Emotional Health Tip: Use Nature and Body Awareness to Know Psychological Truths, Not Words

 

butterflies
Time to go see Monarch butterflies hanging out at Cape May Point, NJ on the their way back to Mexico. Nature is a great place to experience your emotions.

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Use feedback.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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Thank you for all the interesting questions and positive feedback about The Vibrant Moment articles on whining, feeling sorry for yourself and the sneaky way your ego blocks your healthy emotional expression.

You can apply the same psychological dynamics to other behaviors such as talking too much, not sharing enough about yourself, being impatient and listening with your mind instead of your heart. You can use the same awareness of psychological processes with any other unpleasant relationship behavior you may be afraid that you engage in.

For those of you who missed last week’s information on the Definition of Whining and the Definition of Healthy Emotional Expression catch it here:
http://thevibrantmoment.com/2013/08/21/personal-growth-tip-expose-self-pity-to-find-effective-behaviors/

Several of you mentioned that you are concerned when others tune you out or run away from you with their hands over their ears!  In other words, the other person does not want to hear what you are saying. You may be whining or you may be expressing your authentic emotions. It does not matter. This is when you need to use other people’s feedback to your advantage.

A very important relationship skill is the ability to pick up other people’s nonverbal and verbal clues.  So if someone tunes you out, stop talking. It does not matter if you are whining or expressing your emotions, if others do not want to hear you, stop talking. To continue to talk would not be fruitful.

You can discover if the block in communication is you or them by noticing your own behavior.  Remember, if you really are whining, there is a high probability you do not know that you are whining.  This means this unhelpful behavior is in your unconscious.

To be more intimate with others, you need someone to tell you when you are whining.  When others tune you out, this is a helpful indication to you that you may be whining or engaging in some other ineffective relationship behavior. This is not always true but it could be true.

It is up to you to find the proper place to expose your whining and get the help you need in transforming this ineffective relationship behavior into an assertive behavior.  Coaching, mentoring and therapeutic relationships were created to help you with all your ineffective relationship behaviors.

A good holistic psychologist does not reinforce your whining behavior by sitting there and listening to you feel sorry for yourself.  Nor does she react with judgment or discomfort. She is comfortable with your whining because she has learned to notice, accept and deal with her own whining.

Therefore, she gently helps you become aware of your whining, in an emotionally safe and nonjudgmental manner.  With kindness she teaches you how to stop judging yourself about the fact that you feel sorry for yourself. Next, she teaches you effective assertive behaviors that allow you to be closer to yourself and to others.

Let us come full circle back to the beginning example of how your ego tells you are whining when you are not whining. For those of you who missed it: http://thevibrantmoment.com/2013/08/14/assertiveness-moves-beyond-talk-therapy-into-nature-energy-and-power/

When you say to yourself, “You are whining and you must immediately stop whining,” there is a high probability that you are blocking your own authentic emotional expression. The other person is not tuning you out, you are inhibiting yourself. You learned to do this when you were a child.

When you pay attention to the emotional energy dynamics you discover the deeper psychological truth. The irony, the twist of reality, the truth is that you are inhibiting your healthy emotional expression when you accuse yourself of whining.

To transform this behavior, tame your sneaky critical ego and stop her from raining on your parade.  Learn to stand up to your Ms. Perfect and find healthy ways to express your authentic emotions. The presence of other people is not necessary.

Please post your feelings, thoughts and comments about self-awareness, emotional expression, personal growth and assertiveness below.

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ALREADY KNOW YOU WHINE? Take the Assertiveness Training Home Study Course, “Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence.” Learn the relationship skill of how to pick up other people’s nonverbal and verbal clues. This course inspires you with energy, body and emotional information even if you have already taken an in-person Assertiveness Training course.  A 46 page manual and over 10 hours of Assertiveness Training audio coaching lessons with a live class.  $149.97 with a money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
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NEED TO EXPOSE YOUR EGO?  Take the fall Nature Workshop near New Hope, PA.  I provide a safe place in the forest to become aware of your sneaky ego, the feeling sorry for yourself energy and other annoying relationship behaviors. We play with our unhelpful energy and shift it into effective, assertive energy.  Near NYC and Philadelphia in the lovely colored trees.  Oct. 12, $200.00. Limited to 12 people to ensure you get what you need.

Sign up at:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

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Please share this blog with anyone who is interested in learning how to be happy, healthy and effective.

 

Relationship Advice: Expose Self Pity to Find Assertive Behavior

angleCornfield, angel and comfort near Valley Forge, PA

 

 

 

 

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Face the Truth.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com
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Continuing our pursuit of happiness, we are on a mission to discover if and when we are whining.

Last week you learned that it is essential to notice process and not content if you want to know the psychological truth of anything. Otherwise you are fooled by the words that are inside your head or being said by others.

You also learned that it is better to whine when you feel like whining than it is to depress, repress and deny your whining.  Here is last week’s free holistic psychology article if you have not read it.

I also promised to give you a clear definition of whining and healthy emotional expression this week so you know for sure if you are whining or not.

Huge Difference Between Whining and Emotional Expression

Definition of Whining

Whining is a high-pitched, out of control behavior that keeps you stuck in the victim role. Whining occurs when you feel helpless, hopeless, weak and miserable.  Your energy goes around and around in a circle repeating itself. You hear and say the same words, notes and tones over and over again.

When you whine, you are stuck. This means you do not move forward into positive or healthy energy.   You are in a psychological place that is similar to what physicists call a black hole.  You are stuck in a bottomless pit that is sucking energy from the outside in toward you. Your energy is black, dark, dense, grey, heavy and unhealthy.

Whining is only one of many ways that you feel sorry for yourself.  You also complain, blame, criticize and hide behind the “poor me” image.

I felt sorry for myself for years and my talk therapist never once mentioned this behavior to me. Therefore, I never stopped feeling sorry for myself because I did not know that I was feeling sorry for myself.

Definition of Healthy Emotional Expression

Healthy emotional expression is revealing the truth about how you feel emotionally. Emotional expression is not out of control or unconscious.  You are aware of your body and physical surroundings as you express your emotions and feelings.

As soon as you begin to express how you feel, your emotional state changes and shifts.  You are not stuck in the victim role.  Instead, as you continue to express your real emotions, you move forward so that you experience emotional relief.  You are more aware and alive.

Not only do you feel better when you express your emotions, you have more energy.  Emotional expression immediately adds vital energy to your body and energy field. Naturally, this makes you physically stronger.  Your energy is moving outward and you are not pulling energy toward you into a bottomless pit.

Your energy is colorful, moving, lighter and healthy. Different tones and pitches occur as you continue to express yourself through your natural process until the emotional issue is resolved. Then you feel emotionally stronger and more self-confident.

Notice When You Feel Sorry for Yourself

Awareness is the first step in transformation and successful personal growth. No one likes to admit we are feeling sorry for ourselves; it is just so uncool.

Nevertheless, everyone on the planet feels sorry for themselves from time to time. We learned it from our parents, religions and cultures.

Therefore, do not waste money, time and energy trying to keep the fact that you feel sorry for yourself in your unconscious.  Do not depress, repress or deny your whining.  The consequences of keeping your whining behavior in your unconscious are:

You:
Are unhappy and do not know the reason why.
Are unsatisfied in your relationships with others.
Feel like others do not love you.
Feel like others do not understand you.
Feel alone and isolated.
Think you are better than others.
Think you are worse than others.
Think everyone else is the problem and not you.

Finally, I left talk therapy and began to pay attention to process, my body and energy.  Soon, I noticed that I repeated the same behavior over and over again and this behavior did not bear fruit.

It dawned on me, while sitting in a comfortable chair in my living room, that I was feeling sorry for myself. Oh horrors of horrors! Reading energy, I discovered I was stuck in a black hole feeling sorry for myself and there I was going to stay until I learned a more effective way to get what I needed and wanted.

This awareness turned into an amazing relief.  At last I knew something I was doing that I could actually change.

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LEARN TO EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS: The 3 hour audio emotional guide, Opening the Heart, takes you into your heart so you find, accept and express your authentic emotions.  You learn the different energies and how to keep moving so you do not get stuck in feeling sorry for yourself. Oh, horrors of horrors! $97.00, money back guarantee.

Read more and order:
http://www.drjeanette.com/emotionalhealthaudio.html

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NEED HELP EXPRESSING?  Get the instructions, support and practice you need in being more assertive at the fall Nature Workshop.  Effective behavior is the most valuable gift you can give yourself if you want to be happy, strong and healthy. Near NYC and Philadelphia in the lovely colored trees.  Oct. 12, $200.00. Limited to 12 people to ensure you get what you need.

Sign up at:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

Assertiveness Moves Beyond Talk Therapy into Nature, Energy and Power

forest

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Walking the truth in the forest near New Hope, PA.

 

The Vibrant Moment – Remember:  Assert Your Truth.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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A reader of The Vibrant Moment expressed how she was feeling about some medical problems she just found out about in a recent email to me. Then she abruptly called herself out on “whining. ” Of course, as soon as she judged herself as whining, she immediately stopped sharing how she was feeling and changed the topic.

Do you block your emotional expressions by calling yourself names?

If you do, you are making sure you do not move forward into new, unexplored emotional territory.  If you want to do transformational work, which means you physically change your energy, you must express your truths no matter what they are at any given moment in time.

Of course, I do not encourage whining. However, are you really whining? Maybe yes and maybe no.   If you want to get to the heart of what is really going on with you psychologically, do not stop your truths at any point in time.

Even if you are whining, stopping yourself in this fashion keeps you from getting down to your unconscious truths.  While knowing the difference between expressing your authentic feelings and whining is important, it is even more important not to block self-expression in the moment it is happening.

This means it is better to whine so you can see that you are whining, rather than stop yourself from whining before you can tell if you are whining or not!  The act of controlling your energy is the oppressive psychological problem, not the whining.

Just imagine if you stepped back and look at your process instead of your words. As a holistic psychologist, I teach you to notice your process so you discover what is really going on inside of you and outside of you.  If you do not let your unconscious material surface, it continues to control you.  The only way to claim your power is to expose your truths.

If you stay stuck in the content, you quickly sink into psychobabble, which is what often happens in regular talk therapy.  You also reinforce your controlling behavior of trying not to whine.  You think that you are whining, complaining and being negative, but are you really?  And if you are, “So what?”

How much power would you have if you learned to notice the how, what, when, where and why behind your words?  When you pay attention to process, you quickly move beyond your thoughts and conditioned reactions into more physical data. Noticing your process gives you the energy needed to master yourself.

It does not matter if you are whining or not.  When you pay attention to your process, you may discover that you were not whining in the first place.  Or you may see that you are whining.  If so, you can learn a more effective way to get what you need or want.

Here is my clinical observation about whining and whiners.  When you judge yourself as whining, there is a high probability that you are not whining.  The whiner usually has no awareness of the fact that she or he is whining.  The whiner does not notice how she is being received by others because she is not conscious of it.

I will explain the energy difference between whining and expressing your authentic feelings and emotions next week.  In the mean time, help me do some research about what I just said about whiners. Observe yourself this week and observe other people. Is my clinical observation correct? Do whiners judge themselves and stop? Or do whiners keep whining?

Please post your feelings, thoughts and comments about self-awareness, emotional expression and whining below.

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SEEKING TRANSFORMATION? The body and energy exercises at the fall Nature Workshop give you a safe place to express your truths.  Learn to notice and trust your process by having fun outdoors with an emotionally safe leader. Asserting your truths makes you stronger and more self-confident.  Sign up for the Nature Workshop near New Hope, PA, October 12, $200.00. Limited to 12 people to maximized your personal growth experience.

Read more and sign up:
http://www.drjeanette.com/natureworkshops.html

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Relaxation and Anxiety Help: Get Rid of Judgment and Live a Guilt Free Life

pillowThis pillow is waiting for you to relax. Rest easy and dream with the angels.

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The Vibrant Moment – Remember: Enjoy the moment.
Tools from the Center for New Psychology
Publisher: Doris Jeanette, Holistic Psychology Mentor, Coach
Visit: http://www.drjeanette.com

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August 7, 2013 is National Play Day. This is a great reminder for adults and children to get outside and have fun moving and grooving.

National Play Day is a wonderful follow up to my recommendation last week to the regular The Vibrant Moment readers. I suggested for good mental health you need to enjoy some pleasure every single day.  Here is the link if you did not read it: http://thevibrantmoment.com/?p=688

So, were some of you able to add more pleasures this week? I sure did. I call vibrant moments being in heaven on earth.

Here is a list of some of my heavenly moments:

Swimming in a beautiful blue pool cleaned and softened by rain water
Swimming slowly on my back looking up at the glorious blue sky
Strolling in Rittenhouse Park while giving and receiving smiles
Cooking walnut crusted trout, Swiss shard and corn on the cob
Eating walnut crusted trout, Swiss shard and corn on the cob
Relaxing in a lounge chair outside looking at green trees and insects flying around
Sipping coffee with bits and pieces of pound cake underneath a canopy of trees
Gently resting my head on my buckwheat pillow in clean sheets
Taking a warm, long shower after hard housework

If you were not successful in enjoying more pleasurable moments this week, ask yourself, “What stopped me?”

In the USA, our Puritan and Germanic backgrounds rewards hard work and staying busy.  If you work hard, you are rewarded.  If you do not stay busy, you are punished.  This means that if you want to avoid punishment you have to keep working and stay busy all the time.  This is what most people do.

Resting, doing nothing, relaxing and enjoying life is a sin. Yes, a sin.

This Puritan Ethic conditioning is hard to break free from once it takes hold in your body and psyche.  If you do not pay attention to how your conditioning stops you from enjoying pleasure, you cannot put into practice the action steps needed to break out of the bad habit of not relaxing.

At the age of 34, I consciously let go of control and relaxed.  Immediately, the most painful guilt experiences crippled me again and brought me back into control.    Every time I relaxed, I felt like a sinner. Every time I experienced pleasure, I felt like I was sinning.

No wonder I had such trouble learning how to relax in the first place! Every time I relaxed, I judged myself as lazy. Or to be more precise, I heard my father’s voice in my head calling me, “Lazy.” His judgment stopped me dead in my tracks and tightened up every muscle in my body.

Later in life when my father was dying, he confessed to me that he desperately wanted nothing more in life but to be able to put his feet up, kick back and relax. But he couldn’t. He just could not relax, no matter what he tried to do.

I suggested to him that he could stop making himself wrong when he relaxed. However, he was never able to rest, do nothing and enjoy just being in the moment. My father died an anxious man. While it is too late for my father, it is not too late for you.

If you listen, you can hear the exact judgments you learned from your parents, teachers and priests.  These mental judgments keep you from relaxing and being in the moment.  You must get rid of your mental judgments if you want to kick back and enjoy the moments of your life.

Of course, when you break free, you experience guilt.

Guilt is a given. This is when you really have to pay attention so you eliminate the irrational judgments in your head and keep moving forward.  If not, guilt puts you right back into darkness, anxiety and depression.

So, using learning research, I felt like a lazy person for a while and continued to relax my body.  I felt like a sinner over and over again, as I continued to enjoy the pleasures of living in the body.

Soon the control guilt had over me began to vanish and I could kick back and enjoy the moment without any guilt what so ever.

Share your feelings, thoughts and comments about guilt, guilt-free living, control, workaholics, Puritan conditioning and relaxation therapy below.

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Read more and order: ”Find Peace Beyond Guilt and Judgment.”
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