them. When buttons are pushed you have the chance to unlearn your ineffective habit of reacting and being defensive. Instead, you can learn to feel what you really feel.

When your husband says, “You are too sensitive, why does that bother you.” Instead of defending against how you feel, feel it. Feel stupid, dumb, scared, inferior, dirty, selfish, guilty or whatever. If you want to be strong and improve your self esteem, your job is to feel what you feel.

Feel stupid, and at the same time, support yourself emotionally. Stay with your sensitive self and do not call her stupid. Protect your emotional self from any outside judgment with genuine self-acceptance.

Soon you will be noticing the other person’s anxious body language and irrational behavior and feel grateful you are standing in reality instead of losing touch with your body.


READ BODY LANGUAGE: Feel in your body the difference between thoughts and feelings. Get practice standing in reality and feeling solid self-esteem. Become more aware of what you really feel and begin to trust what you feel. Learn about body language in the forest near New Hope, PA, Oct 24. Your personal requests are addressed. Join me and a small group of men and women. $200.00 all-day workshop. Six spots left.

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GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE? Divorce is hard and painful. There are ways to take care of yourself and your buttons through a breakup or divorce that make it easier on you. If you take these seven steps you become stronger instead of weaker. Learn the “7 Steps to Becoming Stronger After a Divorce or Break Up.” 13 pages; $9.97; PDF (Adobe Acrobat Reader) format.

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HIGHLY SENSITIVE? Learn to trust and love your sensitive self. Stop others from causing you to doubt yourself. Learn the “7 Steps to Success as a Highly Sensitive Person.” Accept, develop, and use your sensitive nature to your advantage. 31-page PDF file, $19.97.

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